Guys.... this is it. This is the final chapter. There will be no more chapter updates for this book.
I'll update you with more information soon, but for now... enjoy ❤️
I love you all so much ❤️
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Ivy
I eye the man before me, pursing my lips to prevent myself from smiling. He looks so calm. There's not a single wrinkle on his forehead, and his eyes are completely worry-free. He's looking at me too, but he's not afraid to hide his smile, amused at my own attempt to do so.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
"Just admiring you," I respond, smirking confidently.
"Admiring?"
"Is that not allowed?"
"Of course it is," he says. "I just didn't expect that answer."
"What did you expect?"
"I don't know," he shrugs. "For you to apologise, like you always do."
"Not this time," I shake my head. "I like looking at you."
"Yeah? I hope you're enjoying the view."
"Of course I am."
"That's good. It would suck if you didn't, you know... considering I'm your boyfriend," he teases, referring back to our altercation with the police.
"Hey, I never said that!" I defend. "I told him we were dating, and he just assumed."
"Sure," he speaks sarcastically. "Keep telling yourself that."
"I'm serious!"
"Just admit it," he taunts. "You want to be with me."
"Stop," I chuckle. "You already know I do."
"So, remind me again... why aren't we?"
"You know why," I give him a pointed look. We had this conversation last week. We were sitting right here, in this same booth on the upper level of the record store. It's our booth—the one we've always sat at, tucked in the corner of the building under a large window. Last time we were here, Isaac was covered in bruises and bandages. He isn't now, but the circumstances are still the same.
Both times, we were separated.
Isaacs's face drops, all humour suddenly gone. He must be having the same thoughts I am.
Last time, he promised he wouldn't disappear on me again—that he wouldn't just take off and leave me in doubt. But that's exactly what happened.
He shuffles closer to me. We're sitting on the same side of the booth this time, so the table can't keep us apart. I don't need that barrier anymore.
"I'm so sorry, Ivy," he looks me in the eyes, reaching out to take my hand. "I didn't mean to leave you like that. I kept wanting to call you, but my phone died, and I didn't have a charger."
"What was it like?" I ask him. "To see your dad, I mean."
He already told me where he went, and I understand why he went there. It couldn't have been easy for him, for his own sister to compare him to the man he hates most in this world.
That comment made everything worse. The conversation still could've been turned around. It could've become civil again, and the two could talk things out. But she hit him right where it hurt. He got so mad after that, and I don't blame him. He wasn't exactly being nice, but what she said was just cruel.
"It was okay," he shrugs. "I don't know why I went. I don't know if I was looking for answers or if I just wanted to make things worse for myself."
"And did you?"
"Nah, I don't know what I expecting. He's still the same person he always was. He didn't show any remorse. He was just– It was like I was a kid again, with him yelling at me and me just trying to make it stop."
"I'm sorry, Isaac," I place my hand on his knee. "It couldn't have been easy for you."
I'm surprised he went in the first place, but I guess it's just what he felt he needed to do.
"I guess I was just trying to prove my sister wrong," he tells me.
"You don't have to prove it, Isaac," I tell him. "You're nothing like your father."
"I don't know," he looks away. "I always thought my sister knew me better than anyone else, but I guess I was wrong."
"She was just mad. She probably regrets it now.
"Yeah, we are a bunch of hot-heads in my family," he chuckles. "But I'm glad I went. I was pissed at first, and I guess kind of disappointed, but I think it was the right thing to do. I don't need to think about him anymore now, you know? I don't need to wonder if he's changed, or if he has some kind of justification for what he did because he doesn't. He's just a cruel person."
"And your mother?"
"With her, I just need time. I know I can't blame her completely, but there are still so many things she did do, and I just... I don't think I can trust her again."
"That's okay," I assure him. "You need to do things at your own pace, not your sisters."
"At least I can close that chapter with my dad now. I don't need to hold out hope or waste any time wondering how things could have been. I mean, I didn't even know I had those thoughts, but I'm glad I don't anymore."
"Good," I smile sweetly. "I'm proud of you for doing that."
"You're not mad at me, are you?" he asks. "I wouldn't blame you if you were. I did promise it wouldn't happen again."
"I'm not mad," I shake my head. I can't be mad at that. "I was worried about you, and I wish you could've called, but I also understand that you need to take care of yourself."
"I'm working on it, though—this impulsivity shit and my anger. You already have so much to worry about, I don't need to be making it worse for you."
"You don't," I tell him. "It's just part of being with someone. I take on your worries, just like you've taken on mine."
He lets out a deep sigh, shifting his gaze down to the floor, and then back up at me. I wish I knew what he was thinking. His eyes always look so busy. His head must be heavy, I can feel it from here.
"Tomorrow, I'm going to student services," he says. "I haven't made an appointment yet, but I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to be better and do better. I want to be the guy you need me to be, and the guy I need me to be."
"Isaac..." I can't help but smile. "I'm really glad to hear that."
"Could you come with me?"
"Of course," I nod. "I'm really proud of you. I know we've talked about this before, but I genuinely think this could help."
"You shouldn't be proud. I should've done this years ago."
"Not if you weren't ready."
"Were you?" his eyes flicker between mine. "Were you ready when you went to therapy?"
"I didn't have a choice," I wouldn't have survived otherwise. "But I think I'm ready to go back now."
"Really?"
"It's time," I nod. "I spoke to my mum about it, and I think I should take a year off before I go to law school. I can move back to New York and focus on getting better—for real this time."
"That could be really good for you."
"I think so, too."
"When will you leave?"
"Probably right after graduation," I tell him. "Do you have any plans for next year?"
"I haven't thought about it. I'll probably just work at the store until I can get a job at a record label or something."
"There are lots of record labels in New York," I give him a teasing smile.
"Wow, Ivy. Are you asking me to move in with you?" he jokes.
"No, oh my god, no," I laugh. "But New York is more than an hour away, and I don't want to stop seeing you."
"An hour isn't that far. It's, what... less than 60 miles? We can make that work."
"Do you think so?"
"I would drive all day if it meant I got to see you."
"Isaac," my smile grows. "You don't have to do that."
"We'll make it work, Ivy, I promise," he assures me. "I'd just be glad to have you in my life."
"That wouldn't be enough for me," I admit.
"Me neither," he says.
"But, uhm... you should know," I swallow the lump in my throat. "Whatever happens between us, it's not going to be easy."
"I know that."
"But I don't just mean emotionally. I also mean, like... physically. I know we're taking things slow, but I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready to have sex."
"Sex?" he furrows his brows. "I've barely even thought about that."
"But you have thought about it."
"Well, yeah, but that doesn't mean–," he cuts himself off, taking a moment to rephrase his sentence. "Sex really isn't important to me, Ivy. Of course, I would love to have sex with you, but not if you're not ready or it makes things worse for you."
"Are you sure? Because it's a huge part of most relationships, and I wouldn't blame you if–."
"It doesn't matter to me, Ives," he insists. "Whenever you think you're ready—even if it's five years from now—we can take it slow, see what works and what doesn't, what you're okay with, and what your boundaries are. I just want you to be comfortable with it."
I can't help but smile. Is he really thinking five years into the future?
"I like that idea," I nod. "We can work towards it."
"I don't want you to do something you're not ready for, and I definitely don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you."
"You don't make me feel pressured," I assure him. I just put pressure on myself. I don't want to lose him.
"I just... I love being with you," he says.
"You do?" my smile grows.
"Yes. Absolute."
"Well, I love being with you, too. Everything is just... good with you."
"There is no darkness when you're around," he tells me. "I know it sounds lame, but the sun always shines when you're here. And the sun determines everything, you know? You don't just brighten my day; you make me feel warm—like you've evaporated all the things I couldn't handle."
"Isaac..."
"I feel better. You make me better. I feel motivated and strong—like I can grow and become the person I want to be," he looks at me intently. "You are the sun, Ivy, and you're turning me into a meadow."
"The seeds were always there. You just couldn't see them."
"No, Ives. I was just a patch of dirt when we met."
"That's not true," I shake my head. "Before you... I was a mess. I wasn't sleeping. I could barely leave the house and I didn't want to. But I'm stronger now. I don't have to worry as much as I used to. I'm happy. I can smile and laugh, and I can feel safe. You're the one who gave me that. So even if I see the darkness, I know I can face it."
"Ivy," he sighs.
"You make me better too, Isaac. You make me want to do better. You make me want to live my life again, and I like feeling that way," I tell him. "I look up to you, Isaac. You're passionate, considerate, and you fight for what's right. You stand up for yourself. And I inspire to be like that, too."
"That's..." he chuckles sarcastically. "That's ridiculous, Ivy."
"No, it isn't," I insist. "We complement each other, Isaac. We work well together, and I think I–."
I cut myself off, stopping myself from blurting out something I'd regret. It's too soon to say that. I need to be sure about it, and I'm not yet. I won't be for a long time. I can't be if I'm constantly doubting myself, expecting the absolute worst outcome in every situation.
"What is it?" Isaac encourages.
"I'm just–," I hesitate. "I'm just really glad to have you in my life and I'm looking forward to spending more time with you."
"You're so sweet," he smiles. "I'm so proud of you for standing up for yourself. It's really impressive to see you cope so well."
"I could say the same to you. You're actively working on improving your life, and I really admire that."
"Ivy..." he smiles.
"We're going to be alright, Isaac. You know that right?"
"Yeah," he nods. "I know."
"No, I mean you and me," I clarify, shifting closer to him. "I want to be with you, Isaac. It might take me a little while, but I do. I really do."
"And when you're ready, I'll be right here," he leans forward, slowly inching towards me. Is he going to kiss me? It feels like he is, and to be honest, I think I'm okay with that.
"Yeah?" I whisper. His breath tickles my skin, and before I know it, his lips are gently brushing mine.
"I'm not going anywhere."