happy pill

rereading

rereading what I write

is like reading the words of a stranger

I don't know her

I am her

I am who am

the god of my brain

with no self-control

what

so

ever

and it makes the acids in my stomach sour

the back of my mouth closes

it's hard to swallow

labored breathing

labor pains

as I realize who I am

my chest swells

too tight

I am drowning

in blankets

I can't swallow

breathe in

not enough comes out

acid burns

turning

like tiny tidal waves

rolling

over dead

how could I have ever felt this way?

I don't understand people

who feel the need to find themselves

who am I?

I've always known

never looked

I don't know

how did I ever feel

the way I felt yesterday?

how did I ever feel

the way I felt tomorrow?

could I ever have been

so sad

really

when I feel so happy now?

but that happiness

is really relief

I better believe it now