"Jung-Jungkook get the fvxk off of me!"
I don't stop trying, knowing well enough, my strength is nothing in front of him, I just spat words on his face.
He closes his eyes in annoyance, tightening his grip on my wrists, it is then I let myself breathe normally too, smelling alcohol on him. It disgusts me even more. His grip around my wrists, keep tightening, now hurting me,
"Jungkook, you-you're hurting me..."
He lets go of my wrists instantly, now sitting up straight beside me, holding his head in both his hands.
I sit up straight too, distancing myself from him a little.
"Don't go..."
He whispers, remaining in the same position. As if pleading, but his sight is only disgusting me, I can't afford to share the same space as him.
"Fvxk off, Jungkook!"
I nearly shout at him and walk towards the door, as I'm about to unlock the door, my body gets violently pulled backwards into a hard chest. His hands securing my waist, strongly enough to not let me go easily.
He breathes in my neck, almost making me feel intoxicated too.
I tighten my jaw, to hold myself together.
"For God's sake Jungkook, quit it and let go!"
"You're making me insane."
He mumbles, not listening to me at all.
"And you are making me wanna puke!"
"I needed her. I can't help it."
Not letting my heart take over me, I keep speaking,
"Then let go of me. Why are you here?"
"But I wanted to not be seen by you."
"Jungkook... please..."
I say, my eyes filling up again, I try to remove his muscular arms around me, yet fail.
"No..."
My eyes give up, my pain flowing out yet again. My heart tightens, as I stay in his arms, and my eyes keep pouring out my unspoken pain. I try not to cry, but it doesn't help, when he is almost on me, yet not with me. I purse my lips together, to not make any sound, in between biting my bottom lip.
"I... I'm.... sorry..."
He whispers in my ear, taking me by surprise, his words speaking too much, shattering my broken self more. It is then, I loose control and my lip quivers in between my teeth, I try not to stop the voices coming out of my mouth now. I hold onto his arms, and cry like there's no tomorrow.
This is not me, this isn't me.
This isn't real... I keep telling myself... yet my reality never changes...
I have never felt so helpless and disgusting about myself this much.
I hate this stupid heart of mine, I hate it...
ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー
"Where were you?"
"Not again, Hyunjin, my head's aching."
"How long do you plan to keep on doing this to me, Lia?"
"Hyunjin, let's talk tomorrow morning."
"Lia.... are you... ah... are you not in love with me anymore?"
"Hyunjin, what the hell? How could you say that?"
I make steps towards her, holding her tiny hands in mine. I smell alcohol on her but I know, she has a good alcohol tolerance, at least better than mine. She looks as amazing as ever, in her second favorite black.
"Hyunjin..."
Not letting her break my heart more, I silence her by my lips, on hers. Through a soft gentle kiss, I try to hide my vulnerability. My conscious is not telling me good things about us, yet I let my heart take over.
I love her too much...
She kisses me back but breaks the kiss after a few seconds,
"I'll go change... And ah... it was my old school friend's birthday party, and I did tell you about this, Hyunjin, you also said that you were too busy to accompany."
I don't miss the bitterness in her words, as I see her small delicate figure disappearing into our shared bathroom.
I love her.... I love her too much...
