Perigo University

Special Chapter: Manipulate

a/n: this would be quite long. enjoy reading. lovelots!

***

My existence was never easy.  Life has always been so tough and cruel to me... And if you would let me describe my whole journey here in this world... one sentence, I think, would be enough.

It is a torture.

Waking up in the morning... feeling nothing but sadness and misery has been my everyday routine. At siguro dahil na rin sa tagal, nasanay na ako. Iyon na ang naging normal para sa akin.

It's not a good thing, right? I know. I am fully aware of that. Pero... ano naman ngayon? Ano naman kung ang normal na araw para sa akin ay ganito? Na sa kada paggising ko sa umaga, sa tuwing malalaman ko na panibagong araw na naman ang kailangan kong harapin... Instead of being thankful, I will always end up being disappointed.

I will always end up sighing and asking... Bakit kailangang ako? Bakit sa dinami rami ng masasamang tao na narito... bakit ako pa?

I didn't want this. This wasn't even on my fucking dreams. Pero anong magagawa ko? Ngayong nararanasan ko na?

Nothing. I couldn't even do something to get out of this.

Because no matter how much I try... no matter how I teared up every fucking time, and no matter how much I exhaust myself everyday...

Things will never change. My life will always remain this way. Full of pain, anguish, and above all... rage.

Kahit na ilang beses ko pang subukang baguhin, lagi ko lang bibiguin ang sarili ko.

I am alive, yet, barely living.

"Hijo, nandito ka lang pala."

Tumikhim ako at tinignan si Manang. Lumapit siya sa akin at tinapik ang balikat ko. I smiled wearily at her. She's already with us ever since I am a child. Ngumiti siya sa akin at tinuro ang loob ng bahay.

"Gising na si Ashley. Hinahanap ka niya."

My lips parted. Hindi na ako nakapagsalita pa at kaagad nang tinakbo ang distansiya patungo sa kwarto ng kapatid. The moon is now up, yet, I couldn't give myself the time to sleep.

Saying that I am afraid will be an understatement. It was more than that. I was terrified.

Hindi ko mabigyan ang sarili ko ng oras para matulog dahil natatakot ako. Natatakot ako na baka sa paggising ko, wala na si Ashley... na baka sa paggising ko, tuluyan na akong maging mag-isa.

Ashley is sitting down on her bed when I arrived. I can feel my knees trembling as I watch her. Humakbang ako ng isang beses para mas lalong makalapit. However, after that step, I couldn't move anymore. I was just standing here, looking at my sister like a fucking idiot.

It took her a while before she finally recognized my presence. Kaagad umaliwalas ang mukha niya nang makita ako. Kumaway siya sa akin at ngumiti.

Kinuyom ko ang kamao ko. Tanginang sobrang sakit ng nararamdaman ko pero wala akong magawa kung hindi pilit na indahin.

Tinawag ako ni Ashley ng isang beses at inimuwestra ang tabi niya. Bumuntong hininga ako at bahagyang sumandal sa gilid.

I stared at her. Ni hindi ako makangiti. Parang tinutusok ng punyal ang puso ko habang nakatitig sa kaniya.

"You're awake..." napapaos kong sinabi. "You're finally awake," I said in so much relief.

She nodded at me and smiled more. "Of course. I'm strong, Kuya."