American girl [H.S.]

Chapter 45 - Gay Houdini

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February 1, 2018

"I missed your 24th birthday, I've been up at home.. almost tried to call you.. don't know if I should.." I sung. It was Harry's birthday, but he was on tour and he left me, so I doubt he would answer if I called.

"Hate to picture you half-drunk happy.. hate to think you went out without me.." I could already feel the tears. I wrote about a hundred songs about Harry and how he hurt me, but none of them were able to get rid of the pain in my chest when I hear his name.

"All your fans will probably blame me, if I were them I would.. never saw this coming.. probably never would.." I just don't know why he left. We were happy. I was happy.

"I still haven't heard from your family.. but you said your mom always loved me.."

"Sometimes I go blurry eyed... small talk and you tell me that you're on fire... lights on and it's black and white, you couldn't stay forever.." I wish you stayed forever.

"I see the look in your eye and I'm biting my tongue.. you'll be the love of my life when I was young. When the night is over... don't call me up I'm already under.."

"I get a little bit alone sometimes and I miss you again.. you'll be the love of my life inside my head. When the night is over.. don't call me up I'm already under.."

"Paparazzi said they saw you, out past 12 o clock.. just because you're hurting doesn't mean I'm not.." I didn't even know if he was hurting, but he looked pretty sad in the photos I saw online.

"If it doesn't go away by the time we turn 30, you made a mistake and you should tell me you're sorry..sorry..."

"Sometimes I go blurry eyed... small talk and you tell me that you're on fire... lights on and it's black and white, you couldn't stay forever.." My eyes started to burn and I felt hot tears gushing down my face, repeating the same thing that happens every time I write about Harry.

"I see the look in your eye and I'm biting my tongue.. you'll be the love of my life when I was young. When the night is over... don't call me up I'm already under.."

"I get a little bit alone sometimes and I miss you again.. you'll be the love of my life inside my head. When the night is over.. don't call me up I'm already under.."

-

Fuck me.

I completely forgot about all of that. The person who I sold this to changed the lyrics a lot, but it still struck something inside me.

"Fuck!" I shout, slamming my hand on my steering wheel.

And then I completely gave up.

I just let everything come out. A strangled sob leaving my throat as I press my forehead against the steering wheel, trying to control my breathing.

I've never hated myself more that I do right now.

I stay like that for a while until I recompose myself, for the most part. I need to pick up styles so I can complain to him about everything and then cuddle him while I cry.