Lonely Butterfly

*13*

They say in storybooks and tales that broken souls always blossom into fierce warriors. But how can something so broken and torn ever grow into something? when you pluck a butterfly's wings they can no longer fly. When you cut a flower steam they can no longer grow. When you cut a person down, they stop caring. When you pluck their life and break their spirit, they stop breathing. They stop living... I am no flower or warrior... I am not a caterpillar waiting to be bloomed. I am just a broken hopeless girl.

My name means nothing to who I am. I am not beautiful or pure I am just torn. When I look in my reflection, I see a girl only filled with secrets and scars. The more I think about the darkness it only makes dread more. People would think when you have the number of scars, I do that they would stop. But seeing my body filled with scars, with lines. Only makes me crave to make another one. Again, and again and again.

Until there is nothing to carve but a vein.

With my phone buzzing i quickly picked up the phone. "Hey honey!" I quickly wrapped my bleeding thigh making sure it was secure managing to hold the phone to my ear as I put my clothes on for school. I walked out of my bedroom and while still managing to hold Aunt Linda's call to my ear. "Hello, aunt Linda! How is the trip?" Aunt Linda yawned loudly through the line. "It was good but awfully tiring, my boss just wants me endlessly to make his lazy ass coffees. But i am coming home tomorrow which is a positive" I sat down on the couch and Aunt Linda continued to complain about her boss. "I swear that old man is going to die with all that caffeine." Her voice then drifted. "How about you hun? How were you this week? I hope the house isn't too lonely without me."

"Yeah, its ok." I nodded, though she sound like she believed me. "Are you sure you're ok?" I didn't respond right away, instead, I breathed deeply thinking of a good thing to say.

I wasn't okay not even a little bit, not even an inch. But I had an obligation to tell her I was ok to not add that extra burden to her. She needed me to be ok, she already had a heavy plate. And I am sure deep down she didn't really want me coming here. But my mamma being my mother and legal guardian she decided that me coming here would be best. Not best for me or for poor aunt Linda but for her.

"Yeah, I am ok," I remember how at first it felt so out of sorts to pretend so much. But everyone around me was desperate to eat my lies because accepting my lies was easier than accepting the truth. They didn't want to worry about me they wanted to deal with their own grief. And to make themselves feel better they occasionally asked me questions about my wellbeing. Each time feeding off my lies hungrier and hungrier like a pack of wolves. Although I hadn't seen Aunt Linda since the funereal I did deep down hope that she wouldn't have accepted my lies. But unfortunately, she took them just as hungrily as the rest of them

"That's great honey! You have to go to school now so we will have to catch up tonight." She said breaking our short conversation. "Um, actually I am going to a sleepover if that's ok." a loud cheer and squealed came out of the telephone line which just sounded like it was full of love and adoration. "That's great news honey, who with?"