S W E E T S U F F O C A T I O N
Isabelle
I cannot believe what has just happened. The last twenty-four hours have been a whirlwind, an emotional rollercoaster. It all feels so surreal and confusing.
I knock for the second time on the door to Violet and Eva's apartment, hoping that they're in. Eventually, I hear shuffling of feet and Violet's loud voice questioning Eva if she ordered anything.
"Oh." Her voice is muffled through the door as she looks through the peep hole. The door is thrown open and I receive a welcoming grin from Violet. Eva is close behind her, coming to check out who was at the door.
"He kissed me!" I start off.
The both of them squeal with excitement, clinging onto me and hauling me inside their apartment to jump around. I can't help but laugh along with them. The noise fades out and I brush my hair off the front of my face, realizing what this means.
"Oh my god. I let him kiss me." I complain, crushing my face up in the palms of my hands. "Ugh."
We all sit around the island in their small cozy kitchen. It's cluttered with little random decorations and succulent plants. Eva makes us all a cup of coffee and I launch into the story of what happened earlier on.
"...And then he said he has these feelings but because he's never experienced them before he doesn't know how to handle it." I explain, recalling his lines over in my head. "And then he kissed me."
"Is he a good kisser?" Eva asks, sipping from her coffee.
"Yes." The answer is aggravating. "He is. But it wasn't a long kiss. A few seconds at most."
"Tongue?" Violet pushes.
"A little." They both grin widely at me, seeming to be more excited to hear the story than I am to tell it. "But this isn't good. We just fought and now he's kissed me? That kind of gets him off of the hook because I feel good about it. Things are even more complicated than they were before."
"They don't have to be. I mean, it would help if he wasn't just a stupid boy, scared about his feelings." Violet jokes. She's not wrong.
"Yeah. You can say that again?" We all trail off, leaving us in a long silence that's only interrupted by Violet slurping on her coffee.
"Wait, so tell me about the kiss again." Eva says, making me laugh.
**
I lay on my front on the couch, underneath the covers they've given me. Eva kindly set up a bed for me again so I can comfortably stay the night. I really am lucky to have friends like them. The room is lit with a glowing purple light that sets a soft, cozy haze over the room. They had candles on, the sweet aroma still lingering throughout the apartment.
Eva and Violet went to bed about an hour ago, their distant laughter making me smile every time I hear it. Eventually, it all went quiet so I was left alone with my thoughts. I keep thinking everything through in my head, trying to make sense of it all.
My thumb hovers over the call button, debating whether or not to call him. I bring my phone up to my ear, listening to it ring, waiting for an answer.
"Hi." I speak softly when I hear a crackle.
"Hey, is everything okay? How are you?" He asks, immediately.
"Yeah, good. You?" It feels awkward already. Are we actually going to do all this small talk when we kissed just a few hours ago?
"Yeah." There's a long pause.
"I want to apologize for shouting at you... earlier."
"It's fine, I deserved it. And I'm sorry too, I didn't make things any easier." He replies.
"I think you were right when you said we were as bad as each other." He chuckles and it's followed by another silence. I roll over onto my back, looking up at the ceiling.
"Are you alone?" He questions.
"Yeah. I am, why wouldn't I be?"
"I don't know." His voice sounds shy, like he's totally unsure of what he's saying. "Is, why don't you just come home? We can talk, actually talk."
"It's pretty late Thomas." I draw back my phone, looking at the time. It's almost one in the morning. I shuffle back around onto my front.
"Then why did you call?" I ponder on the answer. I wanted to hear him. I craved his voice. I can't find it within me to tell him that so the line stays silent. "I know I fucked up at the party and I am sorry-."
"We can talk about it tomorrow." I cut him off. "I'm too tired now, I want to be able to say everything I want to say." He goes quiet and I hear him sigh.
"Have I messed everything up?" Is he talking about the kiss? I can't tell. I'm assuming he is.
Even though the kiss was nice, and extremely overdue, it was bad timing. In the middle of an argument? Fueled by heightened emotions? It's not the way I'd have chosen to have it, but I am glad it happened.
"No?" I answer, shyly, looking down.
"So you didn't mind that I kissed you?" I can just tell he's smirking right now. I scratch and pick at the pillow given to me, trying not to smile myself.
"I mean, it wasn't the best timing but... no."
"So if I ever wanted to do it again..." He trails off. I hate how nervous he makes me feel. The butterflies have taken flight around my body.
"I probably, most likely... wouldn't complain." I chew on the inside of my mouth, sighing.
"Okay that's good to know." I shake my head at him, not that he knows it. I clear my tightened throat.
"We should talk about that as well though, right?"
"Yeah, sure." He lets out a yawn.
"I should let you go, you're tired."
"It's fine." He brushes me off.
"No. It's alright. I need to go to sleep myself. So, goodnight." I take the phone away from my ear but I hear his voice.
"Is?" He catches me before I hang up. I wait for what he has to say. "For what it's worth, I don't want you to move out. I don't want you to look for anywhere else to stay." My lips curl up into a smile.
"I want you here."
"Okay. Goodnight Thomas." I whisper.
"Night."
I smile. Hearing him say that was worth everything.
**
I leave Eva and Violet's place around mid-day, hoping to see Thomas back at the apartment but he isn't there when I arrive. I kill my time by baking a batch of cookies and cleaning up all the mess he's left lying around in the two days I've not been here.
I can't think about anything else but of what it is that I want from Thomas. I don't even know myself. It's all so soon after Nate. I'm not ready to commit to anything but at this point, I like Thomas too much for us to be nothing or for me to just be another one of his flings.
He's admitted himself that his feelings are more than what they've ever been for anybody. But both of us are clueless, which isn't at all helpful.
In the kitchen, I'm washing up what I've used to ice the cookies when the front door shuts. I freeze, listening out the familiar noise of Thomas kicking his shoes off and removing his jacket. My palms get slick with nerves and my throat clogs up. His footsteps grow closer so I turn at the same time he pokes his head past the arch.
"Hi." I say. He gives me a welcoming grin which I reciprocate with my own shy smile. I don't know how to act around him anymore. I chew on the inside of my mouth, letting out a sigh.
"I need to take a quick shower and then I'm all yours." He says and I nod. "Unless you want me in the shower first." I shake my head at him, laughing. I've got to give him some credit, he does diffuse the tension very well. "I won't be long." He gives me a quick wink before tearing off.
I sit myself down on the couch, preparing my speech of what I want to say. The more I think about it, it's less of what I want to say and more of what is right.
He promised a quick shower and that's what I got. Within five minutes, he strides into the living room, just in a pair of black sweatpants. His hair is still wet, leaving a few water droplets along his shoulders. He flops down on the couch, across from me.
"So. Time to talk?" He tilts his head sideways at me.
"I'm just going to say everything I need to say and then we can go from there." He nods, encouraging me to go on. "I like you." His dreamy green eyes light up. "I think we're past the point of pretending that some kind of feelings aren't involved right?"
"Yeah, I'd say so." He agrees with a certain, happy nod.
"But-." His face drops. "It's so soon after Nate, I don't think I'm mentally ready for something else right now." As much as it hurts to say it, it's true.
A relationship wouldn't be ideal for me, not after everything I've been through. I'm still healing and it wouldn't be fair on either of us.
"I have to protect myself but I also want to gradually let you in more. It's something that I do want in the future but it's just going to take a little longer than usual."
"Right. I can understand that." He nods, putting his hand on my bent knee.
"Okay. Great." I feel relieved that the fact that he doesn't look angry or upset, he seems like he genuinely gets it. "So, friends?"
"Wait, I'm being fully friend-zoned?" He questions, putting his hand on his chest as if he can't believe it.
"Yeah. For the time being..." He lets out a groan of complaint, dropping his head back on to the couch. "Which just means..." He cocks his eyebrow up, prompting me to finish.
"Means what?" He narrows his eyes.
"Which means no kissing me out of nowhere, no kissing me at all really and no sex or anything like that. Yet."
"Yet? I like yet." He grins cheekily. I try my hardest not to smile. A thought dawns on me and I sigh, resting my arm on the couch, my head in my hand.
"The idea of being intimate right now, is kind of daunting. With anyone, even though I'm not interested in anyone else. And not because of you, it's not daunting because of you, I mean you can be a little intimidating at times but its-." I start to panic, the words pouring out of me.
"Hey, slow down." He calms me which forces me to take a breath. "Is, I would never hurt you."
"And that's what he said." I gesture my hands through the air. "He told me he loved me and that he would never hurt me. And then he would beat me and have sex with my body." I stop myself before I get too upset. I take a long, deep breath while his kind eyes lock onto mine.
"I know you're not Nate. You're nothing like him. I know that." He slowly rubs his thumb along my knee. "But it's scary for me and it's not that I don't trust you, I just find it hard fully trusting anybody."
"So you want time?" He questions and I nod. "Then it's a good thing I've got plenty of it. As much as you need." He offers his pinky finger and I wrap mine around his. "Come here, you."
He cradles his arms around me and I fall into the warmth of his bare chest.
**
Thomas
"I'm down." I chuck my controller in my lap, staring at the screen where my character has been killed. Wesley is sat beside me, furiously tapping the trigger button, fighting his way through the zombies that have just killed me.
Leaning forwards, I take my beer off of the coffee table and take a long sip. I can only just make out the muffled voices in the kitchen, belonging to Isabelle and Paige. This is the first time I've met Paige and she's made a good first impression. Her and Wesley seem like they're a good match.
It was more of Isabelle's idea to invite them over which has made me wonder if she's now worried about it just being us alone together in this apartment. I've got to admit, now that we've finally kissed it's been very difficult for me to not think about anything else when I'm around her.
"I don't think I'm going to be able to get to you in time." Wesley says.
"Don't worry man." I lean back in the couch, giving up on the game. He lets out a yell as his character also gets killed. "I need a break before we play again." I take another sip from my beer
"Yeah. Same here." He falls back, shuffling himself until he's comfortable.
"So how's things with you and Paige?" I keep my voice low in case the girls can hear us.
"Yeah, they're going well. It's been smooth so far." Wesley catches the memo and does the same. "And before you ask, no we've not had sex yet. We're taking it slow."
"Oh right. Yeah, that's fair enough." I nod along in agreement. I know how he feels.
"How about you and your pocket rocket?" He gestures his head back over to the kitchen. I chuckle a little
"It's nice. I'm kind of in the same boat as you really. We've not done anything at all. The ride has been kind of bumpy but most of that has been my fault."
"No surprise there man." We both laugh and I shake my head at him. "I like her. She's cool."
"Yeah. So is Paige." I trail off, grabbing my remote again. We get set up for another game.
"So you guys live together and you've really not done anything? At all?" He quizzes after a drawn out pause.
"We've kissed once." I explain. "A few days ago."
"Not even made out?" I shake my head at him, disappointed with my own answer. "Wow, you really are taking things slow."
"Yeah well, I don't mind actually, it's quite refreshing."
"I know what you mean." He agrees. "Paige really made me stop being an idiot and use my head." We're interrupted by the two girls howling in laughter from the other room. We smile at both of them. "Girls are wild man."
**
It's been a few days since we had our talk. Things have been slightly awkward around the apartment. Now that the sexual tension has been addressed, we're suffocating in it.
I catch the way she sometimes looks at me and the urge to sometimes reach out to her when we're in the same room is killing me. I want to feel her, touch her, have her. I know I can but I won't because I know I shouldn't.
Never in my life, have I worked so hard for a kiss before but I keep telling myself that the wait will be worth it because she is worth it. The fact that my friends and Amanda really like her is also a huge part of it as well and makes it a whole lot easier to decide that she is what I want.
**
Today, we've all decided to go to the beach for the evening. Isabelle has spent most of the afternoon making snacks to bring with us while Sam and I have been hanging out in the apartment.
Walking into the kitchen, Isabelle is packing some food into a cooler bag so it stays fresh in the car. I give her a smile and help her out, standing beside her. Occasionally the bare skin of her arm touches mine and just that alone is agony. It's as if I'm being tormented by something I can't have.
"Thomas your...erm-." She struggles to speak. "Your zipper... it's." She points and I look down and see the fly on my navy shorts is undone. I do it up and glance at her. She seems to be more embarrassed about it than I am.
"Were you looking at my dick?" I tease.
"No. I wasn't." She denies, her cheeks flushing.
"You so were." She walks around to the fridge, getting bottles of water out.
"No, it just... caught my eye." She shrugs it off.
"It happens. You'd be surprised."
"Shut up." She laughs. I lean my back against the island, folding my arms, putting my tongue against my cheek.
"And I thought we were only supposed to be friends and you're checking me out. That's not fair."
"How is that not fair?" She frowns.
"Because I'm not allowed to check you out." I answer. "Also you just admitted you were checking me out." She rolls her eyes.
"Ugh. You are the worst Thomas King." She playfully pushes me and I catch her wrists, backing her up against the counter. Her pretty brown eyes are smiling up at me, slowly fading out as I search her face.
"And God, Isabelle Dunn, I want to kiss you again." I whisper. Her body tenses at the sound of my murmured words. "Friends kiss each other, don't they?"
"Yeah." She replies, so quietly I wouldn't have known she's spoken if I hadn't already been looking at her lips. We're less than inches apart and it's killing everything inside of me.
Jesus fucking Christ, the thought of kissing her is enough to make me hard.
We're looking at each other with a fire and intensity I've never experienced before. It's a battle, both of us waiting to see who dares to overstep the line first. We're stuck, stuck in this endless loop that seems to be leading nowhere. It's fucking torture.
"Are you two done trying not to make out with each other?" Sam interrupts and we break away at the sound of his voice. "Why don't you just bite the bullet already?"
Isabelle clears her throat out, caught off guard and embarrassed.
"I wish it was that simple but it's not." I answer, drawing Isabelle into my side. She gives us both a shy smile before patting my shoulder.
"Come on, let's go."
**
- Frankie Kate