"Dude, where art thou!" Napaayos ako ng upo nang may pumitik sa noo ko, I massage my forehead to ease the pain, what the heck.
"For the record, you, Sayril Vecina is again spacing out. Do you even remember what I just told you?" Paolo concluded while staring at me with confusion.
Habang nagsasalita siya'y di ko na naman napigilang titigan ang mukha niya. Fair skin, not so thick lips, fine body and an eyes that could take away your breath by just staring at those. His brown eyes is everything.
"Ayan na naman natutulala ka na naman, ano bang meron sa mukha ko? May dumi ba?" He asked then looked at his mirror. He always brought it with him and it's so cute.
"Ah wala ah, may naisip lang ako." Alanganing sagot ko and plastered the most awkward smile in the world.
"Oh tignan mo, ba't ba parang kinakabahan ka? Napapadalas na yan ah? Saka ano bang iniisip mo? Spill it, maybe I could help."
Ikaw.
Gusto kong sabihin na siya. Siya ang iniisip ko at kung p'wede bang tulungan niya kong mawala ang feelings ko sa kaniya. Ba't ba kase s'ya pa? He's my Best friend and I don't want to lose him just because I have feelings for him.
"Don't mind me Pao, Let's just enjoy this night." Pag-iba ko ng usapan, mahirap na at baka mapaamin ako bigla.
" Fine I won't ask again, just stay here and I'll buy us food." Paalam niya habang tinuturo 'yung lugar kung saan mayroong ihawan na di karamihan ang mga bumibili.
I nodded in response. "Stay here woman, don't you dare leave." I just laugh and motion my hands to make him leave.
Tinitigan pa niya 'ko sandali bago pumunta dun sa ihawan, I just smile, reassuring him that I won‟t leave.
The moment he turned around and make his way toward the barbeque store was the moment my smile fade and exhale a whole lot of air. Freak.
Ba't ba kase Ikaw pa? Ikaw pa na best friend ko. Sinampal ko ang sarili ko nagbabakasaling mawala na 'tong nararamdaman ko sa pamamagitan ng sampal pero naka ilang sampal na'ko sa sarili ko at napapatingin na rin sa'kin yung mga dumadaan dito sa park ay wala pa ring nagbabago. Yung bilis ng tibok ng puso ko? It could even win a race because of how fast it was.
As I was tryin' to fix myself, a music suddenly echoed in the park. Wow fate.
Simula pa nung una,
Hindi na maintindihan nararamdaman
Naging magkaibigan ngunit
Di umabot ng magka-ibigan.
There's countless song in the world so why it has to be a song that completely define my fate?
Tanggap ko yun noon
Kampante na ganun nalang
Sapat na nakasama kita
Kahit hanggang dun nalang.
Without knowing, I'm already singing along with it as if I was speaking myself finally.
Telling the world that I'm in love with my best friend. It sucks but I can't do anything but to gradually accept it. I stared at him as he walk his way towards me with the foods in his hands.
I stared at him as he wave the barbeque while getting nearer at me. I just smile. Maybe it's really not worth trying?
Di na lang ako lalapit
Di nalang titingin
Para di narin mahulog pa
Sa'yong mga mata
I tried. I tried every single thing just to get rid of this feeling. I even avoided him but I realized, the more I separate myself from him, the more I missed him and the more my love for him grow. I also tried speaking myself but it feels like the world's not okay with it, kaya kapag nagpa plano ako'y biglang may mangyayari so in the end, I have no choice but to just keep it again. The most desperate part that I did was trying to replace him by dating another men but everytime I try, I just ended up comparing them to him.
"Oh ayan na, dinamihan ko yung paborito mong isaw, kainin mo lahat yan ah piling ko nalilipasan ka na ng gutom eh." He said as he sit with me.
Just how if he keeps on acting like that. It's confusing me. Then it hit me, what if he also feel the same thing? I wash it off of my head but then bigla niyang hinawi yung mga buhok na tumatakip sa mukha ko dahil sa malakas na hanging binibigay ng mga puno. After doing it, he smiled at me then continue eating his barbeque like what he did was not enough to kill me.
I was stll completely stunned at the moment but he speak again.
"Say, you know, we've been friends since our mother gave birth to us." He started and it make me laugh yet nervous.
Was he really confessing?
He put his food in the space between us and wipe his hands with his favorite handkerchief.
"I know that I can trust you on this, so I want to open this to you because I know you'll accept me."
He hold my hands and I can feel that it was shaking and cold. My heart started beating faster than it could be.
Ngunit Ikaw na ang lumapit
Nasa akin ang tingin
Hinwakan ang aking kamay
At sabay sabing,
The song was singing with our hearts and I couldn't think of anything anymore.
Siguro nga napamahal na ko sayo, Oo
Di naman inaasahan
Di naman sinasadya
sinubukan ko naman na pigilan na lang
But what he said caught me fully off guard, it was far from my expectation.
"Say, I'm Gay."
