Strings Attached

But I can't move on

Camila's POV

I blew the hair from my mouth, as I sighed and looked at Alessandro sleeping beside me.

Fuck, what have I done?

Last night was quite a blur. All I could remember was drinking and being unable to stop. The alcohol had just felt like a way to forget everything going on. It just made my mind blank, which is something I had longed for the past few weeks.

And well, after a few drinks, I felt Alessandro's lips on mine and every coherent thought completely left my mind.

This isn't what I wanted. Nothing right now was even close to what I wanted.

I wanted Shawn.

I thought I could move on, but I couldn't.

Sure, Alessandro was great and he treated me charmingly, there was just something about Shawn.

Maybe I was overreacting and perhaps if I stayed with Alessandro, he'd treat me like an actual girlfriend.

And isn't that what I wanted? To feel loved in the way I loved.

"Hey," I heard Alessandro's deep voice, and as I glanced at him, the smile dropped from his face. He must've noticed the troubled look on my face. "What's wrong?"

"I..." I coughed uncomfortably and just tried to smile. "Nothing, I was just trying to remember last night." My eyes averted away, as I bit my lip.

Alessandro grinned and leaned forward, "Alright." And then, he gently turned me around and I felt his lips back on mine. My eyes fluttered shut, my lips moving slowly against his.

His arms developed itself around my torso, pulling me onto him. My eyebrows knitted together and I tried to forget about Shawn and our deal.

But I couldn't.

For some reason, as Alessandro kissed me, all I could think of was Shawn.

With Shawn's arms around me, bringing me into a different world, tingling all my senses. With his lips touching mine, so intense, that it hangs in the air.

And maybe we pull back for a few seconds, to glance at each other, and that's when our worlds stop and an almost passionate sense of anticipation to kiss once again rises in our minds and hearts.

Perhaps it wasn't even the kiss. His presence alone was desirable. His gaze was something I craved, especially those times that I thought that maybe he liked me back too.

"Fuck," I whispered against Alessandro's lips, parting back with my eyes wide. I gasped and looked at Alessandro, who had a confused look on his face. "I can't move on from him."

Alessandro let out a melancholic sigh, and I knew that he knew what I had meant.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, furrowing my eyebrows and gulping. I felt bad. Alessandro had been nothing but good to me, and here I was, stuck on Shawn, even though nothing could ever change that.

"It's fine," he muttered, before looking up at me. "You really like him, huh?"

I blushed and nodded, giving out a pronounced sigh, "I thought I could move on."

"Why don't you tell him?" Alessandro asked with a raised eyebrow, as I shook my head. "Oh come on, it won't be that bad!"

"What if I lose everything?" I asked, my head hung down. "At least I have a friendship with him now. But if I confess whatever I'm feeling, then I'll lose that friendship as well. And I can't afford that."

My eyes rippled close and I took a deep breath. I couldn't even think about our friendship falling apart.

"Yeah, but what if he likes you too?" Alessandro asked, a smile playing at his lips. "You'll lose that opportunity as well."

I glanced at him.

He was right, I knew that.

But why would Shawn like me?

This is something I always say, and it's always going to valid: Shawn deserves everything and I'm not that everything he deserves.

"Just try it," Alessandro whispered, giving me a look. "And if he doesn't reciprocate your feelings, then he's missing out on a lot."

I chuckled and shook my head.

.......

Shawn's POV

I sat up straight, my eyes wide.

What the fuck had I done yesterday?

I remember gulping down a lot of drinks, then seeing Camila with Alessandro, and immediately after that, going home with a redhead girl.

My eyes widened a bit more and I looked over to my side, a groan ripping from my throat upon seeing a cold, empty spot.

She left.

She didn't even leave her number or anything, I didn't even know her name, really.

I sighed and rested my head against the headboard, my jaw clenching and unclenching.

I wouldn't say that I was annoyed, but I was definitely on edge.

Though honestly speaking, I didn't know what I was thinking. Maybe it was the alcohol's influence or just the jealousy of seeing Camila and Alessandro, but I truly didn't know why I slept with someone else.

Maybe I wanted to touch someone else, see the difference between hers and Camila's. Maybe I wanted to feel something with someone else, even though I probably wouldn't have remembered anything the next day.

Maybe... I wished that the girl could stay for a bit and we could have something more than a one night stand.

Or maybe it was the fact that I was over my denial and I knew I feel something for Camila, but it's too late... and I need to move onto someone new.

I closed my eyes and sighed.

If only I wished I realized my feelings for Camila sooner. I had her and I lost her.

Or if only the redhead girl would've stayed and maybe I could've moved on. But then that begs the question: Where was she in the morning?