Heavenly Sin[Boyxboy]

Prologue

"I'm pregnant."

I tensed up in my sit and could probably picture the horrified face I was sporting right there and then. Those two words swirled around my mind, made my throat feel uncomfortably small and made my stomach churn until I felt like I wouldn't be finishing my dinner.

"You're kidding, right?" Even I could feel the absence of humor in my dry accusation.

Raquel sighed and that's when I finally realized why she looked like she could drop dead any secomd. I finally saw how much this had taken it's toll on her too. Instead of her bubbly non-filtered mouth character, instead she looked down and she probably also couldn't tie her mind around the news.

I had to adjust my self in my seat that certainly felt small and uncomfortable. Raquel placed her soft manicured hand on top of my knuckles that had turned white due to deathly grip I had on our round romantic table's cloth and I tensed farther under a hand she meant to be comforting.

"Look hun, I'm sorry for dropping this bombshell on you, okay? Breathe in and out and we'll talk about this, okay?" I nodded because I couldn't talk in that moment since my mouth felt extremely dry and my tongue felt tied in knots. I tried calming down by running my other hand through my hair and down face. This was too much for my brain. I wasn't ready to be a father and take care of a son or daughter. I could barely take care of myself without Raquel's help.

"Hey Josh, you alright?" her soft voice called this time and whatever cat that had got my tongue finally let go and I nodded muttering a "Yeah yeah. I'm good".

Raquel continued. "Well, we're lucky I found out early. I'm only three weeks pr-pregnant" she stuttered and I realized I wasn't only me that couldn't wrap their mind around the term.

"Listen Raquel, uhmm are you sure y'know that t-that-- y'know the b-baby is y'know mine?" I stuttered and trailed off the last words no louder than a whisper. I wasn't one to fumble upon my words and stutter but look where we were today. Raquel's worried expression converted into a hurt one and I knew she was probably offended that I would doubt her but she had to understand that this wasn't a walk in a park for me. This was me on the verge of being called a father.

"Look, I'm sorry okay? This is just too much to process" I pleaded with her to understand that this wasn't simple for me too.

She sighed for like the thirtieth time before retracting her hands where they were on the dinner table. Our food long forgotten. She placed them in her lap.

"I understand, Josh. It's fine but we both know you're the only person I trust to y'know and last time we were both drunk so I didn't remember my pills had worn off" she was almost a bright red tomato by the time she finished but I trusted her words. She was my best friend and we had been having an open relationship for three years by now. We had fucked up this time.

Raquel had been my best friend since high school. While I was your typical clichéd star quarterback dickhead Jock. Raquel was your typical bubbly emo mean nerd and we just hit it off as buddies since she was almost the only girl that didn't fall at my feet until I found out she couldn't also be immune to my charm then she confessed her liking me two years after highschool and we had hit it off as fuck best friend buddies until this bombshell.

"Josh?" I was brought back to the present and looked at her and nodded for her to continue.

"Look, I know this is a lot to take in but am not sure I want this baby. I can abort or give birth to it and give it to the child services, okay? Just think about it and call me? I'm leaving because I don't feel good" she hurriedly pushed her chair and gave me a simple smooch on the lips but I held her hand before she left.

"Let me drive you home. I drove you here" I tried standing but she put her hands on my shoulders and pushed me back in the chair.

"Sit down and finish your dinner. I'll get a cab. You have a big decision to make" she whispered gently, kissed my cheek and smiled at me. I tried to smile back but I ended grimacing instead but she just waved and left.

Later that night I slept wondering if that baby was worth it.

***

Eight(8) months and two(2) week later:

PAIN.

BAD NEWS.

Sharp and ugly, my heart ached so bad. So bad I felt like dying. The bad news reached my ears and I felt like screaming. I felt like the world was against me, like God didn't exist, like I was never meant to parade around with a smile on my face.

The doctor's face was trying to give me a pitiful gaze but I could tell this always happenned. I wasn't the first person they told they had lost their loved ones and I was pretty much not the last. The pity, the sadness, the tears and the screams coming from our family, friends, collegues and the nobody's made everything more real. This had happenned. I had lost her.

GUILT.

I felt responsible even though deep down I knew I wasn't the cause but with the knowledge of knowing she had lost her life while giving birth to my child made me feel guilty and responsible. She had been my bestfriend, my lady soulmate, the mother of my child. I wouldn't be able to hear that high pitched voice of hers ever again, I wouldn't be able stare in adoration at her killer smile and I wouldn't never have the chance to watch her as she nursed our child. She was gone. I had killed her.

GOOD NEWS.

My tears flowed for a different time reason this specific second. I was happy. I was so happy and my heart beat mercilessly against my ribs that I thought it was going to jump out of my chest and dance in bliss in the large room filled with doctors and nurses.

Beautiful. She looked beautiful just like her mother did. Her eyes closed, her tiny fist clenched, her nose scrunching up a little bit and her small body nursed in my arms gave me something I didn't think I would ever have a few minutes ago:

HOPE.

I was going to raise our child on my own. I was going to love her with all my heart. I was going to cry and laugh with her when she did. I was going to be her father and mother. Be the center of her world as she had been the center of mine the second I laid my eyes on her.

A smile made it's way on my tear drenched face.

"Thank you" I whispered and I hoped Raquel heard me wherever she was because I meant it.

***

Don't forget to vote, comment and share. Please!