"I need to tell you something."
"What is it?"
The cold afternoon winter air sends a bothering shiver down my throat, practically making my lungs freeze. I have lost all feeling in my bum from the frosty metal bench. I hope my jeans don't accidentally rip off when I'll be attempting to stand up.
That would sure be awkward.
"I really wanted to tell you this for a really long time but I was scared of what your reaction might be."
"It's alright. You can tell me."
This weather is starting to make me wish I bought a hot chocolate at the Starbucks I passed a while ago. Why did I not want to stand in the stores long line? At least that way I would have warmed up but nope, my brain thinks a little differently. Knowing I'm very impatient when it comes to line ups, my brain automatically commanded my body to continue to walk away from the warm Starbucks and its addicting beverages.
Thank you brain, thank you.
"I'm not actually a woman."
Whoa!
Excuse me?
Did I overhear that correctly?
I stare at the couple sitting on the same freezing bench as me. The same couple that decided to sit on this particular bench out of all the other thousands of benches in central park, completely ignoring the high school girl with her big framed glasses and short hair covered all up by her toque who was on the brink of having a major breakdown. Instead of giving the girl some space, they decided to get all lovey-dovey right beside me.
I tried to tune them out as best as I could but that turned out to be a great failure.
I mean how in the whole entire universe can the woman sitting beside me be a man?! Her (or his) boyfriend seems to share the same reaction as me because I don't think he has blinked this past minute and I don’t blame him!
His girlfriend/boyfriend looks one hundred percent female. Even from the moment they intervened on my bench with my eyes clouded in tears, I could tell the woman was beautiful. Her long flawless hair extended almost all the way to her hip in loose curls of her petite body. She has the classic big blue eyes, emphasized by light eye shadow and black eyeliner. Her cheeks are slightly flushed and her lips are a deep red.
How can she be a man?!
This man must be extremely talented in the art of cross dressing because he sure fooled his boyfriend who is still currently trying to process all of this.
"Eh?" The poor guy can barely utter a single sound, let alone a word.
His girlfriend/boyfriend starts to whimper. "I knew it. You hate me now."
The sad words seemed to snap the shocked man out of his trance because he immediately began to soothe his girlfriend/boyfriend. "Shh, baby don't cry. I'm still in love with you, regardless of your sex."
"Really?"
"Really, love."
And then I was plunged into the realm of awkwardness while the couple beside me began to make out in happiness. Lion King 2's song 'Upendi' would have been great right about now. I'm glad that they managed to solve this predicament so fast but still, should I relocate to another bench so I can deal with my own dilemma?
I didn't even realize that I was a leaning as far away from the couple as physically possible until my numb bum slid off the bench and to the even colder, snow cover ground.
Not to mention I made a huge 'whack' when my bum collided with the ground. I sure hope that doesn't leave a bruise but wow, does it ever hurt. No one better have saw that.
"Are you alright?" Asks the woman, I mean man, who stopped kissing her/his boyfriend. I guess they must have heard my little struggle there.
The embarrassment that these two people know I fell causes my cheeks to heat up slightly. In this cold temperature, they can't burn the bright red they usually turn into but this light pink blush is enough to warm my face up. I get up as quickly as possible to avoid any more people noticing.
"Yeah, totally. I thought the bench was longer," I say while brushing off sum snow off my bum and legs.
The couple's mouth fly open as wide as their eyes, finally realizing that they were actually sharing this bench. Now it's the girlfriend/boyfriend who's cheeks are heating up, knowing that I overheard the whole 'my talent is cross dressing' convo.
At that point, I knew it was my time to leave. These two have finally come to terms with loving each other for who they are. Even though it was my bench first, I'll be the honorable, respectful one and give them the privacy they deserve.
So I embark on my quest to find another unoccupied bench, leaving the couple alone in their own universe.
I walk down the wide path near the south end of Central Park, slowly making my way north while carefully examining every bench.
The next one after the bench I left has yet another couple it. The only difference is that the girl is laying on top of the guy, snuggling into him. I'm going to take a wild guess that they are trying to keep each other warm and not do anything daring out in public.
At least, that's what I'm hoping they're doing.
Hmm...I'm doing a lot of hoping today; more than the usual.
I glance to the opposite side of the path, spotting two kids, siblings in fact, patiently waiting on the bench while their mother cares for her infant in the stroller. The boy, most likely the oldest one judging by his size, has his head turned away from his sister. He's completely oblivious to the little girl who is cautiously wiping a booger on the back of her brother's winter jacket.
She is so perfectly careful that the boy doesn't notice her placing the icky booger right in the center of the boy's back.
One thing's for sure: this young girl will grow up to be a phenomenal prankster.
Time to check out the next bench over. I walk north on the path, sliding a bit on the ice underneath the fluffy snow. Looks like I'll have to continue my search because this next bench has been claimed by an elderly woman. The old lady is bundled up for extreme Siberian conditions instead of our New York winter. I can barely see her face with that huge, thick scarf she has wrapped around her. The only thing clearly noticeable are her hands which are exposed to the bitter cold.
Why on earth would the lady not be wearing her gloves?
Because she's throwing bits of bread into the snow around her, even on the bench itself.
I take a pause, wondering if I should inform the elderly lady if she is aware that the birds have migrated to the warmer south (at least that's where I think they went).
...nah! Best way to learn is through experience and not from the words of a teenage girl.
Correction: a pathetic teenage girl because she can't do something as simple as finding a single empty bench.
It felt like I've been walking for ten whole minutes until I finally found an unoccupied bench at the other end of the park from where I originally started.
The completely opposite side!
Who would have known that lots of people like to sit outside during the winter and stare at the leafless trees? Guess I learned a valuable life lesson today:
Always mark your territory because just when I was a few steps away from placing my bum on the freezing, metal surface of the bench, a man in his yearly forties sat down first along with his two dogs.
Not being a dog expert, I have no idea what type of dogs they are but their adorable puffiness makes me want to forgive them for taking my bench.
Their owner, on the other hand, will not be forgiven.
Now where am I supposed to sit?
Right in the middle of this path? In a tree? I've never been the greatest of tree climbers so that's out of the question.
I sigh but I also hear someone sigh in disappointment as well. I look behind me to see the same elderly women attempting to feed some imaginary birds, get up from her bench and walk away. She must have come to the conclusion that all the birds vanished because I could clearly see her a bit of her face, that wasn't wrapped in her scarf, molded with concern.
But that's irrelevant . The elderly woman passed me while my eyes were entirely trained on what's most important.
The free bench.
This time, instead of calmly walking and getting a bench taken away from me by some douche and his adorable doggies, I bolt straight at the unoccupied bench as fast as my tired, freezing legs can go. To anyone else witnessing my spectacular run (if I do say so myself) it must look like I'm doing a pathetic impression of the striking Tom Cruise run.
Turns out that no matter how crazy Cruise's running looks like, it sure gets the job done because my butt makes contact right in the middle of the free bench just before a couple could seize it. The couple, that look to be somewhere in their twenties, frown at me. They probably realized the same thing I just did just a minute ago.
You gotta run faster than the wind if you wanna get the bench.
After finally finding another place to sit, I can relax! The couple go on the way, probably on another expedition to find an unoccupied bench, leaving me to myself.
There's no other couple sharing the bench with me.
There aren't any whining kids running around anywhere near me.
It looks like it's been snowing breadcrumbs around me but that's all good. This way, any sane being won't approach me.
I can finally contemplate on my current path of life and how the events that have occurred recently will shape me into the women I am meant to become.
Although, the tears that are already looming in my eyes says otherwise.
How about I have a crying fest first and then I'll think about the meaning of life?
Tears, not just one but the whole fleet, pour down my cheeks.
I guess I'll cry first.
I bend my head down to limit the chances of being noticed. I don’t have the advantage to hide behind my hair because of their short length. I could pull my hat over my face but that would surely grab people's attention.
Why did I have to get shot?
Why did I yell out my feelings to Reece?
Why did I nearly get shot a second time?
And why is my shooter playing substitute for my bio class?
Too many whys for me to handle. I can't even handle my situation with Reece properly, let alone the shootings. How am I supposed to handle the, more life threatening, Mr. Caraveo problem?
The answer: I can't.
I begin to hiccup while I continue to cry an ocean. I'm tired, stressed, and my shoulder still aches. What happened to me this past month should be found in action movies not in my life. I'm nothing like the Super Trio.
I can't hold my ground against Mr. Caraveo.
What am I supposed to do?
"Um, you know it's weird to cry in the park, right? That's what our couches and ice cream is for."
My body goes rigid at the sudden statement. My tear ducts go on hold and I can feel my cheeks heating up.
I really want to become one with the bench right now.
But I don't have any super powers that could make that possible so instead, I look up and, through my blurred vision, try to stare at the person standing in front of me. The first thing I notice off the bat is the bright red jacket. The colour helps me focus my vision until my tears clear out, allowing me to see her perfectly.
"You," I state out.
"Me," she answers slowly, examining my disaster look. My cheeks are soaked from my tears and I'm 89.73% sure my nose is running.
It's not a pretty sight but knowing that she's seeing me in this state makes matters worse. "Why are you here?"
"I always take this path," she tells me and plops her sports bag on the bench. She then takes a seat beside me. She reaches into one of the side pockets of her bag and pulls out a tissue. At first the tissue confused me until she handed it to me. "Why are you crying? Are you still upset about me losing your arcade challenge?"
"Thanks," I murmur and with the tissue in my hands, I blow my nose then put the used tissue in my pocket. I use my gloves to dry off my cheeks from the tears so that I look somewhat normal. I'm not like those stunning actresses on television. When I cry, it's ugly. "And no, even though you lost my bet with Charlie, I'm not bummed about that...anymore." I quickly add so that she's aware that I was, at some point, ticked off about the loss. I mean, she could have beaten Charlie so bad at that arcade game if it weren't for her stupid phone.
"Ah, so that's the hottie's name," the girl says, more so to herself then me.
I raise an eyebrow at her, "so you only agreed to help me out because of his good looks?" I ask then give her a scrutinizing gaze, "how old are you?"
"Old enough to know if a guy's hot or not," she comments back but laughs when I make an unimpressed face. "I'm fourteen, what about you?"
"Seventeen," I say and give her a smile, "I'm Zada, by the way."
"Avery," she tells me. Avery hold up her hand and I'm about to shake it when I realize that her hand is in the shape of a fist.
Okay...
So I give her a fist pump though it definitely is a very unsure fist pump because I have no idea what's going on. Avery noticed my confusion because she starts to laugh. "Sorry. I find hand shakes so overrated. Fist pumps are where it's at."
"Where's what at?" I ask. At that point, I think Avery realized that I'm not much of what people would call a cool kid because the sporty girl scrunched up her nose while looking at me like I'm some sore of failed science experiment. As long as she doesn't start speaking in text language, I'll be good.
I haven't master the language of fml and lol. I'm just at the beginner level!
"Never mind," Avery drawls out.
We fall into a moment of unwanted silence; neither of us not knowing what to say. I look around the park, making sure not to look in Avery's direction, while my mind scans through hundreds of conversation starters.
I could always start with the basic 101 convo starter and talk about the weather. I've gotten to know many strangers on the subway with that topic before and it has never failed me. Actually, the weather topic did fail me once when I tried to talk to this girl my age on the train. She was listening to music the entire time I stated the seven day forecast that I read off of the Weather Network.
Maybe I should think off a different topic.
Hmm...I could start asking Avery about her life. She must be in ninth grade or maybe even in tenth but regardless, starting a conversation about how much school sucks always gets people talking. The best time was when I brought up that topic to a diehard nerd. We ended up having an emotion debate for half an hour until Bailey finally had enough and dragged me away from the guy.
Dissing school maybe isn't the best approach to talk with Avery. I don't want her to drop out because of me because I wouldn't want to deal with her infuriated parents.
Okay, so school and the weather are out of the question.
That's it! Questions are the solution! I can ask her if she wants to play twenty questions with me. That way we won't be sitting on the bench in our own solitude and we'll learn something about each other.
Then again, that makes it sound as if we're on a date so that's gonna have to be a no with a capital 'n'.
I glance down to my lap and notice an orange and black pattern in the corner of my eye. That's when I notice the object that will save me from this silence. "What's with the bag?"
Avery, eager of getting away from the silence as me, smiles at her sport's bag. "That's for my workout clothes."
"You're gonna work out? In this weather?" Oops, I brought up the weather. Not good.
"I'll be inside. I have dryland right now while my team waits for spring." Avery explains.
"Team? What sport do you play?" I question. She's not that tall yet due to her age but that's what makes it so hard to guess her sport. In high school, it starts to get easier to decipher who are the basketball players versus the volleyball athletes. It's the easiest of the easy to pick out the football players in the crowd but with Avery, I have no clue.
"Soccer," Avery answers and out of no where, I get a boost of energy.
"You play soccer!?" I all but scream because I can't contain my excitement. I'm practically bouncing up and down on the spot.
My ridiculously good mood rubs off on Avery as she perks up and squeals, "OMG! You play too!?"
At least my beginner text language skills allows me to know what OMG stands for. "I wish," I say and Avery's mood drops, "but soccer is my favourite sport."
"You saying that makes you awesome in my books," Avery says, completely thrilled. "It's the best sport on earth!"
"Without a doubt," I add in. The two of us are grinning at each other like idiots. At least we figured out that we have something in common.
I even got distracted from all my emotional feelings. I'm no longer crying and I have a huge grin on my face. Even though Avery lost my bet with Charlie, I'm happy that we managed to meet again.
"So," Avery says to keep the conversation going, "who's the guy that made you cry?"
"Excuse me?" I ask, surprised my her straightforwardness. She sure gets straight to the point. I'm starting to think that she came over here to bug me not out of concern but because she wants in on the latest gossip.
Avery huffs and positions her elbow on the top of the bench's back so she can rest her head on her hand. "Oh come on! Why else would you be at the park alone acting as if your in some sort of soap opera?!"
She does have a point there.
"Unless this is all over a girl."
"No," I chuckle, "you're first theory was correct."
"It wasn't a theory. It was a fact." Avery grins but she becomes serious the next second. "But seriously, what did they guy do?"
"He didn't do anything," I tell her. Well, besides being too handsome for his own good and always away on missions, Reece is the best. I'll keep that thought private though.
"Then why are you crying?"
"Um," that's a good question and I know the answer to it. It's just that I don't think Avery would be prepared to know about Mr. Caraveo. "I'm scared," is what I decided to tell her.
"About what?" Avery asks
"Everything," I say.
Avery huffs out a long breath, creating a cloud in front of her before it disappears with the cold air. "care to elaborate?"
"Honestly, I don't know how to explain it all." If I did, I would have had the backbone to face Reece and tell him not only about my feelings but about my shooter.
If only I had a backbone.
"You don't have to give me the details. Just don't give me such broad responses." Avery says softly. "Everyone's life isn't perfect. We all have shit we got to deal with but it's easier to deal with your problems if you talk to someone about it."
"What are you? My therapist?" I blurt out sarcastically and instantly regret it. "Sorry, I didn't mean to sound so..."
"Bitchy?" Avery laughs, "don't worry about it. Clearly whatever you're dealing with is causing you stress."
"It's not just one problem I'm dealing with," I mumble out, exhausted.
"Then take things slow. Deal with your issues one problem at a time." Avery should really think about a therapeutic profession if her soccer career doesn't work out. I feel like I'm in a therapy session when I talk to her. "Which problem do you want to deal with first?"
"Reece," I accidentally speak out without thinking it through.
Avery nods her head, "so that's the guy."
"Yah, he's the one." Do I want to deal with him first or do I want to continue on avoiding him?
The answer: yes, I want to fix this unwanted kink between us even if it means just being friends with him. I miss hanging out and laughing with Reece. I miss being able to enjoy bio class with him. One thing's for sure, regardless of my feelings for Reece, I need him by my side if I want to deal with Mr. Caraveo.
I need to have the talk with Reece. I got to face his rejection.
Knowing what I have to do, I'm up on my two feet. I feel like the terrible weight has been stripped away from my shoulders. I'm no longer confused with what I have to do and it seems easier for me to stand.
"Thanks," I tell Avery. If it weren't for our conversation just now, it would have taken me longer to realize that I can't avoid Reece forever.
I need him even if it's just as a friend.
"Your welcome," Avery also gets up and swings her bag over her shoulder. "If you ever need advice for anything, come by the Kennan Wellness center down on 8th Ave. Maybe I'll even teach you some cool soccer tricks."
I nod my head, "definitely. I'll see you around, Avery!"
"Good luck, Zada!" And we part our separate ways. Avery heads south while I go north to the subway station that will take me home.
I'll drop off my bag at home, catch a bite to eat, and go to Reece's place. Hopefully he's home and if not, I'll confront him tomorrow.
I can do it!
That's what I've been telling myself the entire way home. I kept repeating the words over and over in my head to the point that I started to believe them.
Yes, I can do it! I will go to Reece and I will discuss with him where we stand. I won't run away anymore. It's time I stop being a coward and act more like my heroic Reece.
Thanks to Avery, I'm not in a horrible mood anymore. Instead of being close to tears, I had a huge smile on my face the entire way home. I looked a bit weird smiling like that but I could care less. I wasn't hung up on still processing that Mr. Caraveo is the one who shot me in my left shoulder.
I know that I'll have to face him but for now Reece is my focus.
And it appears like the universe agrees with me because when I reached the lobby of my apartment building, Reece was already there.
As always, he looks stunning and soon, Reece's brown eyes found mine but he didn't move from the lobby chair. Honestly, he looks like the ruler of the planet sitting in that classy chair. I can't help myself but approach him. My feet are moving on their own.
Once I finally reach Reece, he doesn't give me one of his amazing smiles. Instead, he never looks away from my eyes while he stares at me in all seriousness and says:
"We need to talk."
Finally! It's coming! Reece and Zada are gonna discuss them! I'm so excited for the next chapter and I hope all you wonderful readers are as well.
The only major issue is (and please don't be that mad at me), that my next update will have to be in May. The end of my second term in University is coming fast. I still have midterms and papers to complete and I still got to update my other story later in the month.
I want the next chapter to be as perfect as it can get and I want to put all the time for it without the unwanted stress.
SO next update will be May 10th, 2015
And this chapter is dedicated @NouraHarisEdolyKandy. Thanks so much for being one of the first to read this story and for your awesome comments. You're the best! XD
On another note, know you guys know how to do the Tom Cruise run ;P
~Till Next Time!