I thought since I was so tired that falling asleep would be easy, but every time I would close my eyes I was taken back to the moment of the attack. I could still feel his hands on my and his breath against the side of my neck. No matter how many times I would continue to tell myself that I was safe he was still lurking in the shadows. Finally Dimitri returned to check on me.
"What are you still doing awake baby," he asks me sitting on the bed and running his fingers down my face.
This is a deciding moment I can keep my darkened thoughts to myself or I tell him the truth. If I don't tell him I won't add to his guilt, but if he was to find out then I would be dealing with an extremely pissed Dimitri. If I tell him he will take on more guilt, but I wouldn't be keeping a secret from him. With how my luck has been going laity if I don't tell him he will still find out. Guess the saying ripping the Band-Aid off it coming to play here.
"Every time I close my eyes the memories flood in. Makes it hard to sleep," I tell him with exhaustion coating my tone. I decide to tell him because I don't want there to be secrets between us.
"Baby," he sighs. "I so focused on making sure physically you were okay that I forgot about the emotional trauma." He goes to stand and not wanting him to pull away I latch onto his hand.
"Please stay with me," I ask drearily needing to feel his arms around me.
"Of course." This time when he stands from the bed I let him. "I was only going to take off my shirt and pants the last time so I could be comfortable laying with you," he informs me. He then proceeded to strip till he's only standing in his boxers. Normally I would have gotten drunk at the sight of him, but right now I'm hoping his presence will help me sleep.
He lifts the cover and slides in next to me. I snuggle my back to his front and he wraps his arms around me. He kisses the top of my head and my heart stutters from the action.
"Better," he asks me kissing the back of my shoulder and linking his fingers with mine.
"Better," I tell him and meaning it. Having his arms wrapped around me I already feel safer and this time when I close my eyes no dark memories consume me.
"Good. We are on the road to the next site." I've never been so glad to leave a location before. Only one happy memory from Boston and that was meeting Lea. Everything else I would rather forget. "Aubree pushed the show back by a day so it's going to be tight for a few days, but nothing too serious."
"Okay," I whisper. "I should be feeling better by the time the concert starts."
He shakes his head behind me, "you are staying on the bus and sitting this one out."
The thought of be alone on the bus causes panic to rise in my throat and I forget how to breathe for a second. Dimitri sensing my distress rubs my back and tells me to breathe. He keeps asking me what's wrong.
Finally I'm able to rasp out, "don't want to be alone." Realization lights his eyes at my words.
"Of course baby," he says gently. "I'll stay with you for as long as I can and then when I have to leave Frank can stay with you. Okay," he asks pulling my hair from my face so he can kiss me.
I nod my head, "okay. Sorry for the hassle."
"Hassle," he asks sounding astonished I would even say such a thing. "Baby you're never a hassle. I want you to feel safe and if this will help you feel safe so be it. I'll higher fifty people to guard you if you wanted me to."
A small giggle forms imaging myself trying to navigate through life with fifty people surrounding me at all times. "No I'm good. Frank will be more than enough."
"Okay baby. Not try and get some sleep."
I snuggle into his arms and fall asleep safe in Dimitri's arms.
~*~
A loud bang followed by an even louder fuck wake me from my nap. I lay there for a moment debating if I should try and get some more sleep, but the pain in my head won't allow me to. With much difficultly I crack an eye open and almost pee myself laughing.
Dimitri is trying to balance a tray laden with food while he picks up a water bottle, the source of the bang. Sure I could help him, but I was enjoying the show. Every time he would move either something would shift on the tray or the bottle would roll. I finally cave to help in fear of the food landing all over the bed.
"Want some help," I ask sitting up on the bed.
Dimitri jumps a little not expecting my voice. "Can you please take this," he hands me the tray without waiting for an answer. I take it from him and set it carefully on the middle of the bed. Since the tray was no longer in his arms he was able to grab the water bottle from off the floor and brightens the room.
I glance over the tray to see what goodies he brought. He made some grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. Perfect combination. My mouth water waters in anticipation and my stomach lets out a loud grumble.
"Thought I'd bring you lunch in bed. Figured we could eat and have our talk," he tells me standing awkwardly at the door as though he fears I'll keep him out.
I pat the open spot on the other side of the bed, "don't just stand there come sit. You can't eat from all the way over there." He needs no more encouragement to join me and soon we are eating the food he brought.
"Almost forgot," he reaches for a container on his table, "your medication." He hands me the pills and I swallow them. Normally I'm not one to take pain pills, but the desire to not have a massive headaches wins.
"Thank you," I pause for a minute glancing at the half eaten food, "for everything."
Dimitri blushes and glances away for a second as though he is slightly embarrassed. "Don't mention it. You would do the same for me."
"I would," I confess. When he turns back around a smile graces his lips which I return. "So," I say not sure where to start.
"So," he returns. Seems neither one of us know how to start this soon to be awkward conversation. Currently we are back in our protective bubble and neither one of us wants to be the one to pop it.
I start to play with the blanket on the bed not wanting to meet his intense gaze. This whole situation is shitty.
Dimitri jumps from the bed causing the tray to shift on the bed sloshing the soup. "Sorry. Let me take this off the bed for now." He removes the tray and places it on the small couch. Next Dimitri plays music on the Bluetooth speaker keeping the volume low. "I needed some music." He also dims the lights.
Dimitri joins me back on the bed and we are both sitting with out backs against the headboard, but not touching.
He hangs his head in shame, "Skylar I'd understand if you wanted to leave me after the shit I did to you again."
"Dimitri look at me." He refuses my request so I force him and the bleakness in his eyes is my undoing. "Baby," I say more gently, "let me start by saying yes I'm extremely upset with your behavior, but leaving you never once crossed my mind. You're it for me."
Slowly he raises his hand to cup my face and pull out heads till out foreheads are touching, "I don't deserve you."
"No you don't," I agree with him biting my lip to prevent myself from smiling. I rub my nose against his, "but I'm yours all the same."
"I love you," he whispers with his blue eyes staring deeply into mine.
"Love you to." I take a deep breath and then ask the question that was nagging at me. "What happened?"
He pulls away for a second and runs his hand though his hair before taking mine in his. Then his confession begins. "Yesterday was the perfect storm." At my puzzled expression he adds, "I promise I'll explain everything to you. For Madison to know to use Keith she must have overheard me talking to the guys about you and Keith at some point. I never tried to hide my disdain for him," he says with a shrug. "My guess is she waited for the perfect opportunity in order to use it."
"Then when she saw the text over my shoulder she knew her time had come. Because from an outsider the text really did read as though I was cheating on you," I say interrupting him.
"When she came into the dressing room with your phone I had first thought you had lost it and she was returning it, but then she told me to read the last text you had received. And when I did I saw red." He gathers me in his arms so I'm in tapped by his arms. "But that's not the only reason I was on edge. Earlier I had received a text from Sierra."
I gasp, "your ex Sierra?"
He nods his head behind me, "the very one. I guess she moved to Boston awhile back and earlier at work she over heard her co-workers talking about coming to see us."
I try to wiggle out his arms needing space and my breathing picks up. She was one of two exs that majorly fucked with his head and it took him forever to get his head back on straight after her. "Please tell me you didn't see her." The statement leaves my lips before I could stop it.
"No. I have no desire to see her," he informs me sounding appalled I even asked him that.
I stop wiggling in his arms and allow myself to relax against him feeling happy knowing he didn't see her. "What did she want?" I ask trying to sound indifferent. The key word was trying. He has a few exs I would rather remain out of out lives, but there are two main ones and she is one of them.
"First she asked if we were playing in Boston and that's when she told me about her move. She asked if I could get her tickets and if I had time to catch up."
"Not surprised," I mutter under my breathe. She was always asking for something the gold digging whore that she was. His step mom and I had to fight with him to get him to see Sierra for what she really was.
Dimitri smiles into the back of my head and teasingly says, "easy baby the green monster is showing."
I huff and cross my arms, "look who's talking. And no I'm not jealous," I say denying his claim even thought we both know a small part of me is. "How did you respond?"
"I told her that I couldn't get her tickets and as for catching up it wouldn't be appropriate because I'm dating you." He kisses the side of my neck and I return my hands to rest on top of his. "She then got nasty." Again I'm not surprised by this. "She accused me of lying when we were dating and I kept telling her you and I were just friends. The handful of texts we exchanged dragged me into a dark place," he says the last part softly.
He was so infatuated with this girl when they were dating he could only see what he wanted to see. She only wanted him around when it was convenient for her and she would down talk to him all time. They were constantly fighting over the stupidest shit and when Dimitri got signed all she saw were the dollar signs. I had a gut feeling she was cheating on him, but whenever he would confront her she would swing it in a away that he ended up believing her. Dimitri and I got into many a disagreement over her. Till one day he caught her red handed with another man in bed. Dimitri had gone to surprise her and instead he got a surprise.
Then for months after that she would continue to call and text him and him being the person he is he would respond to her every single time. He would get off the phone with her and call me sounding a mess. More than once I had to talk him out of taking her back. Finally one day he woke up and stopped responding. Don't think he's talked to her since then till now.
His blow up earlier makes more sense now. Madison must have caught him either during or after his conversation with Sierra. I'm sure the conversation brought up many painful memories for him. He's never been completely the same since that relationship. He's always held something back. So with having Sierra reaching out bringing up unpleasant memories and then add in the history I share with Keith and the distain Dimitri has for him Dimitri was right that was the perfect storm. Does it give a get out of jail free card? No, but I have a better understanding where is my was and why he did what he did.
"I'm going to take a guess you were thinking about how she cheated on you when Madison showed you that text?" I ask already knowing the answer, but wanting everything out in the open.
"Yes," he tells me shaking his head and burring it into the side of my neck. "I was remembering how I felt when I walked into her bedroom and found them together. Then Madison showed me that text and I feared it was happening again. So to defend myself I went straight to lashing out at you instead of reminding myself you aren't her."
I turn in his arms so I'm straddling him and can look into his eyes. My arms go around his neck and his hands rest on my ass. "Dimitri. I will never cheat on you. I would rather cut off an arm then cheat on you. I'm sorry for all the shit those other dumb bitches put you through. But like you said I'm not them."
He swallows his eyes focused on my cleavage and I can feel another part of him awakening. "Dimitri," I scold him slapping his arm. "We are having an important conversation and your thinking about sex."
At least he has the notion to appear embarrassed. "Sorry baby, but you sitting like this turns me on." He squeezes my ass and I roll my eyes.
"Can we focus please?"
"I'll try," he tells me his eyes meeting mine dancing with playfulness. "With a clear head I know you would never cheat on me. That's not who you are. She just knows how to play on my insecurities and I let her."
"Are you still talking to her? Because if so you need to stop," I tell him in my no nonsense tone. He's in a good place in his life and the last thing he needs is her coming around fucking with his head again.
He kisses my cheek and runs his hands up and down my back. "No I'm not. I blocked her number and I'm thinking about getting mine changed so she can't ever contact me again."
I laugh, "still don't know what you've kept the same number all these years."
"Because its a pain in the ass to send out the new number," he complains. Then he gets a cat got the cream smile. "But I could push it off to Aubree's assistant to do it for me. I never thought about having them doing it in the past because I never trusted them."
"What makes you think I'm Aubree's new assistant?" I never had a chance to share the news with him because the next time I saw him we got into a fight.
"Because when Aubree heard what I did she threatened to castrate me if I lost her the best assistant she ever had before she was able to have you due to my angry. She then proceeded to call me a slew of names I care not to repeat for treating you the way I did." He takes a deep breath and shutters. "Don't even get me started on the guys. Pretty sure at one point they threatened to kick me out of the band right then and there and leave me on the side of the road."
I laugh at that part imagining Dimitri being not only yelled at my Aubree, but his other band members. They must really like me for them to be threating to kick him out.
"Think this is funny do you," Dimitri asks his eyes shinning with mock angry. I nod my head yes in answer. "I'll show you!"
He then proceeded to tickle me and I fall backwards on to them bed. Dimitri continues to tickle me. At some point he end up hovering above me with my legs and arms wrapped around him. His eyes darken with need then he leans down and kisses me. I moan into his mouth and he deepens the kiss my slipping his tongue inside to stroke mine. I rub myself along his hardening cock enjoying the friction between us. Wishing our clothes were off and I could feel him against my skin.
He leaves my lips to trail of hot kisses down the side of my neck and I tilt myself so he could gain better accesses, which he more than uses. My sex tightens with need and a feeling of emptiness and want consumes me. After everything we have been through in the last twenty four hours or so I need to feel connected to him. I need to feel him inside me.
"Skylar do you have any idea how beautiful you are? How much I want you?" He asks.
"As much as I want you," I sigh wrapping my fingers in his hair.
Then someone knocks on the door.