Crossing Boundaries

Chapter 6

Arrowan

When I was sixteen, my bond developed. At first it was just an inkling, the vague sense that I was grasping for something that was just out of reach. From the moment I realized what was happening, I was terrified. I already knew the person on the other end was Seelie, and even though I wasn't yet grown, I knew the ramifications of that. If I felt him in Alterra, it meant he had chosen his people over his bond mate. The Seelie worked different than we did – less viciously, not demanding the lives of those who chose to pursue a forbidden bond, but still brutal in their own way. They kicked their children out early, forcing a choice on them before they could fully comprehend everything they were giving up.

And this was a decision where either choice meant huge loss.

I wasn't sure, as I anxiously waited for the bond to anchor between us, whether I hoped he would be in Alterra or on Earth. If he was in Alterra, he had doomed us both, but the path ahead of me would be far easier and safer – and he would be safer, too. If he was on Earth, it meant hope, struggle, and peril. We would always be in danger, he and I, from the time I went to him. If I, at age sixteen, wasn't completely prepared to face that future, I thought it was forgivable.

That bond sense strengthened over just a couple of days until my soul wasn't reaching for his; they were anchored together. The tether felt unbreakable, though of course I knew some people ripped it out of themselves at great personal cost. And from the day my bond was developed, the person at the other end had already been in the human realm. When I realized that, a potent combination of relief and terror dominated me and I had my first panic attack. It took several months before I could feel the stretch of the bond between realms without being thrown into that headspace, but it did get easier to claw myself back out.

Once I came to terms with the path my life would take - because if he was willing to walk away from his life for me, I was going to do everything I could to make it to him - it was hard to get past the guilt of knowing that someone was waiting for me and I was in no position to go to him anytime soon. Even as the years dragged on, the guilt persisted until it felt like it had always been a part of me.

And now, as the hours somehow both sped and dragged on while I waited to find out of my bond would reconnect or if it was gone, the guilt ate away at me just as ravenously as it had done when I was sixteen. Did I even deserve my bond back? If it was truly gone, would my bond mate have some semblance of a happy life?

I tried to remember the exact time it had disappeared, but of course I hadn't checked the time so I knew only that it was within a couple hours of noon. I held it together – for the most part – throughout the morning, but once noon hit, I wrapped myself up in a quilt, curled into the corner of my couch, and watched the hand on my clock move. Every minute that passed felt like a death knoll, and by the time an hour had passed, I more or less gave up hope.

More because I stopped really believing I could be so lucky.

Less because even then I couldn't convince myself to rip my attention away from the clock.

And then, in the awful void in my soul, came a spark of awareness. Just a little at first. A warmth, a sense of not being quite so alone. A hint of that familiar stretching feeling as the most vital core of my being strained to reach out for the person who would complete me.

My bond.

I had already been curled up as much into myself as I was capable of, but now I twisted so my face was pressed up against my knees as great, heaving sobs wracked my chest and large, hot tears ran down my cheeks and into the fabric of my pants and quilt. I cried so hard, it became almost impossible to catch my breath and I feared the panic attacks of my teenage years were making a return. Between sobs, I gasped in air until I had cried myself out, and by that time, my bond was fully back. It felt just as much a part of me as ever, just as bright and strong and vital. I clung to it with every ounce of my awareness, funneling my magic into it as I tried to detect any change, but it was perfect. It was everything.