dnyl club [ nct dream ]

[ thirty one ]

"Fake?"

Jeno turned his head to Jaemin, and nodded slightly.

"I wrote about how she was everything and it was great and although half of it was true, I don't think I feel that way now. She was so obvious about it, now that I think of it, looking back. Staking her claim, shit like that. It kind of pisses me off now. But she was everything, and nothing at the same time."

"I never really had that inkling to check up on her, not really meeting her outside of school. That just screams 'terrible boyfriend' vibes to me. It felt like a show, and when I was at school, action, yanno? But everywhere else was off stage and she just kind of disappeared," he said, hand moving his hair out of his vision.

"But she didn't check up on me either. It was like I disappeared for her too, and it confused me. I didn't know that that wasn't what relationships were supposed to be. She was my first anything. Relationship, hug, kiss, and I felt satisfied. I thought that the feeling of satisfaction was love and that became my downfall."

"I got so used to that feeling that I still don't know what love feels like, so now I feel like I've been robbed. I wasted my life and time spending those memories on her," his breath hitched, his eyes focused on his intertwined fingers.

Facing it all now was taking a toll on his mind. He had done everything he thought was correct in order to hope that he was granting her happiness, but in return he was casted away in the darkness. He became insignificant.

Now he felt insecure. That there was going to be no one for him; that he were to be casted aside for the rest of his life.

And although he was terrified to live with this mindset for what seemed like the rest of his life, he figured that he would eventually find that one person that he wouldn't mind having his heart broken by.

So there was that.

But to be entirely honest, he was still young, and the future always held surprises, so he will end up fine. At least, that's what he hoped.

"So now I don't know what to do. What next is there to do?" He felt brave enough to look up, his eyes meeting Renjun's.

He knew that the older was strong, and seemingly had the answer for any and all situations.

He hoped that Renjun would help solve his own problem, but then felt guilty.

Renjun was going through his own trauma, if not why else would he be here.

Renjun gave him a smile, a reassurance.

"I think you'll be just fine, Jeno. She might've nicked you with her claws, but she didn't sink them in. Truthfully, you're young, we are all young. We have plenty of time to figure ourselves out, but right now, we are hurting. Right now, we can't see through the haze of pain, but we will walk through it eventually. Like all experiences, it takes time."

Renjun took a deep breath. He didn't like being the one with the answers.

But if it meant helping his friends, he'd do it.

Looking at the boys surrounding him, he felt grateful.

Their sudden companionship became a new safe haven for the boy.

He felt like he finally belonged, and it was border-line overwhelming.

A cough broke his subconscious, his attention now brought to the youngest of all of them.

"I don't really," he paused, making a strange sign, his wrist bending at what looked like an uncomfortable angle, "have anything to share? I haven't went through anything inherent like you guys, but I'm learning from it wholeheartedly, don't get me wrong. So, thank you."

The rest of the boys smiled warmly at the youngest, glad that he could learn from their mistakes, and hopefully won't have to face heart break like they did themselves.

"You guys want to call it a night? Because I'm honestly running low on emotions, and feel like collapsing in my bed for the next three years," Chenle said, yawning as to make a point. The humor lifted the tense air that seemed to engulf the group.

"You mean my bed?" Renjun joked, ruffling the younger's hair.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. We'll see," Chenle answered, watching as his yawn triggered Renjun to yawn as well.

Jaemin and Jeno shared a look, not too sure as to how to read that.

And also read into the shared look. But they shrugged, looking at the rest of them again.

"Yeah, I think that'll fill our socialization battery for the next two lifetimes," Jaemin added, a small smile remaining on his face.

"Says you, little social butterfly," Jeno snorted, nudging Jaemin's shoulder.

Jaemin's smile faltered for a second, before replacing it with a brighter smile, nudging the older back.

"Yeah, says me."

They exited the diner, the night's chill air allowing their breaths to condensate in the air, and chilling their bones as each wrapped their jackets closer to their bodies.

Jeno and Jisung both figured it'd be better to crash at Jeno's, leaving in one direction together.

Jaemin lived the same direction as Renjun and Chenle went, so he followed them about half way, before he had to split off.

After opening his door, and making sure to throw himself onto his bed as soon as humanly possible.

It was a little more cooler than what he had expected at that time of night, he certainly welcomed the nest of blankets and pillows that engulfed his bed, and reminisced of the day.

His heart warmed with the thought of him being able to help his new friends, and confiding in them as well.

He had honestly thought that the whole meeting would be awkward, but since it wasn't he knew they were all going to be just fine.

Just fine.

. . . 

a/n:

i'm so sorry for not uploading sooner,

honestly, everything's been kind of hectic, and I kind of fell into a slump and just couldn't get myself to be productive enough to type more, and for that

i'm truly sorry,

and i'll try to do my best in the future.

thank you so much for reading!

and until next time!

started : 2020.11.3
finished : 2020.11.13