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Universe/Fandom: Original
Name: Aoi
Nicknames: None
Gender: Cis female
Age: Appears to be 5, has been alive for about 50 years.
Species: A doll with robotic parts
Height: 11 inches
Ethnicity: None, she's a doll
Nationality: None, she's a doll
Sexual Orientation: Asexual
Occupation: Starts as a spy for her team, ends as one of three rulers for another
Family: None
Appearance:
She wears a green dress and boots with her black hair How long is her hair? tied up behind her. How is her hair tied? She has pale skin and large brown eyes
For one part of the story *, she wears a ripped dark green dress and running shoes, *no comma and has her hair down.
I get that she's a doll but I think you should elaborate. What kind of dress is she wearing? A wrap dress? A Victorian-styled dress? A kimono? What kind of boots? Doc Martens? Winter boots? Does she have a nose and/or lips? What are her proportions like? Is she built more childishly or more matured? Does she have a comically skinny body? A fairly realistic one? A chubbier one? Give me a clearer vision of what she looks like.
Personality: She's kind to people on her current team, and will do what's possible to keep them safe. Aoi is brave and has a lot of energy, but is also sarcastic.
This is not enough. Personalities should be more detailed than this. Mention aspects like intelligence, morals, alertness, empathy, flexibility, willpower, humbleness, priorities, maturity, patience, sociability, spontaneity, self-control, neuroticism, ego, greed etc.
There are also not enough weaknesses. A character without any weaknesses is automatically a bad one. Without weaknesses, a character is boring and uninteresting.
Backstory: Aoi was a doll created to sing songs and watch over children- Like she was a security camera for parents. Eventually *, she was sold to a wealthy family, along with other toys. When the other toys invited her to join their team, she accepted and became a spy. Sentient dolls? Nice. Years later our protagonist is born and raised in the house Aoi was in. She and two other spies were sent to stalk the boy.
Why do the dolls spy on their owners? Do they form an emotional attachment to them? Does something bad happen to the dolls if the owner is harmed? There's got to be an explanation as to why the dolls put themselves through all this.
Talents/Skills: Aoi's a good climber and singer (She was programmed to be), she also wont *won't lose her targets easily.
Weaknesses: She has sensitive eyes. What are her eyes sensitive to? Aoi also cant can't actually hurt people without weapons, which she prefers not to use.
These are barely weaknesses. I can't see them having much effect. Weaknesses are important because they balance the character out. They make a character interesting.
Fears: Too much light, weapons (mostly guns), monsters, and pain.
Try adding a more consequential fear. Maybe one that disturbs her everyday life, causes distress in her missions, moves the plot forwards etc.
Likes: The team she created, her friends (That's like two, maybe three), the dark, and small rooms
Dislikes: Her fears + weaknesses, This is redundant. humans, large empty areas, the protagonist (who's a human)
Likes and dislikes are a great place for subtle and memorable characterization. Give her more obscure, distinct, specific likes/dislikes.
Hobbies: Stalking humans, chatting with her friends, annoying other toys
Again, hobbies are very telling of personality and are a great way to further characterize. These hobbies are bland and say very little about her. Give her some obscure, unique hobby that says a lot about her personality. Ex: Jump rope, cleaning, collecting beads etc.
Trivia: Aoi, like all other toys, can't die due to never actually being alive.
Fashion Style: Girly
That barely gives me an idea of what she likes to wear. Give me a clearer idea of what kind of clothes she likes and dislikes. Include detail about specific pieces, colours, silhouettes, patterns, inspiration etc.
Spoken Languages: She can sing in all languages, but doesn't understand the words so mostly just English
Residence: The mansion owned by the protagonist's parents, mostly the basement
Love Life: Falls in love with another spy on the team but is currently asexual, here's who they are:
She's another doll named Charlie, *no comma and looks like Aoi but with short brown hair and a blue dress. She's strict but caring and wants what's best. The story starts with them being best friends and ends with them being lovers
Other: Aoi hints that they were actually alive at one point but she stays vague and it's never talked about again. She also was in a corrupted version of herself so the protagonist ignores it
Medium: A wattpad book
Total:
2/10
I like the concept of the story enough but this bio is only 448 words long. That is nowhere near how detailed it should be. Detail is crucial because it helps audiences understand your vision of the character. Without it, the audience is left bored and uninterested. There's barely any interesting characterization and I can't get a grasp on what she's supposed to be like. She's only a husk of a character. Add waayyy~ more detail and further flesh her out. Good characters aren't created overnight. They require time and care with tweaks here and there. I think you need to spend more time on your character.
Inherently, she is also bland. Detail is a huge part of making a character interesting. With more detail this will definitely get better but you also need to go beyond that. Give her something that sets her apart from other characters. Whether it be unique/eye-catching character design, relatable/complicated personality, obscure quirks etc. Try to bring something new to the table that is memorable.
Lastly, weaknesses. There weren't really any effective weaknesses incorporated into Aoi. She has too many positive traits in ratio to negative ones. Having a character be too perfect dehumanizes them and makes them feel more like products than actual characters.
