Continuing the cycles

No one knows

~Memory~

Monday, July 16th, 2005

This chapter has violence and sexual content viewers discretion is advised

_________________________________________

"Autumn, do you wanna take a bath?" my mother came into my room

"No" I responded quickly she walked over to my bed and turned the light on and gasped as she saw the blood-stained sheets 

"Autumn you got your period?!" I looked down at my nightgown that was covered in blood and I burst into tears

"hey baby its okay every girl goes through it here come on I'll help you clean up"

"No! I-I got it" I grabbed the sheets quickly and walked down the stairs I saw my father sitting at the table I was scared he was gonna notice me

"Autumn what the hell happened?" He got up and examined me 

"N-nothing mom said it happens to every girl" I walked away from him he grabbed my arm and looked me in my eyes and furrowed his eyebrows 

"What's wrong?" he asked me I looked around and tried to find an excuse but my dad knows me like the back of his hand

"I started my period" I lowered my head

"Aren't you too young to have your period"

"No mommy said she started hers early too" he held my chin and kissed my forehead 

"Daddy loves you, baby girl"

I looked up at him with my big brown eyes and nodded in reassurance that I loved him too and continued to walk downstairs to the laundry I put the sheets and cover in the washing machine 

"Mom" I yelled out

"Mom I put the sheets in the washing machine"

"Okay baby go get in the bath I'll come to show you how to use the products" I nodded my head and went to the bathroom I couldn't let them know what was happening to me or hat was really going on

I turned the bathwater on and sat in the tub tears rolled down my face as I thought why did this have to happen to me

"Hey sweetie I'm back- why are you crying?" she looked at me I looked up at her and she furrowed her eyebrows 

"What happened to your neck?" I tried to cover it with my wet curly hair she stood at the door so she didn't see my full body

"Daddy"

"August come here" I watched as my dad came in the bathroom as his red low eyes traveled the room and landed on me

"What did you do to her?" she stood in anger one thing my mother did not play about was her children

"What are you talking about?" she came closer and moved my hair 

"This she said you did this," she said referring to the handprint on my neck

"I didn't do that Dani she must've fallen or something"

"On her neck shes gonna fall on her neck nigga you sound dumb please just get the hell out I'm so tired of you putting your hands on me and my children"

"Oh you tired of me" he stepped to her he grabbed her neck and threw her head into the water

"Stop!!" I stood up in the bath

"Please" I grabbed his hands and pried them off my mother's neck as I saw his red eyes go back to a light hazel

"Please" I cried he released my mothers and she coughed as she held her neck 

She looked at me in horror to see the fresh cuts and bruises I had on my wrists and legs

As her breathing got more stable she asked me a question

"Autumn where did you get those from?" 

"I was riding my bike and I fell more than once" I lied

"Please don't be mad mom it doesn't hurt that bad and Abuelita was watching me" she nodded slowly as if she didn't believe what I was telling her

She opened the cabinet got pads and peroxide with cotton pads I washed my body and winced a little at the pain in my legs and private area  

"look you take the wings and fold them under your underwear then you pull your panties up and go then you change this when you feel its too full or its been 8 hrs but your flow is pretty heavy so id say every 2 hours" I nodded my head she cupped my cheeks in her hands 

"I love you, baby girl" she poured peroxide in a cotton pad and cleaned my scratches I knew she could tell that they were nails digging into my skin because she looked up at me but shook her head like she didn't believe it

"Has grandpa every touched you in anyway or tried" I looked up and shook my head no

"No ma'am," I said in fear of him hurting someone else

"I love you too mommy," I said as she walked out the door she was so strong he could've just killed her and she still makes it her priority to love me I could tell she suspected something but didn't speak her mind 

No one knows what happens behind closed doors no one knows what happens on Sunday...

My mother was a 4'11 half Dominican half black goddess with curves in all the right places I used to picture my mom in a magazine but once my dad started beating her she slowly lost herself and her beauty slowly faded away with her smile I wanted to look just like her when I grew up but most people say I look like my dad I didn't get any Dominican genes besides my accent and my hair but I'm only  25% Dominican and 75% black what could I expect

My dad walked into the bathroom

"Your mother is a beautiful woman but she got a smart ass mouth I hope you end up nothing like her" and here I am continuing the cycles

"I hope you find someone who loves you Autumn someone who treats you right find someone who knows how to love"  My mother's words rang in my head