Creatures of Habit - First Blood [ON HOLD]

CHAPTER TEN

"I hate you!" I scream at my foster parents and stalk off to my room. I collapsed onto my bed and... I can't believe it, but I cried... twice in one day, that's a new record, but I just can't be strong anymore. I'm so sick of it all so I just cried.

They think I got suspended to get attention! As if I would want anymore of that. Can't they see I hate it here?! Why do they have to keep me?! Why can't they just give up on me and send me back like every other family I've ever been sent to!

Those angry thoughts didn't exactly help me calm down. You're being a baby! Suck it up and carry on like you always do. I thought.

"I'm trying..." I say to myself through sobs, "I'm trying, but it's just so hard..." I kept crying... I just couldn't anymore.

I had been acting strong for so long now, trying to hide my emotions, to isolate myself from everyone so I wouldn't get hurt, but somehow trouble always finds me. The fact that I was so different, the bullying, my foster parents, the unanswered questions, all these feelings inside of me. To defend myself is just a way of prolonging the pain... I'm so confused and so broken. Getting accused of being an attention seeker just opened the flood gates. I'm so close to the edge that I am afraid just one thing could send me tumbling down into the dark. You're useless! No wonder everyone abandons you! All the friends you make, all the foster parents that gave you back ...no wonder your parents left you... And that was it...

I can't take it anymore... I want to be in control of at least one thing in my life... I thought sitting up on my bed. I'm ending it... I'm ending it for good...

I stumble into my bathroom and take out an old pocket knife that Drake had given me long ago, no one knew I had it except him. I took the blade in my hands, the smooth handle weighing a ton in my palm. I slowly lift it up to my wrist. And...

No! I can't do this! There are people going through a lot worse than me! How dare I try and take the easy way out!

I sense someone behind me. It's Omega.

"Jessica. That's a bad idea and you know it."

"Shut up..." I say, my voice barely audible.

"What if you don't succeed? What then?" It's more of a plea than a threat but his statement snaps me out of it and I drop the knife like it's on fire. What was I thinking?! There's no way I would have been able to bring myself to do it. I slide down the wall and sit on the cold hard floor. I see the knife lying a few inches away and kick it further away with my foot.

"Jessica let's... let's not go through that again please," says Omega. He seems genuinely concerned.

I hug my knees and nod. He comes to lie next to me and I hug him tight, my tears dampening his fur, but he doesn't seem to mind. I fall asleep there, his soft fur keeping me warm. I just wanted to forget today had ever happened.