Declan ...
When I woke that morning, I saw Nicola sleeping beside me; or so I had wished it to be. Because what I hoped to be a peaceful and quiet morning, where the soft sun rays had danced on her skin and the softest whisper of morning rain running down the windows, was a dream miles away. No the scene I saw was her trying to control my profound sweating, while my hair stuck to my forehead and the sheets were bunched up at my feet and sweaty, I was shivering. At first sight, she thought it was a cold, but from closer proximity the sweat underneath my eyes, it didn't make sense, for my eyes were red, open wide while my breathing shook with my entire body, her brows lowered as I stared into the abyss.
Against her better judgment to make a joke at this time, she tried to gather her thoughts, react to this as an adult. But for that to happen she had to shut up and observe, think.
Wonder, how had it happened so that she didn't hear me cry or feel me shake beside her? How is it so that she didn't feel my sweaty chest and sheets? Were these the nightmares that haunted my soul? Or did something already happen to ruin my day? She had no way of knowing.
" Hey. " What else was there to say. My eyes didn't snap to her, I didn't roll them or blink, but I knew she was looking at me. Even my lips stayed the same, blue as if the house was cold.
" Hey. " She barely heard me say because she leaned closer. My voice was hoarse and raspy. From the morning or all the crying? From crying in the morning? Maybe in my sleep.
" Is everything okay? " How dumb of her to ask. It's clearly not. I should answer sarcastically. Ask her 'what the hell do you think'. But I don't. I thought I would.
" No. " She knew that was the answer, but she didn't know it would come. More specifically she didn't know what she would do when and if It came.
" Do you want to talk about it? " The house is eerily quiet. There aren't soft gushes or wind or the faint noise of rain falling behind the window. Only the street dogs barking and people going about their day. No sunshine in sight.
" No, Nicola. I don't want to talk about it. " I shut her off, just like that. What was she expecting of me? Wasn't it always meant to be exactly like this?
" Okay but- "
" No, I stayed the night I shouldn't have and that was a dumb move by me." I swallow. She was afraid of what I might do. Afraid of what she would say back if I made her mad enough because I knew.
" I should go. " I sniffed my nose and it broke her more than it should have to hear me want to go. Maybe I didn't want to but I had to. She was left with her own mind to answer the questions meant for me.
" Wait. " She holds my shoulder back, looking into my honey eyes to ask once more.
" Was it because of me? Did I do something?" My brows rise.
" Is this reaction because of ... me-"
" God, Nicola, I told you I don't want you to ask about it." I huff and push her off.
" No, you said you don't want to talk." I shake, sit on the corner of her bed slumped as I hold my head.
" Nicola, it's not you. " She slowly crawls up to me, holding her distance while she holds my shoulder.
" Can I make it better? " I stare into the dark. How long had I stayed like this? How long has she cared like this?
" I have to leave. You can drive me back if you want to. " I sniff, go over my nose with the back of my hand. She places her chin on my shoulder.
CITEȘTI
Grape Juice from Lemons
Ficțiune adolescenți"You're hallucinating again, Nico. Just stop, no one would stare at you with such desire as he does. " But Max didn't know what it was like, because he was a boy. My body isn't the most desirable, I'm already discriminated against for the color of...
