Chapter 39

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Charlie played for me until the sun set, and we stood up silently as I wrapped my arms around my own torso, as if I was trying to shelter myself from the world. He tried to hug me or put his arms around me but every time he touched me I felt like my surroundings were real, and I really needed to feel like dreaming right now.

Even if it needed to feel like a nightmare.

We arrived at the house and I threw myself in bed. I could hear Charlie trying to talk to me and his fingers tracing my shoulders when he felt my body shake a little from trying to hold back the tears, but after some time he gave up, turned around and closed his eyes. The next morning he woke up before me and brought me a cup of tea which I sipped silently as he looked at me confused but mostly worried.

"Eri is everything ok? I'm sorry if I intruded too much yesterday. Talk to me please." I still couldn't say a word to him. I put the cup on the nightstand and started packing. He just looked at me from the bed as he waited for me to say something and then got up and started helping me and packed his bags too.

An hour later the driver called us both, and we got into the car. He tried to grab my hand, that rested languished in my lap but I couldn't find the strength to grab it back, so he just again traced his fingers through my arms. It made me feel calm. My mom used to do that when I was stressed or sad, but I just couldn't even react, so he stopped again and there I was again fighting the tears.

We got on the plane and I finally brought myself to be a little nicer to him which he appreciated. I wanted to let him know what was going on but I didn't know how to. I managed to laugh at his jokes even tho he noticed I didn't mean it, not because I didn't find it funny but because I couldn't genuinely laugh. We listened to music together and I quietly read him my favorite book until he slowly fell asleep on my shoulder for the rest of the flight. When we got to the airport I woke him up, and we quickly got out.

"Hey" he said, silently, as if he was scared of saying what he wanted to say "Do you want to come back to my place?"

"No Charlie I'm sorry I'm exhausted" I answered, putting my bag on my shoulders "I'll take a cab and text you when I get there, ok? Thank you for coming, it was amazing" I said, giving him a quick little kiss on the cheek and I finally could bring myself to smile for the first time in what it felt like forever. He tried to grab my arm to pull me in, but I was faster than him and walked away before he could do it, and he was left there standing with a pout on his face. I gave him a pout back and waved my hand as I walked away. He waved back and started walking towards the other direction where Owen was picking him up.

I arrived at the apartment and run to the elevator with my little carry on bag and finally breathed. It was early in the morning and luckily because Kenny was the most incredible boss ever I had a day off to rest.

When I opened the door of our house Maeve walked out of her room and grabbed my bag from my shoulder dropping it on the corner of the room next to the door.

"What are you doing here?" Maeve asked, grabbing my hand and leading me to the couch.

"My mom called you didn't she?" I asked as I sat down next to her.

"Yes, she called all of us. Matthew too. He just texted me. I told him to stay away, and he said not to worry, he won't meddle."

"Yeah no I guess my dad wanted him to know too. I don't care."

"I know you don't. But how are you?"

"I'm a mess" I said, finally crying out everything I forced myself not to in front of Charlie with Maeve. She just hugged me trying to get me to calm down and breathe but it was harder by the second. Savannah came out of her room and without saying anything handed me a glass of water and told me to chug it.

After I did I felt my breathing slowing down and I looked up at Maeve.

"So, are you going home?" she asked as I threw myself now on the couch.

"No I'm not Maeve I can't see him like that right now. And it he might look even worse than the last time. Not again."

I waited a minute and got up.

"I'll just go to set today anyways, maybe sit around and hang out. I can't be alone here with my thoughts."

"Eri your mom needs you" Maeve said and looked up at me tilting her head "I have your ticket just say the word, we'll confirm the date and you'll fly tomorrow."

"No, I'll just go next week. He still has 3 months. I want to not be a wreck when I get there."

"Ok Eri, you do what you need to. If you want me to go with you, I will." Maeve sentenced.

"Mhhm, thank you" I mumbled, as I made my way to do my makeup and get ready for set. I turned to her as I realized that Charlie didn't know "Please, don't tell Charlie" I asked, my face turning serious.

"Don't do that Eri. You'll need him. You'll need all of us but specially him now"

"Please" I asked again, emphasizing my words "I'll do it when I'm ready." 

We all made our way to the set where I was greeted by Kenny with open arms. 

"Eri! How did you do in Paris?" I felt a nervous shiver go down my spine as I went to answer the question. 

"It was amazing Kenny!" I found myself genuinely chipper as if that electric discharge my body sent out was a god sent impulse to get me through the day "Paris is everything the little girl in me dreamt of"

"And?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.

"I got it!" I answered, raising my arms to the sky. Kenny laughed loudly in a very fatherly way and I smiled brightly at him. Then I suddenly felt two arms wrapping around my shoulders and giving me kiss on the cheek.

"Owen!" I squealed as I turned around to give him a big hug while I felt someone jump on us "Jer! I missed you guys!" 

"We missed you too" Jer said, "And I guess business was not all you did out there. A little birdie told me there was some time for pleasure too"

"Oh shut up!" I said, punching him lightly on the arm "But yes, there was time for that too" I said, winking while they all hollered at Charlie who looked at us smiling brightly at me. He came running down and hugged me.

"Hey, are you doing better?" He asked.

"Yeah yeah I am. Thank you. I'm sorry about the airport. But after seeing everyone back here I feel better now"

"Are we going to talk about your mom's call?"

"No, I don't think so. I'm sorry."

"I wish you trusted me with the bad stuff too." He sentenced, turning serious.

"I'm sorry" I could feel my feel closing at him but talking about my dad with him made it real "I'm sorry" I repeated.

"It's ok." He said, and wrapped his arm around me, looking fustrated.

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QUESTION: Should I space the chapters a bit more? The story is already out lined in a timeline and I upload as I finish writing the chapter but maybe you guys find it a bit tiring if I come with a new chapter every day.

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