Nothing Less than Respect (KyloRenXReader)

'Take my chances'

The silent drive back to the Finalizer felt unbearable. What was once a comfortable atmosphere, was sucked dry by your impending end.
While it sounded dramatic you couldn't help the thought from taking over.
After boarding the Finalizer, it would head straight for the Supremacy. And thanks to General Hux, you were sure that not long after your arrival one of two things could happen. Everything you worked for, your position and ranking in the First Order would be ripped from you. Or the more likely, you would be killed by your own Supreme Leader. All for 'distracting' his apprentice.
You looked over at Kylo sitting across from you, his face was expressionless but he seemed unbothered. Oblivious to your building anxiety. His seeming ignorance angered you, but you wanted to try to hold on to what little time of happiness you had left.
You continued to rhythmically roll the smooth stone around your neck between your fingers. The short trip to Canto Bight felt like a dream, Kylo had never been so open with affection. Well, as open as he was capable of.
Memories of his hands gently tracing over your body made you smile, a part of you felt content dying with these as your last moments. But the rational side fought back, there was no way you were willing to die. Not when you'd just became a Commander, you'd built yourself up from nothing and we're about to lose it all because the Supreme Leaders apprentice couldn't keep his dick in his pants.
Kylo's eyes narrowed as he finally turned to face you.
"You're still worrying"
You couldn't help but stare back at him in disbelief.
"Yes of course I'm still worrying about it Kylo, how could I not?!"
He took a deep breath through his nose, the way an adult would when dealing with a difficult child.
"I've told you several times not to"
"Thank you Kylo that's so comforting!" you threw your hands up, your voice heavy with sarcasm. "I feel so much better now. You know, it's not fair. I shouldn't be the only one punished, it takes two to tango.."
"Enough"
"Kylo you can't just ignore the..."
"I said enough" his voice was firm, and gaze steeled over. "We can discuss it further in my quarters after we get back"
You glared back, resisting the urge to slap him.
The tension was finally broken when the vehicle pulled to a stop in front of the ship. Kylo gave you one last look before stepping out and barking orders to have your bags taken to your room. He turned to you after you stepped out behind him.
"Follow me"
His boots pounded against the floor, echoing through the hallways as he walked through. You struggled to keep up behind him, following him to his room. The door slid open with a familiar hiss, it looked as dark as you remembered.
You walked closer behind him as he stepped inside, the lights finally turning on, dimly lighting the room.
He started to take off the outer layers of his outfit before turning to you.
"So..?"
"That's all you've got Kylo? My life is on the line and all you can come up with is, so..?"
"I was giving you the opportunity to say what the issue you have is" His jaw was clenched so tight, you swear you could hear his teeth grinding together.
"The issue is that, you don't seem to care that I'm going to have to pay the consequences for something thats just as equally your fault!"
"I'm not worried because I can handle it Y/N" This time his voice sounded sincere, but you weren't convinced.
"Kylo this is not Hux we're talking about, you can't force choke your way out of this one. And the Supreme Leader isn't going to allow you to have any distractions"
"I know, and like I said there won't be a problem"
Although most people would be comforted by the assurance in his voice. All it did was spark rage in you. How could he be so confident in something so uncertain?
"What, you think Snoke is going to make an exception just because you ask? You may have gotten all you've wanted your entire life, but it's not going to work like that here. The Supreme Leader is ruthless.." you couldn't help the words from tumbling out of your mouth "you mean nothing to him Kylo, can't you see? You're just his puppet"
By now you had walked over to stand face to face with him, your expression matching his rage.
"You don't know what your talking about" the small vein under his eye twitched as he tried to hold back.
"I know exactly what I'm talking about! I've been working for the First Order since I was a child, I've seen what happens when people step out of line no matter who they were. I'm going to die Kylo, and your stupid privileges from your family legacy can't save me!" You hadn't even noticed you'd been screaming until you swallowed, your throat burning in exhaustion.
Kylo said nothing for a while, he just stood there teeth and jaw clenched in restraint.
"Get out"
"That's it? You're just going to ignore the problem because I'm being honest about the situation? Do you even care about me, or was it all an act?"
He didn't acknowledge what you said, he didn't even seem to look at you. Instead choosing to stare over the top of your head.
"Get out"
"Fuck you" you felt strangled by the pain of his ignorance. Barely even able to croak out the meaningless insult before you rushed out the door before tears spilled from your eyes.
Your vision was blurred while you walked back to your room. Managing to get the door open, you curled up onto your bed, and finally let the tears flow freely.
It felt like hours passed while you sobbed into your pillow, clutching it tight desperately for any consolation. But none came, the same fear and sadness tore you apart. Except for now it somehow managed to feel worse, maybe it was because now, Kylo wasn't there. Not that he would've done much to comfort you, but you couldn't help but hate yourself for brushing aside his reassurances.
While it didn't seem possible that he would be able to do anything to save you from the Supreme Leader, even the empty promises seemed soothing about now.
'Great job ruining it'
At least he was willing to try to save you, you were confident that now there was no way he would even try. Not after everything you'd just told him.
'Your going to die for a man who doesn't even love you'
The words felt weird to even think about, 'love you'.
You'd never really thought of loving anybody. Obviously you loved your sister, but that might be about it. Working as a slave, and then as a stormtrooper didn't really give you very much of an opportunity. I guess you were allowed to love, the First Order allowed relationships among other members but discouraged love.
Love was seen as weakness, something to be taken advantage of. And for the most part you agreed, but something nagged at you. Maybe the reason Kylo's rejection to the situation hurt so badly, was because you loved him?
'Don't be ridiculous Y/N. Love? You think you love the Supreme leader's apprentice? You barely even know what love is'
The words kept spiraling through your head. Did it even matter though? It's not like he would ever feel the same. The possibility of love was why you were going to be killed, because love is weakness. And the Supreme Leader's apprentice could not have any weaknesses.
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You tried to fall asleep after your cry session. But your mind was hyper aware of the fact that the 'Finalizer' would be arriving at the 'Supremacy' in a couple of hours. So you did what you always did when you were stressed, worked out.
It seemed ridiculous and sad that you were going to die the next day and you were spending the hours you had left in a gym. But what else were you to do?
It was empty and silent inside, just how you liked it. You kept yourself company thinking about every happy moment you had, while you worked your body.
You had a pretty decent life working for the First order. Being able to see new planets, always traveling the Galaxy. But you kept coming back to two things, your sister and Kylo. The only two people you 'loved?' Your feelings about Kylo confused you, so you chose to focus on your sister.
If you had one wish, it would be to see her again. To hear her laugh, watch the way her eyes squinted when she smiled. You never found out what happened to her, she was left on Tatooine with your father. You'd never forgive yourself for leaving her with him. Not that you had a choice, when the stormtroopers raided your city she had hidden so well they were unable to find her. Taking only you and a handful of other children, you'd never even gotten to say goodbye.
You cursed feeling fresh drops of tears fall against your face.
'I remember why I try to avoid thinking about her'
"Y/N"
Captain Phasma's voice startled you, you hadn't even heard her walk up.
"What are you doing here, it's late? We're going to be arriving at the 'Supremacy' in a couple of hours. You should really get some rest"
Roughly wiping away the tears on your cheek you forced a smile.
"Of course, I'm so sorry. I just lost track of time"
Phasma's tone changed when she saw your face,
"Y/N, what happened?"
"It's nothing important Captain, I'm sorry for worrying you"
You collected your stuff quickly, desperate to leave. You were so needy for comfort, and Phasma's concern was going make you break down if you didn't get out of there.
"Is it Kylo?"
"What?" Her accuracy caught you off guard. Making you drop your things.
"It is then" She smiled sympathetically while shaking her head.
"How did you know?"
"I knew something was up when he reassigned you to himself for training. He's never taken an interest in things like that. Also when you both left together for Canto Bight, along with a couple of other signs"
'Did we make it that obvious'
"Oh"
"Don't worry, I won't tell Snoke"
Her intended reassurance just served as a painful reminder.
"It's too late, Hux already did"
Phasma's face fell when you told her, "That son of a bitch"
"Snokes sure to kill me the second we arrive on the Supremacy". The words hurt to repeat, they made you want to vomit.
"I'm sure Kylo won't allow it" she seemed hopeful offering you the idea.
"He said that earlier, but I doubt it. Plus we just got into an argument, and with the things I said. If he ever had a plan, there's no way he's going to go through with it"
Phasma seemed genuinely concerned when she placed her hand on your shoulder. Which was a lot from her,normally she was very stand-offish with affection.
'Must be a common trait amongst First order members'
"What did you say, I'm sure it wasn't bad enough that he's just going to let you get killed."
"Nothing that wasn't untrue, just that his family privilege wouldn't be able to save me"
You were confused when Phasma pulled away glaring at you. "Family privilege?"
"Yeah, you know his family legacy. He's gotten anything he wanted because of it. Even his position."
"You really don't know, do you?"
Her question added to your growing confusion.
'Why does she seem mad?'
"Know what?" You tried to sound as genuine as possible.
"Kylo has never had any sort of privilege due to his family. In fact he's faced more shit because of it, Snoke is always comparing him to his grandfather..." Phasma stopped herself before she said anymore.
"What do you mean" you motioned for her to continue, but she shook her head.
"It's not my story to tell"
"Phasma I'm going to die, it won't even matter"
She started to walk off before she said anything more. "Then go fix things with Kylo, you can ask him yourself. And in the process maybe save your life too"
You scrubbed your hands over your face in irritation.
'Fix things with Kylo, sure. Like that'll work'
Picking up your stuff you headed back to your room. You knew it was stubborn of you to not go back to apologize to Kylo, but you couldn't help it. The shame would be too much, how could you be wrong after all this time?
'I'll take my chances with Snoke'
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Ehehe, Y/N really be stubborn.
I feel kind of bad ripping away soft Kylo, because he was fun to write. As much as I love fluff, I really like angsty Kylo. Plus it's also necessary for the plot and all, y'know?🙄🥴