⤿ Cheesecake

883 11 5
                                    

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭 The-Novel-Author 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐤𝐞.

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭 The-Novel-Author 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐤𝐞

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃ ▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

Universe/Fandom: Original

Name: Elysian Diana Hades

Is this normal in her universe? Because if it is this should be fine but if she's the only one in her universe with an extravagant name like this that would make her too much of a "special snowflake" 

Alias(s): Goes by "Desiree Kelly" when on missions

Is there a reason for this? How did she get this name?

Gender: Cisgender female

Age: 17

Date of Birth: Fifteenth Day Of The Second Summer Cycle (This is equivalent to July Fifteenth)

Nationality: North Region of Estaira

Sexual Orientation: Closeted Bisexual & Homoromantic

ooOh inchresting

Appearance: Elysian has long, rich dark brown colored hair. It is thick, wavy and reaches her lower back when left loose. Her bangs are nonexistent. Elysian typically wears her hair in a half up and half down bun style. She has amber colored round almond shaped eyes with thick eyelashes and thin eyebrows. Her face shape is heart and she has a small nose, semi plump lips, and high cheekbones. Elysian's skin is a pale olive tone and tans very easily. She has a few moles dotting her arms and legs as well. Her body type is an hourglass figure. Elysian is 5'8 and a ½ and she weighs around 140 pounds.

She seems like your average teenage girl but I would like more detail and flaws. From what I've just read it seems like she's a rather conventionally attractive girl. It would make her a more personable character if she had a few physical flaws. Maybe she could have acne, large ears or stretch marks. Something to make her less of a typical YA protagonist, but I like that you gave her a healthy BMI. 

I would also prefer it if there was more detail. This is a basic rundown on what she looks like but I want to know more. How much muscle does she have? What's her posture like? What are her expressions like? What's her body language style? How would her aura be most commonly perceived by others? Give me even more detail on how she presents herself.

Personality: Elysian is a very loud and outgoing person. She is optimistic yet is an ambivert. She has her moments of nervousness and panic attacks. Elysian does have a temper that shows itself pretty often. She has a rebellious attitude and doesn't like following the rules. She has a soft spot for children and animals. She is kind as well as. Elysian is also honest and loyal. She would do anything for those she cares for, even if it is dangerous. Elysian does have insecurities and will get nervous and have panic attacks.

This only tells about the most exterior parts of her personality. Add in more detail and traits. Tell me about her morals, does she think before she acts? How smart is she? How does she react to pressure? Get into the deepest layers of who she is. So far I only know that she's basically a human personification of a golden retriever.

Fashion Style: red "badass" or "edgy". She normally wears simple crop tops, leather jackets, and jeans. She also wears leather gloves and ankle boots.

This part is pretty minimal but you explained it clearly so I won't dock points.

Family: Elysian has a small family, it's just her, her younger brother, and her parents.

• Naomi Hades is her mother. Elysian doesn't get along that well. Elysian may have chosen to remain a death maiden like her mother, but Elysian wants to be a peace maiden, while Naomi wants to be an assassin. Naomi still loves her daughter though and Elysian is the same.

• Daimon Hades is Elysian's father. Daimon is very secluded and keeps to himself. He doesn't really approve of his wife and daughter's destiny, but supports them anyways. He and Elysian do give each other a small bit of love.

• Jacob Hades is Elysian's younger brother. Jacob and Elysian love each other. They hang out all the time and used to be practically inseparable. Though, they haven't seen each other since he went away to boarding school and Elysian became a Death Maiden.

Okay, this is the typical YA dystopian protagonist family dynamic. It's pretty common but I don't really have complaints about it. It's pretty easy to write family dynamics like this and can make for good character development.

Friends: Elysian has a few friends. Those she has aren't very close. She doesn't really have time to make friends and her mother always made sure that she was ready for her destiny.

Okie~

• Celesta Damions is the oldest friend that Elysian has made. They get along fairly well and have been friends for seven years. Celesta and Elysian try to keep in touch when they can.

• Ava Serenity is another friend of Elysian, they aren't as close as Celesta and Elysian are, but they still enjoy each other's company. They keep in touch less then with Celesta, but still try to talk.

• Lillya Kane is a rather new friend of Elysian, they are both Death Maidens and often pair up for more difficult or dangerous missions. They are more well-known acquaintances, but they have an alright relationship.

These are pretty normal friendships. I wish you could expand a bit more on the dynamics though. I want to know how they act around each other and what they usually do together. I want to know how the personalities play off each other.

Total: 

5/10

I can tell you have the potential to make a really good story but Elysian can use some work.

First of all detail. What you submitted doesn't have much information or detail and I don't really have a solid grasp of what your character is like. Give me more about what she's like. Small things can add up and establish a good sense of what an individual is like. Tell me her backstory, talents, weaknesses, fears, likes/dislikes, hobbies, habits etc. It wouldn't hurt if you included her species and/or ethnicity either. Just include more information on her overall.

Also, I noticed you used quite a few ubiquitous YA elements. Try to incorporate some quirks into her. She's not a total cookie-cutter character since there are one or two eye-catching details about her but she isn't the most memorable character overall. 

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃ ▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

𝐖𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐥! 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧!

RESTAURANT ♡ oc reviewsWhere stories live. Discover now