Lonely Butterfly

*18*

Watching the sun rise and the day begin with the full moon still on display makes a person think so much. Makes me think about how even when a new day begins it can't wash away the night. It's a reminder of the darkness left in the sky no matter how bright the sun may be. No matter how great a day may seem or how happy you are there is always darkness lurking. I did not see this or realise this until I was shown how cruel the world can be. I realise now I will always have a dark moon sitting in my sky with the sun not fully arisen yet.  Much more importantly it hasn't even come into a view that most people can see, as it is hidden.

It will always be hidden...

I am always reminded when I see the moon, the sun, the sky and even the prospect of a new day which always makes me so sad. Not just because I am alone but now because I feel like I am constantly running. I am constantly trying to outrun the moon and even the sun in my life which is pointless as the moon and the sun in any aspect is inevitable. My life has no light and never will. I have come to accept this and make my peace of it.

I will never have sunshine nor will I ever be blessed with moonlight.

Trying to wish for anything else is pointless and I know this because I have tried. But now I am done trying or chasing....

"I am sorry, Dork." I whisper. Not expecting anything or any sign but just hoping that maybe somehow with some miracle, he could hear me. Sighing with my sadness I try to enjoy watching the ducks on the lake.

The lake has become my favourite haven to go to most mornings as it tends to help. Helps me recover from whatever I have gone through the night before. Which sadly was a call from mamma who was drunker than ever and was with chuck. Nothing new and nothing worth feeling anything but sorrow about. Just to make my life even harder my dad is obviously ignoring my call and I could put money on the fact he has blocked my number.

Sitting here for another hour, I pleasantly sat alone while listening to my recorder. Watching water i think is the most pleasant thing especially when you watch ripples and the way the water sparkles when the sun is on it. I didn't even care that I was running terribly late for school. Why should i care? Why?

I am basically living day by day waiting for something that will push me off the edge. Something that will make it go deeper when I need to fix the itch that comes every night. My own heart pounds and aches as everytime it realises how much of a mess I have become. A terrible, disgusting and ugly mess.

The lines on my body can explain the story.

Lonely butterfly

I walk into school like a zombie. There is no other way to describe how I look and feel today. However a zombie pretty much explains my coexistence perfectly. "Miss Perez this is your second time late." Mr harris began with his eyes looking down at me with disappointment and annoyance.

Your not the only one mr harris.

"Explain yourself." He said, crossing his arms. I could feel all of the class eyes on me, including xanders. I looked at Xander and admired how perfect and clean he looked. Everyday Xander is perfect, from the way he looks to the way he acts everything seems so perfect.