Better Than The Movies

Chapter Twenty

Before Jace.

"Is this your first time?" He asks, breaking the silence. I nodded. "Jasper and I used to go up to a waterfall near our house. We used to jump from the highest point no matter what we were wearing and splash around for hours."

His eyes filled with sorrow as he recounted the happy memories from his childhood. As he relieves how innocent he once was, the kid who thought that he had a built in best friend for life. Now he's older and all the innocence has been crushed down to the core.

If I had a time machine, I'd give it to him in an instant. Just for that smile to never leave his face. I would go back and change history for him so that him and Jasper never split up. At this moment, I wanted nothing in the world, but for Jace to get his best friend back. I wanted to take all the pain in his heart away. But I can't do that. The damage has already been done.

"I wish things were different." I whispered to myself, but Jace overheard. He let out a laugh devoid of any humour.

"Me too."

And just like that the moment of sadness was gone. Well not gone, but the master of hiding emotions showed up and plastered a smile on Jace's face. The boy who was so close to tears was gone and in his wake was a replacement of his former self.

I watched as he talked animatedly about some stupid video that he saw the night before. He talked about a new show that just came on Netflix. He talked about his family's trip to Paris a few summers ago. All over the surface things that were meant to overshadow, everything going on inside.

I watched as he closed himself off and bottled up everything he was feeling and chucked it across the world... never to be seen again.

But I saw it.

I saw it in the bags under his eyes, his scowl replacing the light- hearted smile whenever Jasper walked in the room, in his fake smiles, and scarce moments of vulnerability. Everybody can walk around him pretending not to notice the fact that behind the calm, cool and collected boy there was a hurricane of emotions that he's trying to shove down. He's trying to act like he's over something that's cut him so deep beyond repair.

Sure, I know what it feels like to miss somebody who's standing in front of you. I miss my sister everyday. But Jace lost something greater when Jasper left him. He lost his best friend. His other half. His twin brother. And he has to confront that pain every time he looks in the mirror. He has to watch his brother slip through his fingers as he sinks deeper into a hole that soon he won't be able to get out of.

"Jace-" I tried to interrupt as he spoke about visiting the Eiffel Tower. "Jace!" I said a little louder, trying to break through. Trying to let him know that he doesn't have to pretend with me, but it's too late.

He's gone.

_______________________________________

"Can I ask you a question?" Jace's voice was low but a shout in the quiet.

Our legs stretched out in front of us as I lay on his stomach, staring at the sky. We got out of the water a half an hour ago and we've been sitting in silence for a while as I tried to encrypt this memory into my brain. I wanted to remember this day forever, my first waterfall, the first time I felt truly happy in a long time.

"Is it going to be weird?"

"No- well... yes."

"I guess so."

"Are you a virgin?" I shoot up into a sitting position. Out of all the weird questions to ask, that wasn't one I was expecting.

"Why?" I asked tentatively. My eyes are watching him skeptically, but his face is blank.