67. The Slow Road

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Hello, I know I haven't updated for a while. I'm going to try to update regularly again now that the semester is almost over, but I can't guarantee consistency until after the holidays. 

In the meantime, a lot of you have commented recently, and I thank you all for that. I love reading the comments!! But I've also noticed a lot of comments on the earlier one-shots pointing out how most of them are depressing or sad, and there's a reason for that that I think you guys deserve to know. 

First let me start by saying that I don't mind those comments. I really don't, and I'll explain exactly why in a moment. But the reason why all of those are so depressing and sad is because I was when I wrote them. I've been dealing with undiagnosed depression for many years now. and before anyone says anything about it being undiagnosed, its because I don't have anyone that I can talk to about it and have it be treated as a real problem. My parents both have the way of thinking where mental illnesses are not real, which is why I am undiagnosed. 

I'm not going to answer many questions about this, even if you ask, but if anyone thinks that I'm not being truthful, I am. You can think what you want and if you want to stop reading my stuff now, go ahead. I understand that you might not believe me, and I've struggled with not believing it myself for a while. But I have had my experiences with it, most of which I am not going to share on the internet, but I felt that I should tell all of you.

Now I don't mind those comments, and I am not going to take any of those one-shots down because they show me how far I have come. When I wrote them, it was a very hard time for me, most of which I honestly don't remember. But I wrote what I knew, which is why they are sad. 

Lastly, I just want to say, I am ok. Its been years since I could say that with any kind of truth, but I can say that now. And honestly there have been two people in my life that have helped me so much more than I can ever thank them for. And because of them I think I'm ready to share this and hopefully move on. This one-shot is personal for me, and one of those people I mentioned were, and are, my Annabeth Chase. If anyone of you are also going through what I went through, just take my word for it. It does get better. I know those words don't mean much to you now, at the time they mean nothing to me, but things do get better. Because I hung on, because I stayed alive, I now have meant my two best friends in the world and one of them I truly believe is the love of my life and I am his. So I can promise it does get better. It gets so much better, trust me.


~~~~~~~~


The time it took for them to meet was almost too long. He had a habit of making friends to keep himself accountable to life. And she was the latest in a long line.

It started simply enough. He needed a 4th lab partner in Chemistry. Later he would laugh with her as they joked and said they had chemistry together. Although it wasn't really a joke.

He found eventually that he loved her. The great Annabeth Chase. The top of every class she was in, and yet for some reason she had decided to be his friend.

She had quite literally saved the life of Percy Jackson. A few nights after they met they stayed up late talking, into the early hours of the morning. They both realized how much they had wanted, how long they had both waited to confide into someone. And in that moment, at 1am on a Wednesday morning, they realized they loved each other. Even if they didn't recognize it at first.

He had told her that night that had they not met, had she decided to go to another lab bench, had she walked away, he probably wouldn't have been alive the next day.

"I'm an extrovert because I have to be," he had said. "I make new friends every time I think about going a little too far, and they keep me accountable. They give me a reason to stay for another day because we have a lunch thing at noon, or a study group tomorrow night. Obligations I can't break for a selfish reason."

She cried with him and the next day they noticed each other in a new light. One that knew what went on behind those eyes set in the other's face. There was a deep trust there now. One that wouldn't break, even when they were separated.

Country wide shut downs sent Percy home to New York and Annabeth home to California. The distance was a lot. But video calls that lasted hours, and letters sent through the mail kept them together. And still more was shared over those calls. Over the time spent apart they grew closer. And so when they saw each other again it felt like meeting all over again. Everything they had said that they wouldn't have dared say in person. Everything came rushing back and they found themselves with the novelty of meeting new people. But yet someone all too familiar all the same.

Now they are always together. Even apart. At night they dream of each other and during the day they talk endlessly on the phone. They know each other now as well as they know themselves. Even better. They talk of maybe getting married, once school is over and degrees have been received. They talk of starting a family later. They do realize that they are young, and there is a chance of things going differently, but at least to Percy, there's a higher chance of things happening just as they talked about.

Annabeth, without even knowing it, saves him every day. Her smile. A few random texts through the day. The memories. And it's with the time that they have been together as friends, that the thoughts of drowning, or hitting the ground after falling, don't sound so good anymore. Because the thoughts of being able to see her again, or the daily conversations, they are so much better.

And through the short time of knowing each other, so much has happened and Percy doesn't feel so alone anymore. He's found himself smiling more. He's found that now, after years of sadness and hopelessness weighing him down, he's happy. He's happy again thanks to Annabeth. And while it might be a while before he's completely okay again, before he's completely happy with himself and his life, Annabeth is definitely helping. And she's planning to walk that slow road with him. "Whatever it takes," she had said. "I'll be right here with you." and he believed her. 

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