Redress (gxg)

Chapter 36 "Distressed"

Lauren was right. The drive contained a lot of names that were involved in Clifford's illegal business. It seemed like Isaac had been logging the names with some of their background information for quiet some time, probably when he realized what Cliff could possibly do to him, and he was actually right by doing so. Some of the names were familiar as they were on the news, wanted by the authorities, some were just random names, and some were freaking politicians. It was ironic how those people who were supposed to serve the public, and put their welfare and interests first, were the ones putting them at risks for money and power. Taking them down, and putting them behind bars wouldn't be easy as she was sure they had a lot of connections, but at least, they were found out to be corrupt which authorities could look out for.

Slowly coming into senses after a deep slumber, she then fluttered her eyes open, and eventually stared at the empty space on the other side of the bed. It had been weeks since the funeral, and when they gave the drive to Rose Blanchard, the only person she could think of trusting with the information. Rose didn't miss the chance to keep Lauren in the loop, and so far, a few had already been brought into custody. It was a slow progress, but a progress after all, and Lauren was thankful, yet she couldn't bring herself to be glad for the progress as she was starting to feel hollow after going through Isaac's funeral, that added to the heaviness she was feeling. Waiting for a progress from Rose while trying to go through a funeral, and only doing just that was depressing. Not only she was dealing with another loss, she had also been thinking about Alex as she was missing her so badly, oftentimes getting reminded by her absence. 

She already had a couple of breakdowns, and it was hard when she didn't have enough support system. She wanted someone to lean on, and tell them what she was feeling deep inside. It was like she was slowly losing her sanity, and it didn't help the fact that she also hadn't gotten over Isaac's death.

She thought of Becca yet she didn't want to bother her since she knew she was busy with work, and she too was still devastated for losing Alex, Lauren didn't want to add to that burden. She also thought of going to Tina as she was also a good listener and her bestfriend, but she didn't want her to get involved in what had been going on. Tina knew nothing of what was truly happening, and she wanted to keep it that way, to keep her safe and her family. Going to her mom had crossed her mind, but knowing how dangerous it was just being around her at the time being, she didn't want to risk it as Clifford's goons could be keeping an eye out for her or following her. 

In the end, no matter how much she thought of someone, the more she could think she only had herself to rely on.

Sighing, she wiped the tear off her face while still staring at an empty space. She had been crying too often lately, and felt like no tears would come out anymore the next time she would go crying hard. Everything was taking a toll on her mental, emotional, and even physical health. She couldn't eat and sleep properly, and she started having nightmares that would keep her up through the night. She started feeling like she was slowly dying from the inside out, and she knew all too well that she couldn't go on feeling the same.

Letting out another defeated sigh, she slowly pulled herself up, and decided to get off the bed, trying her hardest not to give in, and go back moping around. She knew that if she would stay a little longer on the bed, she would cry again, or worse, have another breakdown, and even if she couldn't stop being sad and broken, she still didn't want to experience another breakdown. She admit, she hadn't been outside lately, and maybe, a change of scenery could help her ease up. She wanted to clear her head, and gain back control of herself, before diving back in the fight against Clifford. Even if it wouldn't be easy to overcome her emotions, she was willing to try, and force herself to get back in the game already level-headed. She had already wasted too much time doing nothing, and had almost lost sight of what she was fighting for when it shouldn't be happening in the first place, she needed to do something about it.