Does It Matter?

Chapter 43

Bug woke in darkness to the sound of rain outside. Brayan's arm was around him and his back was pressed against Brayan's chest. Bug could still feel the gentle ache in his body, the slight stickiness to remind him of what had happened earlier in the night.

He recognised this moment, of course. He had lived through it a thousand times and he knew what came next. The pendant moved against his chest as he started to roll over.

"Buagh?" Brayan said, his voice rough from sleep, and then Bug was facing him in the darkness and there was no dream to wake up from. He wasn't surprised, but he was relieved.

"This was it," Bug whispered into the darkness. "This moment. This was the dream I kept having, over and over again."

"Oh." Brayan was silent for a long moment. "I'm so sorry."

"Why are you sorry?"

"I imagine this — me — wasn't quite what you were expecting. I won't be insulted if you're disappointed."

"Why would I be disappointed? You saved my life twice and you took care of me when I was recovering. You're a good man."

Brayan sat up and let out a sigh. "Bug, you told me that you used to call the man in your dream your husband. That isn't what this is. It isn't anywhere close. I don't think I'm being hurtful in saying this — it's just a clear fact. You were deceived. You should be upset by that."

Bug reached up and touched Brayan's arm. "I'm not."

Brayan looked at Bug's hand on his arm for a long moment and then down at his face. "Why?"

"I knew it was you. From the moment I first heard your voice..." Bug shook his head. "Not consciously. At least not at first. And even once I did sort of realise, I didn't dare hope. But I knew. I've heard your voice in my dreams so many times. Of course I knew. I wanted to get closer to you, and now we're here. I'm not disappointed, Brayan."

"Hmm," Brayan said after a long moment of silence. He was quiet again for another minute, then he got out of bed, lit a lantern, and started to dress.

Bug pulled the blankets up around himself. "Are you leaving?"

"Mm," Brayan said as he briskly did up the buttons on his shirt.

"Oh," Bug said.

Brayan paused on the last button and looked at Bug. "I just need to think. I can't have a conversation about this until I've thought about it properly and I have it sorted out in my own mind."

"I understand. I didn't expect..." He paused. "Anything, really."

"That's the problem, Bug." Brayan collected his sword from next to the bed and watched Bug as he strapped it at his hip. He hesitated after he was done, and then he finally bent down and planted a kiss on Bug's forehead.

He turned and left the room without another word.

#

Brayan didn't know how he felt about what he had just done or about what Bug had told him or about any of the events of that night, really. He had laid awake for a long time after Bug had fallen asleep, telling himself that it was just sex, that it didn't change a single thing. He had just about convinced himself of it, but then Bug had told him that...

Thayne and Mathers were guarding the stairs, and Brayan could tell from the look that passed between them that they knew Bug had spent the night in his room. He lifted his eyebrows at them slightly as he approached, daring them to comment. He wasn't in the mood.

They nodded an acknowledgement but kept their mouths shut.

"I'll be outside if anyone needs me," Brayan said as he passed them.

"You're going outside at this hour?" Thayne asked. "In the rain?"

"If Maric asks, or if anyone needs me, that's where I'll be," Brayan said, and then he continued down the stairs before they could question him any further. He walked through the tavern and out through the front door.

It was raining outside, but it wasn't very heavy. In a way it was nice. The cold drops against his skin woke him up, grounded him. He headed over to the stables. He considered going inside and sitting with the horses, but he decided against it. He wanted to be truly alone. He found a spot where he could climb the side of the stables instead and he sat down on the edge of the roof, looking out over the woods.

He had a lot to think about.

#

It was light out by the time Maric woke up, his body as tangled with Dara's as it was with the bedsheets. He could still taste a hint of Dara in his mouth from last night. If he could wake up like this every morning, he would be a very happy man. There was no treasure in this world that could compare to this feeling.

"Good morning," Maric murmured when he felt Dara stir.

"Mm," Dara said as he stretched out, pressing himself closer against Maric.

Maric wrapped an arm around Dara's back and breathed in the smell of his hair. He hoped one day they could take a week or two just for themselves where they could sleep in and explore one another's bodies at leisure.

But that was not right now, unfortunately. Maric reluctantly extracted himself from Dara's arms, wrapped a sheet around his waist, and went to see about asking someone to bring them some breakfast.

Thayne and Mathers were on guard, and by the way they looked at one another and then at him he could tell they had something to say.

"Brayan is outside, sir," Mathers said. "He went outside an hour or so ago. In the rain."

It had stopped raining now, but Maric could still smell it on the air. "To do what?"

Mathers shook his head. "He wouldn't say. Bug stayed with him last night, though..."

"I was aware," Maric said. How could he not be? His room was right next to Brayan's. "I'll get dressed and go and speak with him. Please have breakfast brought up to my room."

"Yes, sir," the two men said in unison.

Maric returned to his room and let out a sigh as he sat down on the bed. "Well, apparently Brayan headed outside in the rain early this morning and hasn't come back in yet. I'm not sure what that says about what happened last night."

Dara made a face. "I hope he didn't hurt Bug — physically or emotionally. Though, I'm not sure it would be entirely his fault if he did the latter. Brayan may simply not be interested in giving Bug what he's truly after."

"What is it that he's truly after?"

"I don't know," Dara admitted. "More than sex, though. I'm certain of that much. After everything he's been through and the condition he's in, I can't imagine his libido is what's driving him."

"Well, whatever's going on, I'll need to go and speak with Brayan," Maric said as he stood from the bed and began to get dressed.

Dara nodded and got up as well. He looked beautiful standing there in the morning light, comfortable and relaxed in his nudity. "I'll speak to Bug. Make sure he's okay as well."

"Yes, good idea. He's in a fragile condition, both physically and mentally. I trust Brayan, of course, but..."

"Trusting him to not intentionally hurt Bug and trusting him to have the skills to successfully navigate that situation are two different things."

"Very different," Maric agreed as he buttoned up his shirt. Finally dressed, Maric pulled Dara to him and pressed a kiss to the side of his face. "Hopefully there are no major dramas, but feel free to eat breakfast without me if I'm gone too long."

Dara smiled and leant into him. "I'll wait."

Maric pressed a few more kisses to the side of Dara's face, rapid fire, before finally releasing him. "Okay. Time to go and deal with whatever this situation is."