Crossing Boundaries

Chapter 34

Luin

In the morning, I woke up sticky and aching.

It seemed a fair price to pay for Arrowan and I had shared last night, so it didn't bother me too much... but I did really want a shower.

It was also annoying that I had woken up earlier than Arrowan. He didn't appreciate sleep quite to the same degree I did, which was just short of worship some days, but here he was dozing peacefully while I stared up at the stupid texturing on the ceiling. Why did they put it there? Was it really so gauche to have a flat, white ceiling?

Wondering about the ceiling bought me maybe an extra minute of lying in bed before I was itching to get up, but I wanted to get up with Arrowan. I tried shifting around in the bed, hoping that might indirectly wake him up, but he didn't stir. I pulled the blankets down lower – maybe the cold would wake him? – but still, nothing. I sighed out loud and laid down again, resigning myself to staring at the ceiling for awhile longer. A trickle of amusement came through the bond and I looked to Arrowan to find him pressing his hand to his mouth, trying to keep back laugher.

"How long have you been awake?" I demanded ungraciously.

"Aw, don't be upset. I haven't been awake that long." He grabbed me and pulled me against him, but I was definitely too gross to cuddle right now. We hadn't bothered to clean ourselves last night; somehow, the afterglow of our intimacy had completely shut down the part of my brain that cared about such things. Now, in the pure light of morning, I regretted it.

I squirmed out of Arrowan's arms and headed for the shower, though I did leave the door open as an invitation, one which Arrowan accepted.

We stood under the warm spray of water together and Arrowan rested his hands on my waist. "I've been thinking," he said.

"About?"

"Do you think your friend would sell us this house?"

I gaped at him, wondering what trains of thought he had taken to wind up there. "Um, I don't know. Why?"

"I want an established home for us, and even though anywhere would feel like home if I had you there with me, I like this place. There are good memories here, and it's close to your friends," he explained.

Everything Arrowan was saying was sweet and lovely, but for some reason, I didn't like the idea of staying here long-term. I washed my hair and tried to figure out why I felt that way. If this wasn't where I wanted to settle down, why? What was it missing?

My heart ached when I figured out the answer. It was missing my family – my blood family, not my found family here. If Arrowan had asked me to think about buying this house yesterday, I would have probably loved the idea and called Lachlan right away. Now, however, I didn't want to commit to living here long-term. Not after learning about Faerie and the work fae like us were doing to sway the outcome of the war.

I didn't know what our odds of success in the war effort were, but what if we were able to change the outcome? What if we were able to smooth relations between Seelie and Unseelie, and convince Alterran fae to pardon the Earth-dwelling ones like myself and Arrowan? It might be a small chance, but it was a real one.

I washed myself, turning away and using the habitual motions of showering as an excuse to collect my thoughts. I wasn't making decisions just for myself anymore. If it were just me, I would go to Faerie this morning and sign up to help Elaina and her team with the war effort. It wasn't just me, though. I had to think of Arrowan, too. No way would he let me go off without him. Sure, following along would be his choice... but if I knew that's what he would decide, whether he liked it or not, wasn't I responsible too? If I really loved him – and I did – I needed to think about how my actions affected him.