In Which I Lose My Mind (Chandeliers? Seriously?!?)

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Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.
~Anonynous~
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She doesn't know when she first realized it. The empty feeling inside her. Once she focused on it, it was almost impossible to believe she had never felt it before.

The only thing akin to it was space.

It was a void, pure darkness blocking out the light. Unlike space, there were no stars, no sun. Just the sweeping darkness overtaking her.

It pressed down on her, making it hard to breathe. She didn't feel like she could get any air; she was drowning, suffocating, maybe even—

And yet.

She still woke up each day, went to school, laughed, and lived. She may feel dead inside, but no one knew.

Yes, that's it. No one knew.

Not her best friend who claimed to know her better than she knew herself. Not her parents who raised her, who brought her into this world. Not the babbling sycophants who begged at her feet.

She was utterly alone, even when surrounded by crowds of people.

After her realization, she expected something to change. Maybe her relationships would stop feeling so meaningless, maybe everything would get better.

Nothing did. Nothing changed.

While she may have had her eyes opened, the people around her still kept their rose-tinted worldview. Ignoring the things they didn't want to exist and focusing only on the good.

(If good meant whatever they liked.)

She didn't take notice of him at first. He was just another faceless nobody in the entire sea of them that she passed every day. But then he smiled.

And it sounds so stupid for one simple smile to change her entire life. But it did. He did.

Because in a world where people only smiled at her to keep her happy, to hide their real thoughts, to lie. In that kind of world, well, a genuine smile was more than worth its weight in gold.

She casually asked her friends about him, the one who went through her life unnoticed. She'd have never found him if not for that brief glimpse of his smile.

They looked at her confused, why would she want to know about him?

Nevertheless, they answered her. They told her the stories that floated around about him. They told her what he was like.

It wasn't enough. But the chance she had slipped from in between her fingers, and she didn't even know it.

He had been the air she needed to breathe in the vacuum of space. He had stopped her suffocating, prevented her from drowning, made her really live—

All from afar.

His smile was what she lived for. The secret moments where he thought he was by himself and would let out a loud laugh, unashamed and boisterous. His nose would scrunch up, his eyes would sparkle.

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