Tears

Sunday

Not now. I think to myself.

My bike is so old, I've been asking my dad for a new bike since I was around 9, and I'm 13.

I try to peddle, but it's jammed. My dad is still ahead of me, I hold tight on my towel that's covering my body. 
I try to peddle backwards then forward and then the chain starts to move again.

I sigh in relief and continue biking. A part of me was worried my dad would get mad at me if my bike continued to be jammed.

We reach under a bridge with a family of 5, covering themselves perfectly with white towels.

2 homeless people laugh with each other.

And then I spot my brother. Oh good, he's okay.

I step off my bike, feeling pebbles and dirt on my swimsuit mush at the sudden movement. I must look hideous. 
My hair is wet inside my helmet with hair sticking out at the corners.

My dad walks toward Simon.

"Why did you go?" he asks through clenched teeth. Simon tries to answer, but I can see he's terrified.
"I kept yelling your name!" he says louder, causing a few heads to turn.

"I didn't hear you," he answers looking everywhere but him.

"Of course you couldn't! You were in your own kookoo land!" dad states, "My Gosh! I want to slap you right now," he half whispers the last part.
"I said,'we'll go straight, there's a tunnel there',"

When did he say that? 

Frustrated, he keeps saying, "We'll go straight to the left. And you went without a care in the world. You think you're so smart and smarter than me. You just left not even caring what was happening with Mina and me,"

That's not true, Simon is the most caring boy I know. -I think to myself.

"I didn't leave you, I thought you told me to go to the tunnel, you know the one we usually go to," Simon manages to say, his voice small.

The 2 homeless people next to me, start to stumble back towards me and I move closer to Simon. Looking into his eyes, to see if he's okay but I can't tell, my eyes scream for an answer but he looks blank.

"Come over here," my dad tells me. I look away from Simon and move my bike towards my dad. Right next to him is a man crouched over his brown dog, petting it. I must look like a mess, with dirt on my bare legs. I think as the dog turned his head, staring at me.

"Okay, let's go," our dad tells us as the rain turns to a small drizzle. I walk my bike to the end of under the bridge. Simon on his bike, he starts to peddle forward.
"Do you know where you're going?" my dad asks Simon, knowing well he doesn't. 
Simon shakes his head. 
"Exactly, this is the 2nd time," My dad counts out. "Go to the right,"

The ride home is practically silent. Simon in front of me, I can see the unsteadiness in his tense body, but he looks calm all the while. I don't know how he does it, he's so brave.

Big puddles cover the road. 
As we reach the end of the path, my dad asks me, "Are you okay?"

"Ya, just cold," I say, shattering my teeth.

"Ya..me too," he answers.

I want to say,'I thought you never get cold'  but I know its not the right time for jokes.

My dad bikes to the right side of me, making a small performance of his bike skills.

"We'll take a warm bath when we get home," he suggests with a smile.

"Ya." I smile back. His beautiful blue eyes shine brighter with water hitting them. His wet hair drops water onto his face, making him look less scary and more beautiful. This is how I like him- I think to myself- growing more calm. But sadness forms in my smile as I look away, thinking about how fast these good moments leave us.

"And hot chocolate," he suggests.

"Ya." I smile with him again.

When we arrive at our back door, we go to the basement to put our bikes away. Simon and I enter first in our apartment's storage room full of bikes and boxes of our neighbors. My dad climbs off his bike, outside of the basement.

"Are you okay?" I whisper as we set our bikes aside.

"Ya..." Simon answers. I look at him in his eyes,

"Were you scared?" I wish I could hug him right now, but I know if our dad sees us, he'll get more mad. He nods his head. "It's okay," I tell him.

We put our bikes away and walk the back stairs to our porch. Our dad walks behind us. Now on our small porch, our dad reaches the door and he says," Simon come here,"

Oh no!- I think-

"Do you know why I'm mad at you?"

"Ya... because I left going to the wrong tunnel," Simon answers.

"Not only that but because you abandoned us. Not caring what was going on. You just left." my dad states.

"I'm sorry," Simon answers.

"I still love you. Come here." he opens his arms and Simon enters with his face looking down. I smile, knowing 'all is well'. They break apart and dad opens the door.

He clears his throat trying to speak, "I lost my voice yelling at you," he says entering the kitchen which is the first room from the backdoor.

When Simon is in the shower, dad and I are in the kitchen.

"I got really mad," my dad chuckles. 

"I've seen worse," I say, walking to the door of my room.

"When?" he asks, causing me to stop my plan to walk in my room. I look at him.

"Um... I don't know... I can't think of anything now," I say walking backwards toward the door.

"Ya. It's just that he left. Not being responsible for his family. He has to care for the family and see if everyone is safe..and he just...left," he says, continuing to remind himself of the past experience, he usually does this a lot, bringing up bad memories. He drags his fingers through his hair as he finishes.

Are you sure you're not talking about yourself?

I think to myself.