The Book That Shall Not Be Named For The Sake Of Humanity

Chapter Two - The Best Day in the History of History

Please say no, please say no, please say no! I had a moment of silent bliss before Blaine broke into tears again. Thankfully, we were close to a supermarket. I don't want to be inside the car when Blaine crashes it. Moreover, I don't plan on going back to the hospital for a very long time.

I keep my mouth shut until he decides to speak. I've been told that I do the world a favour by doing so. He faces me after he parks the car.

'I don't know. D-do you think we should?' He asks.

'Uh, yes.'

'Oh, t-thank god. Y-yes, yes we're done.'

'One more question. Why didn't you just call the police.'

He makes a funny face – one of a few thousand he is capable of. I was no expert in facial expressions – even my smile looked faker than fake Nikes bearing the Adidas logo, but he didn't have to tell me. I think I know.

For the record, he was always terrified of me, despite also being head over heels in "love". It's been a month we've been together, and he was nice enough to offer a place for me to stay when pests decided to kick me out of my own humble abode. I could have stayed elsewhere, instead of with a man-baby, but I badly wanted him to have a reason to man-up and put an end to this thing we called a relationship.

Sadly, he was an optimist, topping his list of worst qualities, and hoped to get me to actually accept him. I'm sure it wasn't because he tolerated me being a rapscallion to him.

'Understandable. Now stop crying. Get something delivered here, I'm hungry. I'll be back with crisps and bleach.'

'Wait, you're not going to talk about it?'

'I'm still thinking it over. You don't happen to know anyone at a zoo with underfed predators, do you?'

'No, I – I meant our relationship.'

'Ah. What about it? I thought we were done, no?'

'We are, but what are we now? Just strangers? Friends?'

Of course. The most awaited scene in all dramatic rom-coms: What are we now?. Why wouldn't there be one when I break up? I'm as romantic as a rotting dead blobfish.

'Well, one – we didn't have a proper relationship to begin with. Two - you've caught yourself the best darned guardian angel in the universe – me. I guess that makes us friends. Don't make me talk about this again.'

I step out of the car and I carefully make my way to the supermarket entrance.

Once I enter, I am stopped by an employee. 'Are you okay? What happened? Shall we call an ambulance?' I should have known that walking around with a blood-soaked shirt which was now missing the entire left sleeve for the convenience of surgery would raise questions. I look at my reflection on the glass door. The left side of my t-shirt is held up by only two stitches that makes up the border of the neck-hole.

Its no news that I dress like a homeless person with over-sized men's t-shirts I find while waiting for my brother to finish shopping in the men's isle. The thing is that I look like a homeless person who got into a squabble with another homeless person while fighting for the same garbage can to scavenge from. I'll leave what my hair looked like to your imagination.

'Oh, it was just a little accident, no biggie. I was just on my way from the hospital,' I say. I usually tend to ignore people who ask questions they have no business knowing the answers to. But this man deserves an explanation. My reflection deserves one too.

Blaine joins me, void of stray tears falling on his cheeks. I thought I told the fool to stay in the car.

'I'm sorry to hear about that. Would you like to have one of these?' he asks, pointing to an electric cart.