Not the only one (formally Chloe)

Chapter 43

They had both been sleeping about an hour when Ange woke to her daughter thrashing about and screaming "NO. NO. NO. STOP. NO."
Ange put her hands on her daughters arms "Chloe it's okay your having a bad dream" Ange soothed, but Chloe was still distressed. Ange was pretty sure that you weren't meant to walk someone having a nightmare but watching Chloe reliving her trauma was heartbreaking. "It's okay darling, your safe now. I'm here. Mummy's here." She held her sleeping daughter to her she could feel her heart beating fast and her breath coming in gasps. It reminded her of back when Chloe was little in 1996. After the Dunblane massacre, a school shooting, Chloe had nightmares, as well as after 9/11. So she just held her daughter soothing her as she did when she was young. Stroking her cheek. Speaking softly "I've got you baby. You're safe now. It's over." Soon Chloe's breathing and heart rate settled. Ange tried to sleep again, but only an hour later Chloe started screaming and thrashing again. "Darling I've got you darling. You're safe. Mummy's here." Ange continued to soothe her daughter. Chloe eyes shot open and she sat bolt upright. Heart racing, hyperventilating and sweating. "Chloe you're okay baby, you're safe, you're at mums house in Holby, and you and I are the only people here. You're safe. I've got you." Ange reminded her daughter. "Can I hug you Chloe?" Ange asked and Chloe nodded so Ange put her arms around her. "Mum, I'm scared, I'm scared." Chloe gasped, tears in her eyes. Ange held her shaking daughter close. "I know darling, I know, but you're safe now, you're safe and I'm here." She kissed her daughters blonde hair. "I've got you lovely girl, you're safe now, it's over now."
"Not in my head. In my head it's happening over and over and each time it's like I'm there. Like it's happening again." Chloe tried to explain through her tears.
"Oh Chloe, it's just a nightmare, a bad dream. I know it's scary but it's over and you're safe now. I wish this hadn't happened to you but I promise with time and with therapy it will get better. It's been less than 24 hours. And the last 24 hours have been so traumatic for you. How about in a little while I call the SARC in Holby and we get you some counselling?" Ange asked and Chloe nodded and cuddled into her. They stayed there a while, a tangle of limbs. Ange wanting her daughter to rest but Chloe too scared to sleep. Ange looked at her daughter, deathly pale despite the purple blue bruises peppering her body. "Here." Ange said passing the glass of water that she'd put in her bedside table to Chloe. It had become a theme in their lives, if Chloe was struggling Ange got her a glass of water. She couldn't remember the first time she'd done it but she could remember why. Her friend Sian was a psychiatrist specialising in children and young people. She had once told Ange that giving a young person in distress water helped them regulate their breathing so they could swallow it, and drinking provided a distraction. Ange didn't know if that was still recommended but it made her feel slightly less useless when Chloe was distressed. When her daughter was so upset the only thing Ange could do was hug her daughter, try her best to comfort her and give her a glass of water.

"Chloe darling, you need to rest. I'm not feeling tired and there's some stuff I need to do." Ange started to explain. "No mum don't leave me, please don't leave me!" Chloe pleaded.
"I'm not going to darling. I have some phone calls I need to make and some reports for work. So I'm going to get my phone and laptop and I'll make the calls out on the landing but I'll keep the door open and come to you if you need me and I can do the reports here in bed right next to you. I'll get my things now. I'm going to make myself a quick sandwich and I'll make one for you too and I'd really like if you'd eat it. Would you rather cheese and tomato or ham?" Ange asked "Can I just have bread and butter?" Chloe replied. "How about i do you bread and butter but put some cheese and ham on your plate in case you decide you want them?"
Chloe nodded in reply.
Ange had lied to Chloe she was exhausted. So exhausted she was worried if she let herself sleep that she'd sleep through Chloe's nightmares. Plus Ange hated sleeping through the day. Even when she was on night shifts she often barely slept and just slept on her nights off. She was used to functioning on very little sleep.  Ange handed Chloe the plate of bread and butter, cheese and ham as well as a packet of mini cheddars. Hoping Chloe would eat something. She picked crumbs off the bread and pressed them to her lips but nothing of substance was eaten. Ange knew she would need to confront Chloe to get her to eat something but right then Ange didn't have the strength.
Once Chloe was back asleep Ange called Fletch. He was on his way back from Scotland he asked if he could do anything for Ange. There was nothing right now. Then Ange had to make one of the calls she had been dreading. To Sheila, her mother, Chloe's grandmother.
Ange took a few deep breaths as she heard the shrill ring on the other end of the phone
"Hello, Sheila Goddard, may I ask who's calling?"
"Hi mum,"
"Hi Angel darling. How are you finding the Trossachs? Is it snowy up there."
"Mum we need to talk. Are you sat down."
"Angel. What's happened, are you okay?"
"I'm fine. It's Chloe..."
"But I only saw her yesterday."
"I know. She...mum...she was attacked"
"Oh God."
"She..she was raped." Ange struggled to get the word out of her mouth. Her daughter had been raped, just like she herself had been 30 years earlier. Only Chloe wasn't the streetwise, hardened teen Ange had been, she was more pure. More precious. More delicate.
"Oh God Angel is she okay?" Sheila asked.
"I don't know mum. Physically she hit her head and has a lot of bruises and cuts. Injuries to her vagina too. She's in quite a bit of pain but that will heal.. mentally.. I mean it's been less than 24 hours but it's been hard. The only thing she's eaten has been one tiny shortbread biscuit and about a quarter of a piece of toast. I drove her home through the night last night and put her to bed now but she keeps waking with flashbacks and nightmares. I just wish I could take it all away."
"I know." Sheila replied "I know you do because I felt the same when it happened to you. I don't think I reacted as well as I could have done. I tried to help you by going on as normal pretending it didn't matter. Moving away, moving on. Not letting you process it properly. I don't know. I know it must feel worse for you because you've been there too. It's okay if you found it hard, if it triggered you."
"Mum it was awful." Ange admitted. "I took one step inside the Glasgow SARC at the hospital and ran outside and vomited. Do you remember my SOLO Lorraine? She was still there and she was amazing. Supporting both me and Chloe."
"She is a wonderful lady. I'm glad she was there. Do we know who attacked Chloe?"
"Evan"
"Her boyfriend?"
"Ex-boyfriend/ stalker. She stabbed him. In self défense I'm sure but he's hurt badly. I'm worried. If he dies the police..."
"Angel" Sheila interrupted "there's no use thinking like that now. You just have to be there for Chloe. You can cross that bridge if it comes to it. Can I talk to Chloe?"
"She's sleeping and she's not really saying much. When she wakes I'll see if she wants to talk to you." Chloe's phones was in Ange's bag somewhere. They gave it to Ange at the SARC. They'd found it with Evan's things. Chloe hadn't asked for it and Ange just wanted Chloe to rest so hadn't given it to her.
"That would be great."
"Did you see Evan hanging round Chloe in Aberdeen?"
"I didn't see anyone at all suspicious." Sheila replied
"No, Stop, No. Help. Someone Help me." Chloe started to scream.
"Mum I'm sorry, Chloe..." Ange started
"Go to her." Sheila said and ended the call.
"Chloe it's okay, you're safe, I've got you baby."