I felt him stiffen underneath me, but I didn't give him time to respond; I needed to get this out of my system before my brain got mushy again.
"I was scared that you'd leave me for someone else because when it comes to females, you have the attention span of a toddler, annnd you're also a man-whore. There was no point in staying if you were just going to move on soon, soooo I wanted to move on before you did. Then you came back and convinced me to stay, but thennn I met your fiancè today, and I'm pretty sure she's still in love with you, by the way. Anyway, I couldn't help but wonder if I made the right choice choosing to stay instead of leave because every time things are going great between us, something always happens and ruins everything putting us back to where we started."
Tears slid down my face, but I did nothing to stop them.
"I think I rely on you too much, whichhh is why it hurts me a lot when I see how many other females you still have in your life, but I would never admit it to you when I'm sober because I don't wanttt you to think I'm weak orrr anything, but it makes me feel like you don't need me as much as I need you. Stella has Theo, Carter has Gabrielle, and you have your billion-dollar company and every woman at your feet. I don't have anyone or anything; I'm all alone. I want to be able to say I have you but not if you're going to pretend nothing is going on between us when you get around other people."
I let out a shaky breath and brushed the strands of hair sticking to my face. "Fuckkk, I think I've said too much."
"Anastazi—"
"Don't say anything; I'm too sleepy to understand anyway," I sniffled, wrapping my arms around his torso and snuggling closer.
I felt him nod and begin rubbing small circles along my back, and it wasn't long before sleep invaded my body.
~
The next morning I woke up feeling like my head was on fire. My heavy eyelids fluttered open, and I was immediately blinded by the bright light shining through the massive window.
I groaned, forcing my eyes open again, and looked down to find myself wearing an oversized t-shirt that smelled faintly familiar.
"What the fuck?" I mumbled to myself in confusion.
The last thing I remembered was coming here to get away from Nathaniel and running out of wine; after that, my mind draws a blank. I sighed heavily and lifted my heavy body off the bed, glancing over at the clock sitting on the night-stand and to my absolute horror; it read 10:45 AM, meaning I was 3 hours late for my first day back at work.
"Shit, shit, shit," I groaned, rushing out of bed and running into the bathroom.
I didn't even have time to look at my horrendous reflection as I brushed my teeth to get the disgusting aftertaste of whatever I drank last night out of my mouth. I also didn't bring any clothes here, which meant I would need to make a pit stop at my place before heading to work and that alone would take two more hours with the rush of LA traffic.
I speedily shuffled out of the bedroom, but only to slam face-first into a brick wall.
"Where's the fire?" A familiar gruff voice asked calmly, steadying me with his large hands.
"Nathaniel?" I squinted up to find him towering over me, wearing a t-shirt and basketball shorts, showing off his tanned, muscular legs, littered with dark tattoos. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"I—"
"I actually don't care; I'm going to be late for work," I mumbled, cutting him off, still baffled that he was able to find where I was staying at.
"We're taking the day off," he revealed lowly, gripping my wrist to stop me from leaving.
"We're?" I repeated, snatching my hand out of his grasp and taking a step back. "Why the fuck would I be taking a day off with you? I don't even want you here; get out."
He sighed and clenched his jaw, not bothering to brush the strands of hair falling into his crystal eyes. "Not until we talk."
"I have nothing to say to you."
"I just need you to listen."
"And then you'll leave?"
He nodded. "And then I'll leave."
"Fine," I huffed, brushing past him to take a seat in the living room.
"You were much easier to talk to last night," he muttered to himself as he took a seat on the far end of the sectional.
My eyes widened in shock. "You were here last night?"
A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "You don't remember?"
I shook my head, feeling heat rush to my cheeks.
"You had a lot to say."
I sunk deeper into the couch and hid behind my hair, using it as a curtain.
"Like what?"
Nathaniel shrugged. "You made me promise to keep it a secret."
I glared over at him and crossed my arms against my chest. "You know you're talking about keeping a secret from me, the person who told you the secret?"
He opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. "It doesn't even matter; what I want to know is why you kept the fact that the person we were meeting was your fiancé."
"Ex-fiancé," he corrected, narrowing his eyes at me.
I continued glaring at him, waiting for him to continue.
"The thing between Emma and I happened so long ago it completely slipped my mind."
I opened my mouth to make a smart remark about him, forgetting that he had a fiancé, but he was quick to glare, warning me to let him continue.
"Luther had just handed Creed Industries over to me, but I was young and reckless, having different women over every day, bringing them to work with me just because I had the power to do so. It was a bad look for the company, so Luther made an arrangement for me to get engaged to make it look as if I settled down, so I was engaged to Emma for six months, but that was it."
He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.
"That never stopped me from sleeping around; I was just more discreet about it until the six months were up. Yesterday was the first time I'd seen her since then."
"That doesn't explain how she knew Nonna's nickname," I mumbled, swallowing the large lump in my throat.
"She overheard Nonna calling me that one day when I was on the phone, but I never took her to Italy; I don't even know how she remembered that."
I nodded and ran my fingers through my hair, needing to understand one more thing before I made a decision. "Why were you so quick to tell Emma we weren't dating and act like I was nothing to you except your secretary?"
A look of regret flickered across Nathaniel's face, and I knew he was hoping I wouldn't ask that question.
"I don't know," he finally mumbled, his voice low and filled with remorse.
I sucked in a deep breath, forcing myself to hold back the tears, threatening to escape. "Well, maybe it's best we go our separate ways until you figure out what you want this to be," I whispered, keeping my eyes trained on my lap.
"Anastazi, don't do this."
"I know what I want out of this Nathaniel, can you honestly say you do?"
His jaw tightened as he remained silent, not having an answer to my question.
"That's what I thought," I nodded, reading his facial expressions. "I know I put you on the spot when I forced you to make a decision with me a week away from moving, so now, I'm giving you the chance to really think things through this time without that pressure."
I stood up and made my way towards the door, so I could walk him out.
"I don't need time, Anastazi," he murmured, wrapping his arms around my waist and leaning his forehead against mine.
"Yes, you do," I whispered, pulling back to look up into his dark tired eyes. "I'm tired of playing this cat and mouse game with you. So whenever you figure out what you want, then we'll talk.
He opened his mouth to speak, but I was quick to cut him off.
"I'll see you at work Nathaniel, try not to don't do anything stupid."
He nodded slowly and planted a small kiss on my forehead before turning to leave.
The minute he walked out of the door, my heart began to ache because deep down inside, I knew he wasn't ever going to be ready to let me or anyone else in, but if he was willing to put that blindfold of trust on and fall, then I'd be there to catch him.
--