dnyl club [ nct dream ]

[ thirteen ]

Jaemin let a breath out, kind of teary from a yawn he let go a couple of minutes ago.

He wasn't actually tired, but he was used to laying on a bed for hours, not necessarily being so active at this hour.

"Um," he started, catching the others' attention as they turned to look at him.

"Mine's a different story," he said, clasping his hands together to try and keep his nerves at bay.

He felt a consoling hand on his shoulder from Jeno, who sat beside him.

He looked up at the boy, seeing the acceptance radiating from his irises, before casting a glance to the other three boys that remained to his right, each giving either a nod of support or a small smile, showing that they were listening. That they were there for him, and were willing to actually listen to the boy's words.

"I'm actually happy, that I followed you guys up here. My situation has been a bit difficult from the very start. There was no question that my relationship with this person was going to be a hardship. But ever since the beginning, I'd give anything to be with that person. My whole heart seemed to be the price. And it was paid, no doubt about that. I had fallen hopelessly in love with this person, and I assume he had felt the same way, and we were happy."

He smiled, remembering the good times. How light it had been on his heart, how beautiful the feeling was, until he crashed down onto his feet, not realizing how high he'd been in love.

"He wasn't ready to admit that he liked boys, and the time I had spent with him was always in secret. I loved him. And I told him that, and he had the guts then, to tell me he loved me, too. So when his parents found us in a compromising time, he had shut down any admittance to his real sexuality, pushing me out the door. He later told me that day that we needed to break up. That he didn't want to hide in the shadows, always afraid to be caught in an unfavorable situation again," it felt like a weight was being let off of Jaemin's heart as he told them how he felt, a hand slowly reaching his as they clasped it.

It was Renjun.

"I called him out for that. Why? Why was it so terrible to be unfavorable? Why couldn't he choose the so-called love he held towards me? He said he'd do anything for love, but he couldn't stay with me? One instance, and suddenly he was weak and couldn't stand on his own? He had spoken so high of his love for me, but suddenly he doesn't feel the same?"

Tears slowly made it down his face, but they weren't full of sorrow. He was finally releasing the stress and anger he had towards the boy.

"He broke it off, but the worst part is, is that he is just was able to pass it off as nothing. Like our relationship had no effect on him. He went along with his life, but I was left behind, picking up the pieces and trying to understand where everything had gone wrong. I just don't know how to move on from him, as he so easily did with me. I am the one questioning myself, I am the one hiding from him, I am the one who felt like they had lost something substantial. I started to think that I really caused this to happen, that it is my fault for falling in love, that I am to blame, but I had no one to turn to. Until now, that is," he said, with teary eyes he smiled at the four with him.

"I couldn't tell anyone, and kept it bottled inside, trying to find the problem. So, thank you. All of you. Being able to tell this to someone is so alleviating, and thank you for genuinely listening. None of my so-called friends would even begin to comprehend the struggle," he wiped a tear off of his face, smiling widely at them, releasing a shaky but an eased breath.

He laughed at himself, smiling still as he returned his gaze to his hands, "thank you," he repeated, the hand holding his squeezing lightly in reassurance.

They had decided that listening would be best for this meeting, and whenever the next club meeting their was, they'd be able to gather thoughts and reflect on their situations.

So, Jeno went ahead and started his story after placing an understanding arm across Jaemin's shoulder.

"She was my everything. She used to do this cute thing, where she'd write her name on my wrist and claim me as her's," he smiled lightly to himself, before he remembered what happened.

"Little did I know that she was just promoting herself. I had been told before that she wasn't who she seemed to be, but I was so blinded by her, that I couldn't see it. I never thought she was a bad person, and I still don't, but I do find her selfish. She had dated me, only to get together with the boy she actually liked," he said, disappointed in himself, but before he knew it, his hand, too, was held into Renjun's hand.

"She used me for popularity to gain someone else's attention. She made memories with me, only to throw them away and go to someone else. I had truly loved her, so why did she insist that she loved me too? I don't understand how someone could fake a whole relationship that meant so much for the other person."

"We spent most of our time in the library, and even now I find myself lost in there, reading the books and reminiscing the times we had before. The funny thing is, I usually end up in the romance novel section, reading the books there. I don't even like reading, yet I do it anyways because I miss her. I miss her so much, that I'm in that library, day in and day out like it's nothing, but to me it's everything. It's like there's a hole in my heart, and that library is the only thing that's keeping me together, and I'm starting to hate it. And it kills me to hate it, because it's her."

Jeno had looked into Renjun's eyes when he finished, trying to seek out answers that he didn't have, but Renjun remained smiling.

The weird thing is, is that this was the same boy that stood up to his ex, smiling so persistently in front of him.

And Jeno wanted him to keep smiling, so that he could learn to do the same.

Just keep smiling, like a mantra he needed to engrave into his mind.

But he felt like he could fall apart at any minute, and hearing the older boy speak was something he'd never thought he'd ever hear the older say.

Renjun had started his story.

"I was going to have sex with him."

. . .

A/N:

dOuBlE uPdATe??? ᵈᵒᵘᵇˡᵉ ᵏⁿᵒᵗ⁻ˢᵗᵃⁿ ˢᵏᶻ

sInCe WhEn???

but

i hope you enjoyed this,

and next part is Renjun so yeet

and it doesn't help that he's drunk either oof-

but until next time!!

also       ᵗʰᵃⁿᵏ ʸᵒᵘ ᶠᵒʳ ʳᵉᵃᵈᶦⁿᵍ ᵎᵎᵎ

started : 2019.10.16

finished : 2019.10.16