Heavenly Sin[Boyxboy]

14 [Cotton Bryce]

A/N:
Double update as an apology for being a crappy writer. Sorry. xxx

***

Empty.

Empty is how I felt.

My heart was heavy with grief, my thoughts running wild, wondering where I was supposed to go from here. Christian had been my rock, he was the person that had raised me, took care of me. He was the person that had taught me how to be young, he taught how to lean on someone and he became my rock and savior and when the sickness had gotten to him, I learnt to be an adult for him. I learned how to survive because I wanted him to be okay, I learnt how to take care of another person but now he was gone and I was back at square one.

Void.

Void is how I felt. I couldn't see past my blurry eyes, I couldn't see anything at all. Who did I have? What did I have? Why was I still here? What was I supposed to live for?

Numb.

Numb is what I was as I stood in front of my mirror once again. In front of me was my image, only this time there wasn't lacy lingerie on my skin, an expensive wig on my head or ridiculously long heels suffocating my toes.

Today, I stood there staring at my body, staring at the obvious marks that stood bruised and proud on my pale skin. Marks that couldn't dissappear no matter how hard I scrubbed my skin in the shower. Marks that couldn't let me ignore that something had happened. Marks that couldn't allow me to forget.

I couldn't forget those eyes, the desire in them, the rough and tenderness in his hands, the hunger that consumed both of us and the passion. I couldn't forget any of it.

But I also couldn't forget the coldness that I woke up to, the messy sheets and empty bedside. The fear that had hit me when I woke up with an aching body, marked body and an empty bed. I couldn't forget the fear and shame I felt when I stood on my shaky legs and was greeted with a sight of my empty apartment, the only reminder of last night's actions being my sore bottom and aching muscles. Then I had found the tiny piece of paper I held in my grip, tightly like it would dissappear like the man that had wrote the message on it.

Good morning, love? I'm so sorry for taking advantage of you at your worst but I'm not sorry for enjoying myself and wanting to see you again. I wish I could stay and watch you wake up but duty calls so please call or text me on this number 3475317904.

I'm sorry again and I really hope I see you again. Good day!

I could utter the words without even peeping on the little piece of paper, they made butterflies assault my lower abdomen by just remembering them.

I couldn't help the reckless part of my brain that begged me to text him, to run into a rich man's arms and fall in love, get married and live happily ever after but I knew better than that so I fumbled the tiny paper and I threw it in the trash can. I had more important people to call.

***

Calling Sacha was easier than calling a boss who couldn't decide whether he was worried or angry at his employee. Sacha had fired a hundred questions, some that surprisingly contained Joshua but I had escaped those expertly but there was no way of escaping the wrath of my boss but he had relaxed when I had told him about my brother but he still told me to work that so I was now contemplating which effective way would cover the bruises on my neck, collarbone, stomach, thighs and ass; well, it was literally my whole body.

The marks didn't take a lot of effort to cover because I ended up wearing a skin tight jumpsuit which my boss didn't approve but he hugged me tight and told me how much he was sorry and I let him because it felt good to be hugged and told that everything would be okay.

The club did nothing ease the pain or calm my mind so I decided to hit Christian's post and he took care of me.

I didn't care that I had a perfomance, I just gulped shots after shots down, enough to walk up to my stage with a boldness that shined like my glistening skin, enough to sway with the music, feeling it vibrate with my nerves and I was loving every second of it.

The music was the same slow and sensual songs and I felt my body sway effortlessly to it, the bright colored lights intensified the drowsyness but I felt so good, so free.

My body spun and I staggered on my feet for a second but I caught myself effortlessly smiling sultry at the pairs of hungry eyes that stared up at me.

As I swayed with the tempo, coiling and uncoiling; it came to me, this was it, my life. I was a twenty year old male stripper, I was a kid who grew up in the system with a dream to one day become a girl, I was a lucky boy who had found family in Christian-the only person that had accepted me for who I was and loved me for it and now I had to start afresh, I had to decide who I wanted to become but that would come after tonight. Tonight, I would dance, I would giggle and laugh out of nowhere because tonight I was nobody. I was stuck between my past and future. Tonight was the present.

That was until I looked across the club and locked eyes with Joshua and I felt my heart halt, my breath get stuck and my thoughts wither away. My feet stumbled unresponsive under me and I stumbled off the stage.

I was heaving while I clutched my rapid beating chest when I saw the handsome specie of a man walk over to me and I lifted my face and stared into his dancing orbs.

"You are really here" I said with a grin, my voice an octave higher from silence relishing in the warm hold of his arms around me.

"How much drinks did you have Cotton?" The handsome guy asked instead while frowning softly.

"A lot" I whispered while fighting with the bile that burnt as it rose up my throat.

"I uh, I don't feel-" I never got to finish the words because right there and then, I emptied the remnants of my empty stomach on both of us and then burfed which really felt good.

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