After we finished opening the presents, everyone left but Shanice, and I stayed with Derek to talk for longer.
They were kind of shocked I decided to stay more but I didn't care, I texted my mom to inform her, but she is sleeping as It's roughly 4 am.
"'I'll never do anything with a 16 years old girl'" I quote and mock Derek and he rolls his eyes. Is there even any difference now that I am seventeen?
"I'm driving you home," he jokes and I laugh.
After a few moments of searching through his fridge, I find nothing good enough.
"How's Shanice?" I ask, curious if he even knows she is into women, but I won't ask him that.
"Shanice? You two are kind of close now, she used to hate you."
I laugh and he continues, "she is sleeping, I don't know if alone," he jokes and I smile.
"Why did she even hate me?" I ask him and he shrugs.
"She hates everyone she doesn't know, especially girls," he explains and I find it quite ironic since she likes girls but she seems to be extra hard on them. Maybe it's how she deals with her feelings?
"There isn't any food here," I say exhausted and he stands up, while I stare at his ass.
Gosh, how can someone look so good?
He looks in the cabinets and notices what I'm staring at so he just smirks.
He grabs a few bags of chips and some protein bars and I snatch them all from him, taking a step back.
"Hey! I'm hungry too." He raises his tone playfully and I run away from him, careful to not accidentally lose the snacks.
I run to the long hallway and he chases after me, he is faster than me but I'm more ambitious.
I sprint to his bedroom and before I even get to lock it behind me, he is already setting his foot inside.
"I'm not giving you the food!" I say while pushing him outside, trying to close the door.
He tries harder and he finally succeeds while I run to the window.
He stops at the door and I pull the snacks closer to my chest.
"You have nowhere to go," he says while grinning and I laugh.
"I'll jump out of the window." He chuckles, slowly coming closer to me.
"You will probably break a nail," he says and I remember his room is on the first floor.
"Don't!" I warn him as I step backward, closer to the closed window.
He runs to me and before I try to move he is already a few inches away, tickling me.
I start laughing uncontrollably. "S- stop!" I barely manage to speak before I drop all the snacks onto the floor and he keeps ticking me, my neck and waist sides are the most ticklish.
I try to run away but he grabs me again, ticking me even more and I beg him to slow down through laughs but he throws me into the bed, hovering over me and that's when I decide to try to tickle him back.
With no result. He isn't ticklish at all, he just stops to stare at me.
"Really? You thought it was going to work?" he asks with a serious look on his face but his tone seems playful.
He lays down next to me, I'm infinitely glad he stopped tickling me and he laughs.
"Who knew we would be like this when we first met..." he says and I look at him, just a few inches away from my face.
I think back to how we met, my first party and it was his birthday, I didn't like his attitude at all, but I always thought he was hot, deep down.
"You were annoying," I admit and he laughs.
"And you were judgemental," he says and I give him a fake offended look.
"I wasn't, I was just new to that stuff."
"Hmm. Well, I'm just glad you bumped into Shanice. It gave me an excuse to talk to you," he says while locking eyes with me.
Oh. He wanted to talk to me? I thought he is just the kind of guy who talks to everyone for no apparent reason.
"I thought you were interesting and I didn't know you-" He stops, looking away for a second. "I didn't really try with girls, it has been years, I only had a few hookups," he explains and I realize how similar he was to me. But now he isn't like this anymore, while I am.
"Why? You must have had a lot of success," I say, surprised by my compliment and so is he.
"I was put into an orphanage at sixteen years old and then I just kept making bad decisions. I didn't have time for relationships," he explains and I'm pretty much surprised.
How can someone be put into an orphanage at sixteen years old? He was around my age.
Was there truly not anyone willing to take care of him? Friends of his family? Relatives?
"My... parents died," he says and I look at him but he is looking at the ceiling.
It feels like daggers to my chest, I can't even imagine how hurt he was.
I cannot comprehend losing both parents, I was lost without my dad but not having any parental figure...
I don't know how to react as I'm not used to hearing this stuff. I'm just the one who has this stuff happen to.
"I'm so- sorry," I simply mutter and he doesn't look at me, I can tell he is upset.
I hate, absolutely despise, seeing him sad. I want to see him happy. I haven't felt like this in so long.
And I only felt like this about my friends, is Derek a friend too?
"You kept telling me how you are here for me if I need someone to talk to-" I say, taking a break but he keeps looking at the ceiling, patiently waiting for me to finish my phrase. "This applies to you, too. You can tell me anything."
He finally looks at me and his eyes are slightly glossy and my chest tightens to see him this way.
I can just imagine a younger Derek, both of his parents dying and his whole life turning upside down. No one wanted to take care of him and then he also got into a lot of trouble. It just makes sense.
Now I understand why he said 'I see myself in you.' We are quite similar.
I reach for his hand and I take it, placing it on my stomach and I intertwine my fingers with his.
He gives me a sad smile and I just continue looking at him, his slight stub, light pink lips, his deep blue eyes are mesmerizing and his facial features seem perfectly crafted, just for him. Even his side profile is perfect and angelic.
He seems amazing, but I'm so scared of hurting him.
All good things come to an end.
I'm in a constant inner battle, it's whether he hurts me, I hurt him, or... both.
Derek sits up and I mimic him, he smiles and I try to ignore my thoughts, just for a little bit, I want to enjoy his presence because it might not last.
He grabs the remote and goes on Netflix, picking a random cartoon and I smile at his infantile but good choice.
It used to be so easy when I was a child.
"Are you trying to tell me I'm too young for you?" I tease him and he laughs.
"No- actually, kinda but I like watching Ratatouille sometimes," he says and I laugh.
He just never seemed this kind of guy. I'm always pleasantly surprised.
"Dominic reminds me so much of Remy," I joke and he laughs.
"It used to be my favorite movie- when I was 10," I say.
"Are you trying to mock me?" he asks and I playfully shove him, shaking my head.
Derek gets under the blankets and he lifts the blanket for me so I can join. I don't even think twice and I'm already snuggled up against him, with his hand around my shoulders.
I'm kinda sleepy but I just want to spend more time with him, as much as I can.
After half an hour of cuddles, me playing with his hair, and laughing at the movie, I feel my eyes getting more and more tired.
"Ronnie?" I vaguely hear him as my eyes are slowly closing, and his voice seems already far away.
~
I slow down the pace because I hate sprinting when I walk, I just love peaceful walks.
I plug in the headphones while I listen to Disclosure.
What's better than listening to party songs while walking?
I don't party, not at all, I prefer just spending time with my friends in Kaylee's Cafeteria or maybe reading some historical fiction.
It's getting darker, unexpectedly? It was barely afternoon when I went outside. Kinda weird.
I get lost in the music, as I imagine scenarios in my head about Louis. Is it so wrong to fall for your guy best friend?
Nicole seems to think it's okay to fall for that James guy, but Louis is off-limits only because are close friends?
I imagine him kissing me more often than I want to admit, I have only kissed a guy in eighth grade and it was just a dare.
Nicole already had sex with James and I just don't understand why she would do that with a guy she barely knows and he kinda treats her badly.
It's suddenly getting dark and I look around confused, everyone is gone.
Many people were walking their dogs, children running and some people biking but they are all gone and it's almost night outside.
"What's happening?" I mutter confused looking around, I try to look at my phone time but the time keeps changing and I don't understand anything, it's all blurry.
Suddenly, it turns to night and I plug out my headphones and the song turns on at full volume as I'm on the sideways where no one seems to be here.
I try to reach for the buttons to turn down the volume but someone snatches my arm, pulling me violently to the ground.
"Help-" I try to scream out in pain, as a man pushes me against the hard cement but his hands cover my mouth.
I try to bite him and he groans in pain for a bit but soon after he slaps me as hard as he can, bringing me to tears and my ears start ringing.
My vision turns blurry and I can barely see anything other than dark and a figure hovered over me.
He lifts my top and makes his way to my breasts, grabbing them through the thick fabric of the bra and I try to push him away but he is much stronger, much older.
I sob uncontrollably as he continues to touch my breasts and he is about to lower the bra but I try to scream, again.
"Please, stop. I beg you- please!" I cry out, my cheeks flushing red and my head spinning but he keeps going, he reaches for my pants and he rips them off while I try my hardest to keep moving, I try to shove him off me and hitting him while he pins me down.
"A- are you okay? What happened?!" My eyes are slowly opening and I see a worried Derek looking at me, and my whole body is covered in sweat.
"Everything is going to be fine," he mutters as he pulls me into a hug, barely giving me any time to breathe and calm down.
I bring a hand to my cheeks and they are wet, and so are my eyes. It seems that I have been crying and my throat is hurting from all the screaming.
I had a nightmare. It's not unusual. I had them so often for months, consistently thus why I was never sleeping for more than a few hours.
They seemed to stop but I don't deserve happiness, who am I fooling? They will never stop.
I wipe away my tears, trying to dry off my cheeks and I don't even bother to hug Derek back. I'm embarrassed.
He sees me at my worst moments and I'm tired of being the damsel in distress.
I'm just a broken soul.
——
I decided to spam y'all with chapters because... yes.
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