Does It Matter?

Chapter 39

Dara had been drifting in and out of sleep since Maric had knocked on the door, so he was a little more prepared to be awake when another knock came about an hour later.

Brayan stepped into the room, a tray of food in one hand and a lantern held up in the other. "Time to eat."

Bug was still deep in sleep, so Dara shook his shoulder gently until he woke. "Bug. Food."

Brayan set the tray and the lantern down on a small table and went to light the fireplace. "Mathers said you should both be fine with solids at this point, but there's some soup there as well. He doesn't think Bug is severely underweight enough for eating too much to put him at actual risk, but will likely throw up if he overdoes it so make sure he moderates himself."

Bug sat up and self consciously combed his hair back into order with his fingers. "Would you like to stay and eat with us, sir?"

"I've already eaten," Brayan said as he stood up from the now burning fire.

As soon as Brayan had left the room, Bug flopped down and let out a long sigh. "I feel he does not like me as much as I like him."

"I can't comment on comparative degrees, but I think he cares for you."

"Mm. Sometimes I feel like he does, and then he pushes me away again."

"Perhaps he's simply trying to be professional?"

Bug made a face. "I don't want professional. I want him."

"I know."

"It wouldn't be illegal for him to be with me now. That was the reason he gave for turning me down last time. Do you think if I offered myself to him again, he would accept?"

Dara hesitated. "That was also the reason he gave me for turning you down when he told me about it, though I'm not sure that was truly the only reason he abstained. You're fragile, Bug. He would hurt you."

"I have scarring. There'll always be pain. I'm willing to suffer it in the moment if he'll hold me in his arms afterwards."

"That's not how things should be, Bug."

"It's the only way they can be for me now."

Dara placed a hand on his shoulder. "No, Bug. Listen... I can fix the scarring. I think I can, anyway. But, if I do that for you, I want you to promise me that you won't let him hurt you. That if he does something that scares you or causes you pain, you will tell him and ask him to stop."

"You would do that for me?"

"I will, if you make me that promise."

Bug sat up, his head nodding rapidly. "I will. I promise."

"Do you swear it?" Dara asked, switching into Eulan.

Bug nodded again, more solemnly this time. "I swear it."

"Well, okay then," Dara said. "There's a slab of butter Brayan brought up with dinner that we could make do with, if you don't mind. I could ask for something more suitable, but..."

"Do you think the prince might disapprove of you doing this for me if he found out?"

"I don't know," Dara admitted. "He owns me, but I don't think either of us wants that to dictate how we conduct ourselves. Technically I shouldn't be offering to do this for you at all. I should be asking him if I may."

Bug dropped his gaze. "I wouldn't want to get you in trouble with him."

"No, it's not like that. And like I said, we don't want it to be like that. I'm not trying to go behind his back in doing this, but I do have to be a bit discrete because, well. It reflects poorly on him if others see me disregarding his authority."