Continuing the cycles

I will always love you

-Autumn-
January 5th 2021
Present
I rushed into the bathroom and locked the door

"You're okay you're fine breath in and out" I tried to keep myself from crying

"Come on just a hold on a little while longer okay they need you" I said to myself

"God I can't keep doing this" I inhaled and exhaled as the tears escaped my eyes I cried silently before the sobs broke through my chest

I sat on the floor and cried

"Autumn?"

"Autumn!" My Uncle yelled as he rushed over to me

"Are you okay?"

"Y-Yea I just need a second"  I wiped my tears and tried to stop crying but I couldn't he gave me a hug

"How could he leave me like this" I cried

"I love him so much"

"But do you see what he does to you he wasn't good for you Autumn"

"I know but I love him and I can't stop loving him I-I don't know why but I can't and I try so hard to forget about him and just remember that he hurt me but I can't"

This morning Elise came into my apartment to tell me that Lucas has passed away earlier this week... my children's father my fiancé the person I've been in love with for 6 years

My sadness quickly turned into anger and denial

"No we were supposed to get married he can't leave me"

"How could he leave me?!" I hit his shoulder repeatedly as I let out my anger he rubbed my back and just stood there in silence which was what I needed I finally calmed down and let go of him

"I'm sorry that you lost him baby girl I know this hurts I lost my wife before I got the chance to marry her"

"But it wasn't supposed to happen like this he supposed to be here and take Armani to the father daughter dance and watch Amari take his first steps he's supposed to be with me"

"I know baby I know come on let's go somewhere" he grabbed my hand and lead me out of the bathroom he grabbed my jacket  his keys and we walked outside

"Here put this on" I stared at the jacket in his hands it was Lucas's I tear dropped from my eye onto the jacket I covered my mouth

"Oh shit I'm sorry I just got a random jacket"

"It's fine" I grabbed the oversized jacket and wrapped it around my body he put his arm around me and we walked to his car one thing we had in common we both were obsessed with Micheal Jackson so he played his Micheal Jackson playlist and Wanna be startin' somethin' played I bopped my head and dance a little to the song

"You know when you were little I used to play Micheal jackson and you would scream all the words if you knew them" we laughed

"Yea those were the good times" he made a left turn and I realized we were going to the riverside grave yard

"No"

"Autumn-"

"I said no"

"I don't want to see him alive why would I want to see him dead"

"Autumn that is your fam-"

"He became a stranger the day he raped me" I unbuckled my seat belt