Luna - Beasts of Beauty Series - Book 1

Chapter Twenty-One

"I want you to mark me," he whispers, his eyes not leaving mine. My eyebrows furrow at his words. Me? Mark him?

"What?" I question. "Sam, that doesn't make any se-"

"Yes, it does," he cuts me off. I try to talk again but he continues before I can. "It makes sense to me. I hurt you," he starts. I am about to say something but he gives me a look asking me to let him finish. "No matter what you believe, I hurt you. I had to sit back and watch as I bed another woman. I had no control as I constantly talked down to you. All I could do was watch. No matter how hard I tried to take control and stop it, I couldn't do it. I wasn't strong enough. It's fucked me up, Evelyn. I'm very fucked up over this."

I don't say anything as he takes a deep, pain-filled breath. I know he's fucked up over this. He's told me how overwhelming it is; the crazy thoughts in his head, the pressure from his family to mark me, the war we're currently in. It's a lot for one person to handle by himself.

He's not doing it by himself, Eliza chimes in. I smile inwardly at that.

He isn't doing it himself. I asked him to include me and he is. He is asking me to do this for him, to help him. I promised him that if there was anything I could do to help that I would. He is telling me that this will help him. What kind of a mate would I be if I didn't do this?

A mate who breaks her promise, Eliza mutters. And I'm not that. We're marking him.

I know we are.

Sam takes another deep breath, catching my attention once again. I rest my forehead against his and wait for him to be ready to speak again.

"I can't live the rest of my life without you, Evelyn. But, that means I have to live the rest of my life with you knowing that I hurt you the way I did. You're too good for me, Evelyn. Any other person in your shoes would have run for the hills long before having the patience to figure out that I was under a spell. I don't deserve that and I don't deserve you. The only thing I can think to make this more bearable is if you mark me instead. It's how I prove that I will work to deserve you." He pauses for a moment, as if to decide if he is finished. "I know you don't need me to do this, but I do. This is something I want; something I need."

He takes a deep breath and opens his eyes, signaling to me that he is done.

"Okay," I say simply. He blinks once, his eyes incredibly wide.

"Wait, really?" he asks. "Just like that?"

"If you need this for you, to help you, then yes," I answer. "If this will help you hurt just a little less, then I'll do it. I'll do anything to help you feel better about what happened, Sam." 

His eyes widen and he smiles at my words. The smile weakens quickly, though. He had a thought and it was a bad one.

"See," he points out, a defeated sigh escaping his lips, "just another thing you're willing to do for me." He looks down, refusing to meet my gaze.

"Stop that," I snap, my voice more stern than I intended. His head snaps up to me, fear in his eyes. He thinks I'm mad at him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you, I just..." I trail off. "Your words irritated me, but I know it's not your fault, so I'm sorry. But," I add the conjunction before he can say anything, "I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong. Just because I don't need your help as much as you need mine doesn't mean you're not doing things for me, Sam. I'm glad you don't have to be doing things for me because it means I'm not hurting for once."

"I didn't think of it that way," he mumbles, still refusing to look at me.

"I know you didn't," I confirm. "That's why I said it. You're the one struggling right now. I'll have my time for struggle and you'll have more than just another rough patch. You can't sit here and compare what we do for each other. It's not healthy for us and it doesn't matter." Finally, he looks up at me. Only because I cupped my hand around his chin and forced him to, but still. "All that matters is that I love you. I promised I would do anything you needed me to, so what kind of a mate would I be if I didn't do this for you now?"