tw- slight mentions of bulimia at the**
if there was one thing in the world I thought id be doing today it certainly wasn't pacing around my room attempting to hold myself together.
let me explain.
it was your average Thursday, I went to see Lisa and told Cara I was at the library, published the webpage and announced it on my social media.
id briefly messaged Billie but her messages weren't the best today. since i've had her number we'd been texting almost all day, every day but I cant really expect her to talk to me all the time.
Gabby, you're forgetting the part where she's a world famous celebrity and definitely has way more important people to talk about other than you.
anyways, I was sat with cara while we were eating the chicken stir fry I'd made when she got a text and her face lit up.
"oh my god it's Harrison"
"is he okay?" I asked, carefully spooning a mouthful of noodles into my mouth. i've been trying to control my eating, but no-one needed to know about that.
"yeah one sec" she tapped away on her phone, throwing a piece of chicken into her mouth and smiling.
"okay so it's the movie premiere tonight in New York, and Harry is staring in it so he flew here two days ago and wants to come and see me because he finally has some time"
I choked on my noodles.
no fucking way.
Harrison.
Here?
in this apartment?
at the same time as me?
"I don't have to like be here do I?"
"come on" Cara whined "he won't be long because he'll have to get ready and be famous and shit but he really wants to meet you"
"I love you Cara but I'd rather throw myself off the balcony"
"don't be so dramatic" she rolled her eyes "he's not like a typical celebrity I promise, you like won't even notice"
I won't notice?
is she blind?
he looks likes he's been carved from the gods.
even my gay ass thinks he's attractive.
anyways-
"no no its not him, its me"
"what do you mean?" she eyes me quizzically
"I look like this" I pointed, gesturing to my body.
"you think he cares? you're beautiful whatever you're wearing"
"I don't mean my clothes"
she seemed to think for a moment before gasping. "fuck all the way off Gabrielle, i'm serious you're so beautiful, he won't care whether you're size 2 or 22 and neither do I. I promise"
liar.
"ill just stay in my room" I muttered, standing up to put my dirty plate in the sink.
"no you won't. please Gabby" she pouted at me and I huffed. "fine, you owe me"
"yay!" she stood up and hugged me, even though I didn't hug her back.
she really needs to learn i'm not a hugger.
so here I am, pacing my room while her brother is about to arrive.
**
i'm glad i'm self conscious and always wear makeup or else ill be crying right now. I walk into the bathroom to brush my teeth, picking up my toothbrush when I pause, glancing over to the toilet.
go on
close the door and just get down on your knees
do it
do it
DO IT
with a shaky breath I close the door, filling up a glass of water and gulping it down, not caring about the water dripping down my chin.
I kneel in front of the toilet, toothbrush in hand and tie my hair up in a bun, lifting the lid and closing my eyes.
once I was done I wipe my mouth on my sleeve and stand up, reaching for the toothpaste to properly use my toothbrush this time.
**
I spray the bathroom and flush the toilet, closing the door behind me.
now just to find an outfit baggy enough to cover my rolls.
my eyes are stinging and I realise I need to take my contacts out and put my glasses on.
i'm sat on the edge of my bed, biting my nails when theres a knock at the door. I hear a shuffle and a scream, followed by a cry. Cara told me last night that they hadn't seen each other in months so I knew it was going to be emotional for her. "oh my god" I heard her cry.
I took a deep breath, taking a moment to collect my thoughts and glance at my outfit in the mirror.
baggy jeans which will only stay on with a belt? check
oversized hoodie which almost reaches my knees? check
I didn't want to dress up but opted for jeans rather than my usual attire of sweatpants.
"Gabby come here!"
I huffed, sliding my phone into the pocket of my jeans before opening my bedroom door and walking down the hall.
when I first walk into the room I notice Cara stood in front of her brother who towers over her short frame and glances up at me and smiles. "well well well if it isn't the infamous Gabrielle, ive heard so much about you. c'mere"
with a slight blush I shuffle over and into his open arms, hugging him back. my eyes are closed as I hug him but when I open them, I notice we're not alone.
sitting on the couch is-
no fucking way.
why is she here?
oh my god.
this cannot be happening.
Billie must've noticed my shocked face because she grinned and stood up. Harrison pulled away but I was still staring at Billie.
i'm barely paying attention to Cara and Harry because my eyes are glued to Billie who's walking towards me.
"you must be Gabrielle"
"woah you're so much smaller in person" I blurted out.
fuck
I did not mean to say that out loud.
"no hi Billie? its so lovely to meet you?" she smirked, opening her arms in front of me. I pulled her into my arms, her face pressed into my chest and i'm so glad I have a bra on.
she smells so good
"sorry, i uh I didn't realise you'd be here, I'm a big fan"
"its okay angel" she smiled, pulling away.
angel?
she knows who I am.
she knows.
SHE KNOWS.
"are you okay?"
"yeah sorry" I shook my head "I wasn't expecting my night to end up like this that's all"
"it's all good mama, I just decided to tag along before we need to get fitted for tonight"
of course.
she's accompanying her boyfriend to his movie premiere.
i'm so stupid.
the only thing that comes to my head is imagining baby billie lighting candles around her Justin Bieber shrine.
I snicker to myself at the thought.
Billie eyed me suspiciously and I shake my head "sorry, I got lost for a second there"
"its okay, I do it all the time" she smiles.
I go to reply when Harrison and Cara sit down on the sofa and me and Billie follow suit. without thinking I grab a pillow and cover my stomach as I tuck one of my legs under my bum.
I look so stupid.
"where are you from Gabby? how did you meet Cara" Billie asks
"i'm from the uk" she nodded her head, both Harry and Billie listening even though Harry probably already knew this. "okay and don't roast me but I met Cara on Tumblr like five years ago"
"bro that's crazy, as if you live together now"
"yeah, she's always wanted to move to New York so when I said I was moving here for Fashion College she took the opportunity to move in with me" Cara grinned.
okay not entirely true.
Lisa had been begging me to move out to the us ever since my book blew up.
but it's the little details.
"what do you do?" Harry asks and I blink, feeling my cheeks heat up.
ask billie harry, i'm sure she can tell you.
oh god they probably think i'm blushing because of harry.
no i'm just embarrassed.
"i'm taking creative writing classes online"
i hope this is believable
oh god i want to die
"I still can't believe my little sister moved out and is living on her own now"
thank you Harry for turning the attention off me.
"if you're here to bully me you can leave" Cara pouted, folding her arms like a child.
"of course i'm here to bully you, that's what bug brothers do isn't that right Billie"
Billie grins "oh fucking hell yeah, Fin and I were messaging ang....someone and he threw me under the bus, confessing a shit ton of embarrassing secrets"
oh I know.
I was there miss billie bieber.
stop it gabby.
"what secrets?" Cara asked
"hell fucking no. i'm not exposing myself like that, no fucking way"
do you want me to expose you? cause i can
"how embarrassing are they? like going into the swimming pool with a pad on embarrassing or-"
I gasp and narrow my eyes over to Cara "fuck you! I was twelve"
Billie and Harry laughed and Cara smirked.
"okay then, two can play at that game. cara had a nose bleed in the middle of her first kiss"
"you did not just go there oh my god"
"oh but I did" I smirked, folding my arms.
"i'm loving this" Billie laughed.
"Gabby's scared of cats"
I gasp "Cara still sleeps with a night light"
"do you still sleep with lamby?" Harry asks and she reaches to smack him on the back of his head.
"i'm done, stop" she pouts like a child.
"but I was enjoying this" Harry pouts dramatically.
"well I wasn't, and I could expose you and let your girlfriend know some secrets you probably haven't shared"
"you wouldn't" he squinted.
"oh I would mr-"
Cara stopped when Harry's phone rang.
"hi- yeah- okay were coming- yeah whatever"
Billie looked at him and he stood up "your makeup artist is here, we gotta go" Billie nodded and stood up and followed Harry to the door.
"ill make some time to see you cara, i'm sorry we couldn't stay longer. and it was so lovely to meet you Gabrielle, i'm sure we'll be able to meet properly next time"
"ditto, you better keep exposing Cara because I've got a few up my sleeve myself" Billie smiled
"yeah it was great meeting you both"
Cara let them out and I stayed sitting down, not wanting to hug them again.
i fucking hate hugs.
"I wish they could've stayed longer" Cara pouted, throwing self beside me on the couch.
"I know, i'm sure you'll see them again soon"
"I wish he wasn't so busy, anyways instead of moping around i've got work to do"
"yeah I need to call Lisa"
"Lisa?"
"oh she's my... teacher"
i was sat on my bed, looking through the answers to the question, my phone pinged making me jump. of course it was billie, she's always messaging me.
don't get attached gabrielle, she's gonna ghost you when she sees what you look like.
billie
angel
that's my name
wassup
im bored
talk to meeee
aren't you supposed to be
doing famous people shit?
i'm getting my hair done
but we haven't spoken
in agesss
i miss you 🥺
you sound like a
clingy puppy lol
also cute
correction
i'm your clingy best friend
ok cringe
wow I just said you
were my best friend
and everything
lmfao you don't even know
I am
I will
will you?
mhm
well I was thinking of
meeting you
but never mind now
are you serious?
i really wanna meet you
please
why 😩
I just do, okay?
not happening
i'm ugly
bro
what's your addy
lemme come and smack
the stupid outta you
3418 Broadway, NY 10031
but also kinky 😏
you're unbelievable
IS THAT A SEX SHOP
HAHAH yes
and yet im your 'best friend'
you are 🥺
cute
CUTE?
THAT'S IT?
yeah
that's it
what do you want me to say?
OH MY GOD BILLIE YOURE MY
BEST FRIEND TOO I LOVE YOU SO
SO MUCH, I WANNA MEET YOU
SO BAD
sorry I would but
I dont lie
😐
anyways
how's your day been?
omg this is like top secret shit
but I went to see Harrison's little
sister today
and her roommate is so pretty
is she?
yeah
she kept blushing lol
and she said I was small
HAHA
I bet you are
go away
ok
no wait
I'm joking
don't leave
ANGEL
wow you are clingy
how does Harrison put up with you
LMFAO like he has a choice
feel sorry for him
okay fuck you
HAHA
when are where?
billie&finneas
just letting you know I'm
looking through some of the responses rn
I'm crying 🥺
also Ive picked five already and written
my own
Billie-
lemme see yours
no
Finneas-
Has Lisa emailed them to me?
I think so
Billie-
what about me?
I thinks she has too
Billie-
okay imma have a look later
gotta go do famous people
shit
BYE
Finneas-
How many responses have we had?
so far we've had over two million responses
especially because a ton of celebrities
have shared the link
and were gonna have to go through them all
Finneas-
No doubt theres gonna be some
we can't use
exactly, and theres gonna be some which
are probably similar
although they're all quite different so far
some aren't even in English
Finneas-
We could always translate them and add them
If they're good I mean
well yeah, theres on in arabic I love
I kinda like it in its original language
so I was thinking of keeping it
and adding the English translation underneath
Finneas-
That's a good idea
How many do you think we need?
well about six hundred
because I was gonna make them
double sided to fit more in
Finneas-
We could aways add small ones together
good idea
I've sent you them via email
have a look though when you have some
free time
I will do!
Yesterday.
It was so far away, it was so long ago.
If the world ended yesterday what's the one thing you regret?
I don't think theres anything I regret.
Looking back, I've made mistakes but so does every other human out there.
Each mistake moulds you as a person, and you aren't who you are without them, they make you stronger. At the time it might feel like the end of the world, especially when it's losing someone you love.
I lost my mum at a young age and part of me regrets not hugging her tighter a little longer the last time, but I know she's here. She's watching over me, leading me down the right path and listening to me whenever I need to talk.
So no, no matter how much things might have hurt, I don't have any regrets.
-angel