Sidnaaz: Indifference

Indifference Part Three: 4

Everything was going great for Shehnaaz and Sidharth right now in Bigg Boss house. Despite being with Sidharth, Sana believed in playing for herself. She usually did whatever she wanted. It was quite frustrating for Sid even though he understood where she is coming from.

Shehnaaz was still uncertain about what is conspiring between them. They can’t sleep without being in each other’s arms. He pampers her way more than when they use to date. In fact it looks like he is trying to make up for all the things he never did for her years before. Bigg Boss is totally a wrong place for him to show these emotions. She can’t even ask him directly why he is doing it.

Then a day came where one of her biggest nightmare come true. The person or controversy she was trying to leave behind was right in front of her, Himanshi.  She is so scared to open those gates again. She want to leave this show as soon as she can.

Sidharth was not sure what happened to her as soon as wild card contestants came in. She is crying and she seemed scared. It was breaking his heart. “Baby, kya huya tujhe”

“Sidharth, promise me you will not leave me. Whatever others will say please, please believe me.” Shehnaaz literally begged Sidharth. She is so scared that no one will believe her like before. What if he will leave her like rest of them.

“Sana, listen to me. I am not going anywhere. I am here”. Sidharth took Sana in his arms promising himself to never leave her side.

“Himanshi and I had controversy. No one believed me Sidharth. My career was ruined because of that. I can’t go through it again.” Shehnaaz didn’t know what else to do right now. She is feeling very alone all of sudden.

“We’ll talk about it later. Now let’s just go inside” Sidharth was so confused but he knew this is not time to discuss it further and decided to get to the bottom of it when she is relaxed.

In the living room, Shehnaaz was quite insecure as she met all the wild card contestants. She really like Vishal as he talked really nicely with her.

Himanshi was looking at her with mischief in her eyes. Shehnaaz knew that she going to make ger life harder in this house. Shehnaaz did try to be more mature and went and said Hi to her. But, Himanshi pretty much ignore Sana. This were not looking great. That night Shehnaaz slept a bit more closely to Sidharth than normal. She just wants to feel safe.

Next day, Sana is not sure if she is imagining things but she could feel the change in people’s behavior towards her. It feels like they are judging her right now. She have to answer so many questions. As she was cleaning the house, she saw number of housemates including Sidharth sitting next to Himanshi. It looks like they are in very serious conversation. As she walked in the bedroom she heard bits of what they were talking about. “And she said things about my mum as well. She is very fake person” Sana was now 100% sure that Himanshi was telling her side of the story. She have an upper hand by telling her side first. Shehnaaz quickly ran and hid inside the smoking room.

Sidharth was trying not to react as he listened to Himanshi’s story. Whole time while listening to her, the only thing he can think about how much Sana went through in last couple of years. He is so angry at himself for never checking on her. He never looked her up after they broke up. He always assumed she is fine. But now he is regretting it. Things might have been different.

“Sidharth, you should stay away from her as well. She is not nice. I know here better than everyone else” Sidharth didn’t want to say anything to Himanshi before talking to Shehnaaz first. He left the group without saying anything to look for his Sana. After looking everywhere, he found her crying in the smoking area. The sight broke his heart.

He went in and sat right next to her and asked “Teri life mein itna sab kuch ho gya. You didn’t even tell me. I am not sure who I am angry at. You for not telling or me for not checking on you all these years.”

“Sidharth please trust me, I know what I did was wrong. But she was as involved in the fight. She said some things and then I replied back. It’s not all my fault” Shehnaaz begged again for him to take her side.

Sidharth took Sana in tight embrace and broke her doubts. “Baby, I am always on your side. I trust you. Even if you said something I don’t care. You know even in anger I say some things I don’t mean. Aur vaise bhi I know you better then Himanshi or anyone else in this house. Tu sabse achi hai. I don’t need your character certificate from outsider.”

Shehnaaz hugged him more tightly and sobbed like a child. After her close family and friends, he is first one to provide her support in this matter. So she sat there with Sidharth for next hour or so and explained her side of the story in detail. “…..You know Sidharth no one gave me work after this controversy. Everyone boycotted me. I wanted…no…I tried to kill myself.”
Sidharth sat there nun after listening to her story. But the last things practically broke him. She tries to kill herself. She was leaving him in this world. She has no right to do that!

“Moti, mere se promise kar that you will not do anything like this ever again. We are always going to be together from now on. But even if something happen and we lose touch you will call me whenever you need.” Shehnaaz just nodded her head in response.

They sat there in each other’s arms until Bigg Boss announced everyone to come in the living area. Although Sidharth didn’t have any doubts regarding Shehnaaz’s role in controversy, but now he is more confident that Himanshi is manipulator. The way she played the task by provoking Sana and acting like she got hurt because of Sidharth cleared all his doubts.

On weekend even caller of the week proved Himanshi a liar. Without even knowing Himanshi being in the show made Shehnaaz stronger. She had this confident aura around her. Definitely housemates did not like that. They always tried to make her look weak through one or another thing. Sidharth was her greatest strength. She is falling in love with him more and more.

When Sidharth had to leave the house because of typhoid, Sana was feeling num. She was missing him but she also reminded herself why she came to this show. She wanted to make her own identity. She later realized maybe him being away for few days might be good for her. She decided to give her best in the show. So despite being heart broken, she performed tasks, entertained everyone, joked around. Even she became closer to Vishal and Asim. They both gave her good vibes.

Shehnaaz was in her dream world, she had her Sidharth back, she made some new friends, and people outside are liking her. But, like every other dream, someone woke her up from this dream as well. While sitting outside with Shefali and Arti, they made her face some harsh truths. “You know Sana, I used to go out with Sidharth. We had great thing going on. I thought we had a good future. But he is not into commitment. I am only telling you this because I know you have feelings for him but he will not take it any further.”
Arti also pitched in and said, “He even told me the he see you as child. Ek baachi ke tarah manta hai tujhe. I am also saying this because I care about you.”

Shehnaaz didn’t bother with what Arti said. Sana knew that she is not baachi for him. But what Shefali said is completely true. He will not commit. She knows after her he dated number of girls. He never had any long term commitment with anyone. It’s history repeating itself.

She remember the day they broke up. It was so easy for him. “dekh Sana meine kitna try kiya to tell you that I don’t believe in love. Mein nahi kar saakta yeh sab. You never give me my space. Always behind me. I don’t like you touching me every time we are in public. We are breaking up. Actually meine tera bag bhi pack diya hai. I made sure your old house is cleaned and ready for you to move back. I have to go now I have meeting soon. Take care”

He didn’t even look back. She stayed at same spot num for hours before she grabbed her ‘packed’ bag. She looked at the house where she spend last year, it seemed like she never stayed here. He took everything out that had anything to do with her and didn’t even wait for her to move out. She was trying make sense of what just happened for days after she moved in her own house. Finally, the day she saw him on TV getting in restaurant with some girl she accepted the fact that they broke up. That night she finally cried.

Sana quickly excused herself and went into bathroom. All the bad memories were coming back and they were mocking her for being so gullible for the second time. Sidharth is her greatest support in this show and best friend. She will keep it that way, she will not ever talk about love or commitment. He will be her friend from now on, just friends.

Sidharth was also getting anxious in secret room. Firstly seeing Sana with Vishal was getting on his nerves. He is the only one who can come close to her no one else. He wants to go inside the house and keep her in his arms. “Wasn’t that what she use to do when we were together?” that question came in his mind from nowhere. He remember how annoyed he used to get when she use to stick on his side all the time. How he used to shout at her for being too clingy?
What he never understood that she just wanted an assurance that he is with her. It is exactly what he wants right now, her assurance that she will not leave him. How tables has turned. Unknowingly tears started to flow from his eyes as remember what he put her though. He always took her for granted. Never gave her attention she deserved. He didn’t even give her right to say anything when they broke up. He was so involved with himself, so selfish that he never thought about her feelings.

Things got worse when he heard Shefali and Arti warning her about him. He wants to go and shout at them for coming between them. He saw Shehnaaz running towards bathroom. He is sure she is crying alone.

“I promise Sana. I am going to make everything right. I will give you everything you deserve. I will give you all the attention of the world, I will pamper you, and I will proudly hold your hand and show you off in public. I love you Shehnaaz Kaur Gill.”