CHAPTER SIXTEEN |
gotta be somebody
***
KAYLA WAS ON FaceTime with Dave when she heard the rustling in her kitchen. She heard the banging of pots and groaned.
"Dude, quit breaking my stuff!" she yelled out to Sam who went in there like fifteen minutes ago looking for food.
"Sorry!" Sam's voice came out muffled as she turned back to Dave who was smiling brightly and looking better than she'd seen him in a long time.
"Are you still coming to visit next week? I miss you." she asked with a hopeful smile.
He chuckled, answering. "Yes, I'm still coming. I'm going through Kayla withdrawal. But hey, I gotta go get ready for my date."
"Tell Evan I said hi. You better bring him next week. I wanna meet him." Kayla gave him a stern look that only amused Dave.
"I promise, Kay. Now, go. I think Sam is trying to break your kitchen." he chuckled, blowing her a kiss before he ended the call.
She smiled, looking at the blank screen. She felt whole talking to Dave after it had been so long. He was away at college, so they didn't really see each other as much as they used to and calls only happened once in a while. She was really excited for next week. She was pulled out of her thoughts by more banging in the kitchen, so she sighed, getting up off the couch to see what wreck Sam had left it in.
When she approached the kitchen, a near gasp left her, seeing every brand of pasta and noddle on her floor. "Sam, what the hell?"
He looked at her with a worrisome gaze. "I—I can explain!" he stuttered out. She stood with her arms crossed, waiting for his response. She tapped her foot on the tile impatiently as Sam unzipped his backpack and pulled out a canvas and just like that, Kayla's jaw was dropping to the floor.
"Is that... a macaroni likeness of Kurt's face?" she trailed, inspecting the artwork. He nodded, though a dark blush was covering his cheeks and part of his neck as he admitted it.
He stammered out a response. "I—I just needed some more rotini shells. I promise I'll buy you new ones! I just needed them now."
She chuckled warmly, sending him one of those special smiles she had reserved just for him. "It's fine, Sam. Just—is there a reason why you're making Kurt out of pasta?"
He sighed, grabbing her hand and pulling her back to the living room to sit down. He laid the canvas on the coffee table and began pacing back and forth. She looked up at him with worry. She'd never really seen him act like this, so she grabbed his hand again, pulling him onto the couch with him. "Hey, it's okay. Whatever it is, I'm here for you."
Sam smiled slightly as he looked at her before he took a deep breath. "Okay, so I haven't told anyone this and there's not really a reason for it because I know you and my family would be fine with it. I guess I've just been trying to understand it myself before I told anyone. Uh, but now it just seems silly that I haven't. You're like my best friend, Magenta. You deserve to know."
She rubbed her thumb along his hand and squeezed it gently. "You can tell me anything."
"I... I think I'm bi," he shook his head. "No, I know I am. I just, I've never told anyone this before. Am I supposed to be this nervous?"
Kayla's features softened at his words and she found herself breaking out into a smile before she was pulling him into a hug, whispering, "I'm so proud of you."
"Really?"
She furrowed her brows, continuing to smile at him. "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"
"I—I don't know. I just... I've had a hard time accepting it. I guess I just worried you wouldn't accept that part of me." he mumbled.
She sighed, pushing his chin back up from where he started staring at his lap. "Samuel, I'm pan. There is no way on earth that I could ever not accept that part of you. And even if I wasn't, I'm still your best friend and best friends love every part of you and this is the most real I have ever seen you. I can't say I'm not surprised because that's definitely not what I was expecting, but I love you so much and I couldn't be prouder."
Sam's eyes welled up a bit, so Kayla kissed his cheek and pulled him into another hug. She chuckled breathlessly. "Please don't tell me you're in love with Blaine now."
Sam laughed, shaking his head. "No, he's not my type. Actually, um, Kurt was the one who helped me realize. That's why I wanted to do the macaroni art. It's kinda like mapping out my journey in discovering who I am."
"Are you gonna do me?" she asked before she realized how dirty the phrase sounded and she blushed. He laughed, taking her hand in his again. "Oh, yeah. I'll definitely do you."
She slapped his arm, but laid her head on his shoulder, settling into his warmth. Somehow this revelation made Kayla feel more close to him than she ever had. She knew this had been tough for him. She remembered the fear she had telling her parents. The situations were completely different because Kayla was forced to come out to her parents before they heard the rumors, but she was so scared they wouldn't accept her and when they did with open arms, she almost didn't believe it. She wanted to be Sam's person. She'd helped many people through their sexuality crises, but this was different. This was her best friend and he was finally, authentically himself.
←⧪→
It was Wednesday afternoon that Kayla performed her guilty pleasure song in the auditorium. She tapped the microphone before she spoke. "Okay, so this is a super unpopular opinion, but my guilty pleasure, my one dirty little secret, is that I'm a huge fan of Nickelback."
She heard the sounds of disgust in the audience. She was pretty sure she heard Artie gag. She rolled her eyes. "Whatever. You guys can hate it all you want, but I've loved this song since I was a kid. I used to sit in my bedroom and dream about what it would be like to find someone who really loved me. I've asked Sam to help me out, so here we go!"
< gotta be somebody, nickelback >
She nodded over to Sam to start playing and he flashed her a smile and a wink before he played the opening chords as she moved up to the microphone, clutching it with both hands. "This time, I wonder what it feels like to find someone in this life. The one we all dream of, but dreams just aren't enough. So I'll be waiting for the real thing. I'll know it by the feeling, the moment that we're meeting. It'll play it out like a scene straight from the silver screen, so I'll be holding my breath right up till the end, until that moment when I find the one that I'll spend forever with."
Kayla sighed before she began the chorus, placing her fingers on her own guitar strings. She looked back at Sam for a moment, taking in his smile and his hair swinging back and forth through the jerky movements of his playing. This song reminded her of him. Realistically, she never felt like she'd ever find the one until she started falling for him. As much as she loved Rachel, she just couldn't shake the feeling that her and Sam were meant to be.
"Cause nobody wants to be the last one there and everyone wants to feel like someone cares. Someone to hold with your life in their hands. There's gotta be somebody for me like that. Nobody wants to do it all on their own. Everyone wants to know they're not alone. There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere. There's gotta be somebody for me out there."
When the song ended, Kayla let out a sigh of relief. Everyone was clapping for her and Sam moved over to pull her into a hug and even though both of them were kind of disgusting from sweating and playing, she smiled, holding him close. Sam called for Blaine to come up next while he and Kayla moved back into the audience, sitting next to each other. She frowned, watching Blaine walk on the stage and sit at the piano. There was something different about him lately. Something was bothering him and when he started playing and looked out into the audience, she finally understood.
Blaine's eyes stayed trained on Sam the whole time. She knew this feeling better than anyone and truthfully, she should've seen it coming. Of course Blaine would develop a crush on his best friend, but Kayla knew two things. First, that Blaine wasn't Sam's type and second, that Blaine was looking for love in all the wrong places. After Blaine finished pouring his soul on the stage, he admitted his love for Phil Collins, but Kayla knew he was just admitting his crush on Sam. Almost everyone had left the auditorium aside from Blaine and Kayla. She watched his eyes follow Sam and Brittany's entwined hands as they left. She did the same thing too.
"Bee?" Kayla mumbled and he hummed, looking up at her. She sat down next to him, rubbing his back soothingly.
"I know you like Sam."
He physically tensed under her touch, but he quickly refuted the allegation, his voice raising in pitch the way it only did when he felt guilty and if they'd learned anything this week, it was that holding back secrets only made them feel guiltier.
She spoke softly. "No, it's okay. I, um, I do too."
"Oh." his voice was barely above a whisper, but she could feel him relaxing again. "I didn't think I was that obvious."
"Babe, subtlety is not your forte." Kayla laughed and she saw him quirk a little smile with it. She said, "I know you think Sam is beautiful and funny and sweet. But I also think you're projecting onto him."
"What do you mean?"
She sighed. "Like... I know you're not over Kurt. I saw you guys at the wedding and you weren't subtle then, either. You love Kurt and it's easier for you to project feelings onto your best friend so you don't have to deal with those other feelings."
Blaine sniffled a little bit, looking down at his lap. "I know you're right. I just, um, I don't wanna admit that you are."
"Remember end of the last year when I started sleeping with Sam?" He nodded in response. "I think the reason I got back together with Ollie was because I knew I felt something for him and it scared the shit out of me, so I projected it all in these old feelings I had for her. You and me, we're a lot alike. We're great at screwing things up."
"I don't want to. I just, I wish I never slept with Wyatt. It was stupid. I was stupid."
The conversation of Wyatt hadn't come up for awhile. He transferred out pretty much as soon as he slept with Blaine. A lot of the club didn't like him and it was just a bad idea. At times Kayla felt bad for him because he really was just a kid with a crush on Blaine and it escalated, but based on his Instagram he was doing great leading Aural Intensity. She was happy for him. She just wanted Blaine to be happy again too.
"I'm not gonna make you feel better because it was definitely the stupidest thing you ever did, but somehow I know that you and Kurt are gonna get through this because frankly, I have never seen two people more meant to be together." she answered warmly.
Blaine didn't say anything. He just wrapped his arms around her for awhile and after the silence became deafening, he whispered, "He loves you too. He just doesn't know it yet."
And those were the words Kayla needed to hear the most. It made her feel like everything was going to be okay and she needed it to be. She needed her best friend to love her again and she needed to stop beating herself up for things she couldn't change. Getting back together with Ollie was a mistake, but someday soon Sam was going to love her again. She just had to be patient.
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[A/N: kurt being sam's gay awakening is my headcanon, what about it? please don't remind me what the next episode is because i'm not mentally prepared for how much it's gonna fuck me up. and i have a new klaine book (Mister Americanw and the Heartbreak Prince!) up if you want to check that out. it's based on Red, White, and Royal Blue (which i'm only now realizing is basically a smut, so its gonna be spicy 💀) but anyway, we're almost to 42k! love you all 😭💗💗💗]
*edited 1/17/23
~ Dani