Lonely Butterfly

*3*

(Just warning chapters like this one will include self-harm... this is just a prewarning)

Loneliness, solitude, darkness they are three things you don't wish on anybody or yourself. It is something that isn't wanted or wished for it is just given. The worst part of it is that when you are gifted the gift you have no power to fight it. So instead you just welcome it in open arms. Then like cancer, the darkness spreads making you fall deeper and deeper into the hole of solitude and loneliness.

Until the only way out of the hole is if you leave yourself behind.

The day flooded with the same loneliness I have come accustomed too. No one talked or bothered me, much like I paid no attention to them. The teachers were nice to me but they as well treated me like everyone else did. The only attention I got during the lessons was the odd looks and whispers I got from people. I found it uncomfortable but I just kept my mask on and acted oblivious.

The group what I met this morning was also in my maths class which was surprising. "Hey, babe excited for tonight?" It was probably rude of me eavesdrop but the teacher was acting oblivious and I was quite literally bored out of my wits.

"Why are you excited, Harper? Do you actually think you will be mated with Xander?" One of the boy's joked before being joined with groups of laughter. I was curious about what they were talking about. It sounded weird what they were talking about. Like they were a part of some sort of cult. It was odd but far more interesting than the equations the teacher was writing upon the board.

"Oh, shut up Ben! You know nothing, me and Xander are going to be paired. Everyone knows it!" The harper girl growled. Again, like this morning a feeling of jealously crossed through me.

"Oh, I don't know anything huh? I am your older brother Harp I think I know more than you. Not to mention I am the beta of this pa-."

A loud slap sounded through the room and I couldn't help but shift uncomfortably as the teacher as well glared at the odd group.

"what the fuck was that for?" the ben dude hissed. "Ben you nearly blew our cover." Another guy hissed. "what do you mean? Who-oh." I needed to fight the urge to not turn around and to flip them off.

But I just wore my mask with all my strength.

"Alright guys that were the lunch bell, please take your maths homework tonight and complete it." Most of the students seemed rather glum of getting homework on the first day. I didn't mind it wasn't the best of sorts but I as well had not much  to do.

I grabbed my books and walked out of the classroom surprisingly managing to get past the herds of students. I didn't think there would be so many students at this school especially in this town. But I guess I proved myself wrong.

The cafeteria was just as packed and chaotic as the school hall this morning. There were hardly any free seats and tables. I looked over at the tables of groups of girls and guys laughing at their table and joking with each other. I can only remember when I used to be that carefree. But that girl is a stranger now, she is dead. My eyes scanned the room once more landing on the handsome guy Xander. He looked just as happy as the rest of the students as he started laughing at joke what the boy with the ball said.