FATE

76. Lego Bricks

BROOKE

I tilt my head upward, staring out of the window at the plane wing. The wind buffets, the engine hums and I lean my back against the chair and close my eyes. The sound of muffled music comes from the headphones of the man sitting next to me. I think back to my goodbyes to Drew, Loki and Elena this morning. I'll miss them a lot and I can't wait to see Andrew in school again. Loki didn't let me return his iPod so I have something to remember him by. I wonder if I'll be able to go back to Seattle again just to see him but that only depends on what it's like between my mom and I.

Mom had cried at the airport, apologizing and telling me how much she'll miss me. I don't know if it's bad for me to say I wasn't moved by her tears. I wasn't moved by anything. I just wanted to leave. This must be the numb feeling Jonah writes so much about. How is it possible that i went from being scared of the things Jonah wrote to relating to them. I wish i could talk to him. He always made things better, in his special way.

I open my eyes and stare out the window again. the clouds are beautiful white, clotted wisps of air and beneath it, the land is outstretched, the houses look like little Lego bricks. I pick up Loki's iPod from my lap and plug in my earphones. Then I lean back and play the first song. It's a new one by Hozier that Loki added yesterday but it's not one of the songs Jonah played in the car. I wonder what Jonah's playlist is like. I imagine there are a lot of sad songs he could relate to. I would like to listen to some sad songs too but I don't think that would heal me the way Loki said music does.

I close my eyes and get lost.

 

 

As I step out of the airport, I stare at my phone. It's just two pm. A taxi stops in front of me and I give him the address of the apartment building before entering. Then I call Blake. He doesn't pick up. I guess he's working, but then he calls back.

"Blake?", I say into the phone.

"Where are you?", he asks.

"In a cab on the way to the apartment", I answer.

"Good, the key is with Frank in the lobby", he says in a tone of relief, "I'll try to be home early tonight. Do you want anything? We could go out for dinner"

"No, I'm fine", I say quickly, "let's just order pizza and watch a movie like we always do"

"Okay", he says, "see you tonight"

"Okay"

He drops the call.

I avoid the gaze of the cab driver and stare out of the car. The buildings are a hazy blur as we zoom down the road. I take a deep breath. It feels like home and it smells like home but being home hurts.

When I get to the apartment, I text Carmen to let her know I'm back. She wants me to come over to Hailee's house when they're back from therapy but I don't know if I'm ready to go to that neighborhood yet so I make up an excuse of needing rest. It doesn't feel like a lie though. I really need to sleep. I could hardly sleep the night before the flight because I was so nervous. I place the bag in one corner of the room and pull off my jacket. Without taking off my shoes, I fall on the bed and close my eyes.

Two hours later, my eyes flicker open and then I glance around the room. My room hasn't changed but it's stuffy so I stand and pull open the window blinds. The evening sun rays illuminate the room. I take a deep breath, inhaling the stuffy air. In the corner, Giant Nemo sits, unmoved. I walk towards him and hug him tight. He smells refreshing. I wonder if I can move him to the bed and sleep next to him tonight.

I take off my shoes and clothes for a shower next. As I stand in front of the bathroom, wrapped in my towel, I stare at my phone- it's been a while since I called him- a really long while.