Sidnaaz: Indifference

Indifference Part Three: 6

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“You need to tell her that you love her and work on yourself. Maybe, just maybe then she might forgive you.” Sonya said as she sat next to him.

“I don’t know why you were so angry. But what you did was wrong. You need to apologize. She is the nicest person I have met. She will definitely forgive you especially when you tell her that you love her. Which is quite obvious by the way. And it’s your first mistake after all.”

Sidharth chuckled after listening to last sentence. ‘First mistake’. Only if she knew how many mistakes he made with Shehnaaz. Everything from ignoring her when they were in relationship, keeping their relationship secret from most of the people, never taking her on dates to breaking up with her without any explanation. He wish he could tell Sonya how many chances Sana gave it to him and this time he did something even he can’t even forgive himself for.

“I will ask for her forgiveness even if I don’t deserve it. But for now can you please leave me alone.” Sidharth said without making eye contact.

“Sure, I’ll leave but don’t wait much to say sorry.” Sonya left grieving Sidharth in the dark corner of the room. She was praying for both of them. She can see immense love in their eyes for each other. They both deserved to be happy.

For next few days, Sidharth tried his hardest to talk to her but she was nonchalantly replying to him, without any emotions. Sidharth lost his interest in the game and was breaking from inside. He wants his Sana and she is not ready to listen to him.

Shehnaaz was sitting with some housemates when she glanced towards him. He was lying on his bed all alone. Anyone in right mind could tell how guilty he is and she wished it was that easy to forgive him. The small amount of trust she had in him is just vanished and there is nothing she can do about it.  Best thing for her is to stay away from him and she believes she is doing good job by distracting herself with other housemates.

Weekend ka Vaar was also bad for Sidharth. Salman made sure to point out Sidharth’s each and every mistake.  The only difference is a person who usually have answer and explanation for his every action just sat there head down listening to all the anger thrown at him.

It was also a time for Sonya to leave the house. Before leaving she asked Sidharth is work more towards asking Sana’s forgiveness. She also hugged and apologized to Sana as she thinks it was because of her they both had all these differences.

“You can’t break something that was already broken, Sonya. Don’t worry nothing is your fault.” Shehnaaz told Sonya as she was leaving.

As people were walking inside the living room after saying bye to Sonya, Sidharth slowly grabbed Sana’s arm and stopped her. “Please Shehnaaz, Just once please let me say what I wanted to say. I promise I will not disturb you after this.”

“I don’t want to talk to you, Sidharth.”

“Please yaar Sana, It’s been 4 days. Please just one time please.” Sidharth again requested but Shehnaaz left him standing there.

It was time for bed and Sidharth was still trying to come up with a way to talk to her. While everyone went to sleep, he kept looking at her.  He wants to take her away from all these cameras and people and say sorry until she forgives him. He is feeling so uncomfortable in this show right now.

He was still awake when he saw her leaving walking towards bathroom area. He quickly went behind her and waited until she came outside. As soon as she came outside without paying attention to him she started walking back to her bedroom.

“Sana if you ever I mean ever loved me even a little bit. You will listen to me once. Please Sana.” Sidharth knows wrong to emotional blackmail her but it’s the only way he can think of.

Shehnaaz stopped after listening to him. “Seriously Sidharth, in this as well you won’t let me making a decision for myself. I don’t want to talk to you”

“Please Sana” Sidharth begged again.

“Okay bol, what do you want to say?”

“Please sit here and we can talk.” Sidharth insisted again.

Shehnaaz made her way towards a small bed in bathroom area. She remembers how couple of weeks ago he gave her strength here. He stood up for her. How things changed so suddenly.

Sidharth sat on his knees in front of her and looked in her eyes. He knew he can’t touch her without her permission even though he wants to kiss her burned hand and feet to relieve some of his own pain. “I love you Sana. I love you more than everything and anything in this world”

Shehnaaz looked at him without any surprise on her face. “I know you love me Sidharth. Any blind person can see that you fell in love with in last couple of months. It was never an issue. My problem is trust Sidharth. What am I going to do with your love when you don’t trust me?”

“I do trust you Sana. I just get angry and I don’t realize what I am saying. When I saw you with them all comfortable. I just couldn’t hold myself from getting angry” Sidharth tried to explain his point of view even if it very weak rebuttal.

“You say you trust me but you don’t. Also, I don’t trust you at all now Sidharth. I had insecurities regarding you before but now I know this will not work. You take a power to leave me or get really angry with me whenever you want without talking to me.”

“I know what I did all those years ago was wrong Sana. I was too involved with myself and took you for granted. But, I am not the same person anymore. We can be good together. I learnt from my mistakes.” Sidharth was practically begging for her to forgive him.

“I wish I could believe you, Sidharth. I need time to think and you know this house is not good place for all this discussions. Let me be and we’ll see what happens in future.” Shehnaaz was determined not to make any decision recklessly.

“Okay, Okay. Take all the time you need. But please just talk to me. Don’t avoid me. It’s better to have you in some way than not having at all.”

Shehnaaz just nodded and got up to walk out when he again help both her wrists. “Oh and before you go” With that he took both her hands and kissed her bandaged hands. “I am really sorry Shehnaaz.” He looked at her with tears in his eyes.

“I am okay Sidharth. Please don’t feel guilty anymore. It’s over now. If you want to work on yourself, you can’t do all that because of the guilt. Now go to sleep. I will have to wake up soon and dance.” Sana giggled and they walked together back into the house. Sidharth slept peacefully that night, at least she is not angry with him anymore.

In next couple of days, Sana was somewhat back to her normal bubbly self. Thing is though she kept her distance from him. They talked with each other, joked but from afar. She was glad she said all those things to him. She is going to learn to put herself  before him. She was spending more and more time with Rashmi and her group. Sometimes, she sees anger in Sidharth’s eyes but true to his words he never said anything to show his anger.

“Sit with me, just with for few minutes, please” Sidharth requested Sana. It’s been nearly a week she never sat with him. They just hanged together when someone else was present. He is desperate to be close to her.

Shehnaaz nodded and sat on the bench near him. She made sure that there was space between them.