Leukemia. My brain shuts down the minute the words leave his mouth. I can't have Leukemia. Not now. When my life is starting to fall into place. How would we even make this work? Dimitri would leave for tour and I would be stuck here fighting this on my own. All alone since everyone I know who lives here would be on tour. I could always go back home I guess.
Then again Dimitri will more than likely demand to postpone the tour, but I can't let him do that. Way to many people rely on him for a pay check. That wouldn't be fair to them. After hearing that word I wish I was pregnant instead.
"Skylar," I hear my name being called as though I'm in a tunnel. I fight my way though my jumbled thought to refocus on the doctor. "As I was explaining to your brother the best way to confirm if it is Leukemia or not is for you to see a blood specialist. I'll give you a list of the doctors we work with. Sadly with it being close to the weekend you probably won't be able to do much till next week."
All I can do is nod my head and feel Tray gripping onto my hand. I glance at his face to read what he might be thinking, but his face is completely blank.
"I'm very sorry I wish I had better news, but like I said your symptoms are leading me to believe Leukemia. I hope I'm wrong. Please make that appointment with the blood specialist. The sooner this is caught the better."
"Thank you doctor," I stammer.
The doctor takes my other hand, "it was very nice to meet you Skylar. I wish you the best. Once you have made your appointment call the office here and we will send your file and the findings of the CAT scan to them. A nurse will be in shortly to being you the barium for you to drink and take you to where you can wait." He glances at Tray. "And since your brother his is the famous Tray Alard and your boyfriend is Dimitri Brandt I'll make sure they put you somewhere away from curious eyes."
He did recognize who we were, but remained professional through out the entire process. By my shocked expression he continues with a chuckle. "Just because I'm older doesn't mean I don't listen to rock. Steel Wolf happens to be one of my favorites. Like I said it was very nice to meet you. Just wish it was under different circumstances. Also don't worry about this being leaked to the public I changed the name on your file and made a note. So anyone flipping though wouldn't make the connection."
"Thank you so much doctor. That really means a lot to me." I tell him with the first smile I've had since he entered the room.
He smiles and nods his head, "the nurse will be right back soon." He stands and shakes our hands before leaving the room.
A defining silence falls between us. Neither one of us knowing what to say because there were no words that could make this better. The only person I wanted was Dimitri, but he didn't even know we were here. The guilt that had been eating at me since all of this started flares. I check my phone and see no messages from Dimitri. He must still be in the interview.
Since this CAT scan is going to take awhile I wonder what we are going to do. Dimitri is going to wonder why I'm out so late without taking one of his cars. He's also going to have a shit ton of questions when Tray drops me off.
Tray steps away from me and sits in the chair lost in thought. I catch him wiping at his eyes. "Tray don't start crying or I will. When I finally crack there will be no stopping the tears."
He takes a deep breath, "I need a cigarettes," he says rubbing his hands over his face.
I tilt my head to the side, "but you don't smoke."
His hands slide down his face and says incredulously, "no I don't. But hearing news like that about your bestest best friend will make you do things you normally wouldn't do."
"Tray," I sigh, but stop from saying what was on my mind because in walked the nurse.
"Hello Skylar. Here's the barium we will need you to drink," she says handing it to my, but Tray takes it instead. "If you would follow me I'll take you to where you can wait."
She leads us to a a space that greatly resembled the room we had been waiting in before. The nurse leaves directions with us for the barium. I sit in the nearest seat and curl my legs underneath me. Tray takes the chair next to me.
Both of us sit in silence waiting for the test to be completed. At one point my phone buzzed with a text from Dimitri. A few tears stared to build behind my eyes, but I fought them back. I will not cry here. My tears can fall freely once I'm back to Dimitri's condo.
Hey babe! just checking in. I would call you, but I don't have much time. The interview went great, but ran way longer than anyone expected. Lenny Cross is taking us out for a late lunch earlier dinner. I could swing by and pick you up if would like to join us.
Shit I'm not home and we still have awhile yet till the test is done.
No I'm good. I'm enjoying being lazy. You go and have fun. Maybe bring me a dinner to go?
Are you sure? I miss you. It would be no problem to come pick you up.
Miss you to. And yes I'm sure. Go enjoy Mr. Rockstar. I'll see you when you get home.
I love knowing you are at home waiting for me and I love you calling our place home. I love you. I'm the happiest man alive. I never thought my life could be this great and it's all because of you. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you.
What the hell do I say to that? Telling him through text that there is a big possibility I have Leukemia is not the way to go. Maybe I could wait to tell him till after I see the blood specialist. That way I would have more answers and I would know for sure what we are dealing with. But that would mean waiting even longer to tell him. I feel like banging my head on the wall.
"You have to tell him tonight." Tray's voice cuts through my thoughts. He turns in his chair to stare at me. "You can't go through this alone and we both know Dimitri will want to be there."
"But I have you," I mumble.
"Yes you do and you always will, but this is something you and Dimitri need to sort out. Not your bestest best friend and you. If you want me to come with you guys to the appointment I would be more than happy to, but only if you tell Dimitri." I glance down at my hands. "How would you feel if this situation was reversed? You would be beyond pissed." I not my head and a few tears leak out.
"Tray," I whimper, "how do I tell him I might have Leukemia? Wouldn't it be better if I had more answers?"
"Of course having more answers would be nice, but you have put of telling him long enough. I know if I was in Dimitri's shoes I would want to know wither you had all the answers all not."
My phone buzzes again with another text from Dimitri. Shoot I had forgotten to respond earlier. I hope he didn't decide to go back to the house anyways.
Baby you there? I'm getting a little worried and about to head back home now.
I'm fine I got distracted by something on the TV. I love you to. Go enjoy before your phone gets taken away for texting me.
Alright babe. See you soon.
The nurse comes and get me for the CAT scan. Once the scans were done Tray and I were able to leave. Thankfully we had no problem sneaking back past the front desk and able to return to his car without any issues.
Every since our earlier conversation Tray hasn't said much to me. I could tell he was disappointed in my not wanting to tell Dimitri. I was disappointed in myself. Dimitri isn't only my boyfriend, but also my best friend and you don't keep something like this from your best friend. No matter how hard it will be to talk about I need to tell him.
I was beyond happy when we finally returned to Dimitri's condo. Tray and I had been sitting at that doctors office all day. All I wanted to do was curl up on the couch and relax. My energy was nonexistent at the moment. Even though all I had done was sit around all day it just wasn't the same in compared to being home.
Tray helped me to the couch then snuck into the kitchen. "You don't have to stay. I don't need a babysitter." I call out to him.
He laughs a fake sounding laugh, "don't think so. I don't want another call saying you need me and then when I get here I discover you on the floor." He changes the subject, "I'm going to make you some soup hopefully it will stay down."
I can hear him opening and closing cabinets looking for what he needs. Sadly I hadn't have been here long enough to be much help. He must have found what he was looking for because I hear the microwave turn on. A few minutes pass then Tray returns to the family room with a piping hot bowl of soup. He sets it down on the coffee table and hands me a spoon.
"Take your time," he says then heads back to the kitchen to make himself something to eat. He returns with a sandwich. We eat in silence. I miss the goofy silly Tray. In fact I could use that Tray right now.
I finish what I can from soup and sit back on the couch curling up against the arm rest. A shiver runs through me so Tray lays a blanket over me and I snuggle into the warmth.
"How are you feeling," he ask sitting back and running worried eyes over me.
That is such a loaded questions. Does he mean physically or emotionally? Because physically I feel like garbage and emotionally I don't know what to feel. I need Dimitri. That has me pause for a moment. I. Need. Dimitri. Those three words have never been truer then they are right now. I need him beside me. Shouldering this with me. I check my phone and see no messages from him. A sadness seeps into me.
"Like shit. I hope Dimitri is on his way home. I need him," I admit.
"About damn time," Tray says rubbing my legs.
In that moment the tears I've been fighting all day since the doctor delivered his news start to fall and I turn into a sobbing mess. Unlike last time Tray walked in on my crying he doesn't run away. Instead he gathers me in his arms and rocks me like a parent would rock a child.
"I don't want to die Tray," I sob once I'm able to speak wrapping my arms around his neck.
"Shh Skylar. You know for a fact none of us will let that happen. You will have the best doctors money can buy and we will take you where ever you need to go to get the best care," he soothes me rubbing my back.
"But what about the tour," I whisper.
He cackles, "are you kidding me?" He looks down at me in disbelief. "You're worried about the tour when you might have Leukemia."
"What," says a male voice apprehensively.
I peek at the entrance to see a disgruntled Dimitri.