The tent zipper opens and I cover my eyes with my hands when the sun hits my face, I can't see anything but a figure.
Alexander has an arm around me and I'm cuddled up next to him. I quickly push him away as soon as I notice.
I remember I asked him to share the same tent because I was scared to sleep alone, then we had another couple of drinks but I'm pretty sure nothing happened.
We probably cuddled because it was cold.
We both sit up and the figure moves a bit, getting in front of the sun.
Dominic is staring at us.
"Oh. Hey," I mutter and he seems disappointed.
I get out of the tent and Derek is standing right behind him.
My knees go instantly weak and I'm involuntarily holding my breath at his sight.
Derek is shirtless and he has only a pair of short pants on. He recently shaved his facial hair and his face looks so smooth. I don't know how he always looks so much younger without the stub.
Alexander comes out of the tent right after me and I notice he is also shirtless which I'm gonna kill him for. This is horrible.
It looks like we slept together.
I finally look at Derek's face and he is staring at Alex, visibly hurt and annoyed. He quickly looks away as soon as he sees me.
Fuck.
Even Dominic is staring at us disappointed.
"What? We only slept." Alexander defends himself as he notices their looks of disapproval.
No one says anything and I look at my feet. I didn't even bother to take off my shoes. I was pretty drunk, but it's nothing new.
Derek walks away and I'm confused, why is he even here? Didn't Dominic say he was busy?
His presence is so comforting, but he also makes me nervous.
"He arrived now. He didn't want to come at first but then he changed his mind." Dominic explains and I nod, still confused.
Alexander walks to the fire pit which is now put off and Dominic pulls me aside.
"What are you doing with Alexander?" He asks with a judgmental tone. I frown and he lets go of my arm.
"I'm not doing anything. You left me alone, I don't like sleeping alone in the woods."
"Well, at least I had an amazing night." He winks and I playfully shove him and he smiles.
"I just remembered I need to tell you something about Derek, but right now I'm hungry," he says and I'm left confused. What?
I hate people who say this and then leave me wondering and worrying for hours.
He leaves before I can tell him to say it now.
I go back into the tent and I lay down, annoyed. This trip is turning out to be more boring than I expected.
The look on Derek's face. He seemed so disappointed. I want to talk to him more than anything but I know I shouldn't. I will just make everything worse.
I look in my backpack and I grab some cookies. I don't even care to eat something healthier or more filling.
I grab Alexander's backpack and I open the smallest pocket, in which I find a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.
At least this will lighten up my mood.
I take three cigarettes out and I grab his jacket because I don't know where I left mine.
I walk out of the tent and I light up the cigarette as I look at the view.
The woods are beautiful here, in Jackson. It's quite breezy but sunny in the morning and I sit down on the grass, near a downhill.
I look at the tall trees, a few oyster mushrooms here and there, many varieties of colorful flowers, and the birds singing.
For the first time in ages, I can appreciate the nature around me.
Before I was abused... I used to always appreciate everything around me. The scenery, people, the small things in life.
I always focused on every tiny detail. It was so stunning.
I finish the cigarette and for a few moments I think about the scars on my body, they are faded but not completely gone. I try to hide them with foundation and concealer when I wear a short sleeve top.
I stand up and I put the other two cigarettes in the jacket as I walk to the fire pit.
Louis and Nicole come out of the same tent, laughing and it feels so weird...
James is staring at them with jealousy and pure rage on his face and it gives me chills down my spine- he looks like he wants to murder them.
This is why I don't want him around.
What if that was Nicole's idea? Use Louis to get James jealous? Or maybe Louis knows about this...
Derek is sitting near Olivia and I become livid when I see her stupid hand around him.
I look away, trying to focus my attention on something else so it doesn't show how fucking jealous I am right now.
What is he doing?!
You gave up on him.
God, my mind is completely irritating today. I sit on the fallen trunk we decided to use as a wood bench.
It's quite far from them but Derek takes a glance at me, he turns his face to Olivia just as quick and they smile.
I can't look away, I try to, but I can't stop myself from focusing only on them.
The way she twirls her stupid red hair around her finger and he smiles, not even bothering to push away her hand on his arm.
His hair seems slightly shorter than before so he probably got a haircut. The shaved face and shorter hair make him look younger but breathtaking.
He isn't shirtless anymore so I analyze him for a few seconds. He is wearing a tight black t-shirt and his muscular chest is protruding through, Olivia's hand is on his biceps and he doesn't seem to mind at all.
His sweatpants are gray and I hate to admit how good he looks in them.
Derek catches me analyzing him and I look away embarrassed.
Then I look at him again and he is still laughing with Olivia.
She tightens her grip and almost jumps on him, before I can even see the full scene, I stand up turning my back to them.
Fuck, I'm disgusted.
I grab a water bottle and I chug it down. I hate him. Is he doing this on purpose or perhaps he never cared about me?
I look for Alexander and after countless searches, he is in the tent.
I join him, closing the tent because I'm so fucking tired of everyone and the fucking sunshine isn't helping.
I want to go home already.
"What's up?" Alex asks as he is laying down, still shirtless.
"I just want to go home. I hate it here," I spit and he sits up.
"We are leaving tomorrow night, can't you resist one day?"
"No. I'm so tired of this place and everyone," I say while looking down.
He doesn't say anything so I sit near him.
"Do you- Do you have any cocaine?" I stutter a bit and he seems shocked by my question.
As if it's the first time I ask for cocaine. I puff and he shifts uncomfortably.
"You always offered it, now you don't want to?" I ask him again and he doesn't look at me.
He doesn't want to give me cocaine. But why?
"I don't have cocaine. I forgot it." He is lying.
He is definitely lying. I can tell by his body language, it's so obvious. He would never forget coke. Not on a trip.
I decide not to pressure him because there is no point. I'll just stick to alcohol and cigarettes, I guess.
Evening
"Let's play truth or dare?" Shanice suggests and I look at Nicole, she seems excited to play and James has been staring at her the whole day. Particularly Louis.
Olivia sat next to Derek, again.
I've tried my best to not look at them but sometimes I fail and I notice how close they are and my face completely changes. She notices that too.
"Alex, you start," Shanice says and Alex gulps down the whole drink.
"Dare," he says and everyone cheers him on for his brave choice.
I don't really want to play this stupid game and I never understand why they are so keen on it but I just want time to pass quicker, I'm getting drunk anyway.
I take the whisky bottle and I drink from it, I feel Derek's eyes on me but I don't bother to look at him.
"I dare you to give us a striptease."
"Oh, Shanice, just be honest. You want to see him naked," Dominic teases her and everyone laughs except me.
He slowly starts taking off his shirt and I look away, I don't give a shit about this game or seeing Alex half-naked.
I'd be lying if I said I'm not still upset by Derek and Olivia and it's not getting better.
She wants to make me jealous, she takes pleasure in seeing me frown every time she touches him, and he doesn't give a shit.
Alexander finishes his dare and they all clap, except for Derek, who is looking at me.
We lock eyes for a few seconds but he seems so cold, it's like he is the disappointed one.
Excuse me?
"Ronnie, truth or dare?" Alexander asks me and I look away from Derek.
"Ehm, truth," I mutter and everyone seems upset I chose truth.
"Coward. I won't let you have it easy," Alex says and Shanice chuckles.
They wait for a few minutes and Alexander finally gets an idea. I'm waiting impatiently for him to say it so I can be done with it.
"Who would you fuck here? Besides Derek," he asks and my mouth falls to the ground.
He. Did. Not.
He did not just say that.
I know he is drunk as fuck but that's not an excuse.
Everyone is staring at me and then at Derek, I'm too flustered to even look.
I drink again from the bottle and I give Alex the death stare.
I'm going to kill him later.
"So?" Alex pressures me to reply and I look at the bottle, trying to ignore all the people looking at me. Especially Olivia and Derek.
"We all know the answer," James says pointing to himself and I think I want to kill him more than Alex.
Derek rolls his eyes and our eyes lock again for a few seconds, I can feel my cheeks flaring up red.
Why am I reacting like this? It's just a damn question. Who would I fuck besides Derek?
This question implies I want to fuck Derek. Which is completely not true.
"Alex," I admit and it almost comes out as a whisper but everyone heard it.
Just because it happened before, I don't really see myself sleeping with Dominic or James, or some other random guy who is here and I don't know.
And maybe some part of me wants to make Derek jealous. It's fair if he does it first.
They all laugh at me and some guys high five Alexander.
I sense Derek's eyes glaring at me and I don't dare to look in his direction.