Crossing Boundaries

Chapter 37

Luin

I woke up to an e-mail from the hospital saying that we were expected to report back tomorrow morning, and to continue our work at the hospital until the Alterran war was over. It contained no hint of censure, but I still felt my stomach churn with guilt. Arrowan stirred and blinked awake, and I seriously wondered whether the force of my guilt through our bond had woken him up.

"Sorry," I whispered. I wanted to burrow under the blankets in shame. I wanted to tell Arrowan to go back to the hospital and get back to work without me, but just as much, I selfishly wanted him here with me.

His eyes were full of compassion and warmth, and I didn't feel like I deserved either. "Hey, stop that. Everyone else takes off at least a day every week. I think we can take one day, five weeks in. It's going to be okay."

I might have believed him, if I couldn't feel his own worries through our bond.

Arrowan kissed my head and sighed. "Why don't you take a hot shower while I make us some breakfast?"

He knew I'd been dreaming of our shower since we left here. The ones at the hospital had terrible water pressure, spluttered, and could barely make it past lukewarm in temperature. I still wanted to hide myself away, but the idea of a shower was enough to have me climbing out of the bed.

I moved mechanically to the closet and stood staring at my clothes. I had been wearing the same few stained outfits for so long, the idea of getting to choose new, unsoiled clothes was strangely overwhelming. It was hard to focus on anything at all anymore, since I spent so much mental energy shoving back memories of the past month. Arrowan reached over my shoulder and pulled out a deep purple button-down.

"This one," he said. I raised a brow at him and he shrugged. "It looks good on you."

I smiled gratefully and took the shirt, then grabbed a pair of matching trousers. Arrowan kissed my forehead and headed to the kitchen. I went for a shower, and food was ready by the time I was finished. Sitting at our table with a lovely breakfast in front of me and wearing my own crisp, clean clothes had me feeling more like myself than I had since all of this started.

We were just sitting down to eat when the wards flashed and the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," Arrowan said.

I nodded, gratefully accepting that he was babying me a little this morning. I was still exhausted from being almost constantly on the clock for so long, and I dreaded going back tomorrow before we really had a chance to recover. We would find out whether our leaving had caused any fatalities, which only made me dread returning even more. I would be happier never knowing.

A burst of emotion flowed through our bond from Arrowan before he shut it down. Shock? Excitement? Whatever it was, the feeling was completely out of place. It seemed foreign after the bloody, grueling slog that had become our lives.

"Luin?" Arrowan called. "Could you come here for a minute?"

His tone sounded strange, too. I set down my fork and hurried to the living room. I didn't even take the time to use a napkin, instead swiping the back of my hand over my mouth as I walked. I was still chewing my last bite of the breakfast sandwich Arrowan had made me when I walked into the living room, and I almost choked on it when I looked to the open doorway.

"Mom!"

She didn't look like the picture I had in my head of her, but this was unmistakably my mother. She was a little heavier than when I was growing up and her once-dark hair was threaded through with silver. Her cheeks were rosier, or maybe that was just from the tears that were already flowing down them. She was aged, I thought, and not just physically; there was something in her eyes, too. No, she didn't look like I remembered... but she looked perfect.