Metanoia // George Ezra Fanfic

First Loves

"So how are you handling the whole break-up situation?" George asks as the two of us continue around the rink, watching as Ollie, Miguel, and Emma slip and giggle across the rink from us. 

I sigh, "You know, sometimes I'm okay with it, because I don't think that Samson and I were really...good together. But, other times... I just want to break things."

"Sounds healthy."

I chuckle, "I'm not very good with emotions."

George pauses, seeming to consider his next question, "Did you love him?"

I feel a breath hitch in my throat. I think about his question for a moment. I'd asked myself the same question before, but the question was one I was still contemplating. Sorting through my emotions wasn't something I'd had much practice with. 

"I..." I start, but pause to think again before responding, "I did in a way."

"In a way?" George furrows his eyebrows.

"Yeah. I don't know how to describe it." I say, "I knew I wasn't in love with him, but I did love him. We talked about getting married, and I think some of my family was hoping for that, actually. In the back of my mind, I always knew that we would break up, but knowing that didn't make it any easier when it actually happened."

"Ahh." George nods, "I can understand that. So, you've never really been in love then?"

"I didn't say that." I say, grinning at him.

He frowns, "Who was he?"

My grin widens, "I didn't say it was a 'he' either."

George's expression turns to one of mild surprise, "Oh, sorry! I didn't mean to assume -"

"No, you're all right." I laugh, "I'm pulling your leg a bit. I know that I'm in love with multiple people, but not necessarily in a romantic way. People always assume that the feeling of being 'in love' can only be associated with romantic love, but I think differently. Some of the people I love most in the world are my family members. My mom, my dad, my niece - Helen. You know, I just get a feeling of wholeness around them that I've only ever been able to feel with them. And, I haven't ever been in love romantically, but I think that it'll probably feel similar. Almost like being home, or being whole."

George thinks about my words for a few minutes, "I like that idea. I think it's the same way with my family too. I guess when you think about it that way, it makes your family your first love."

"Yeah, exactly." I nod, "What about you? Have you ever been 'in love'?"

George bites his lip, and tugs on it with his teeth a bit. I can see the thoughts churning around in his head. Finally, he takes a deep breath, "I don't think I really have."

I raise my eyebrows, brushing a strand of hair out of eyes with my free hand, "What do you mean?"

"Well," George says, looking a little awkward, "I dated his girl for a while - her name was Florrie. She was an older woman, and she was...I guess the best word I can use is captivating. You know, she was bright, almost like a star in the night sky. I think there were some days that it reminded me of my family and that feeling of being whole, but there were other days that it didn't. She was a star in the night sky, but she wasn't the whole sky. There was no moon, no sun. It would kind of flip flop back and forth. But, then I ended it with her. Actually it was earlier this year that we split. I was coming to America, and I didn't think the distance would help with the flip-flop feelings I'd been having. She agreed. It was for the best. We would have broken up sooner or later, anyway."

"Ah, so you're familiar with heartbreak too?" I smile, but then my mind turns somewhere more serious. Without really thinking, I blurt out, "So, if she showed up here in America, asking to get back together, would you take her back?"