Caged Nightingale

56- Saara-the play

*****Trigger warning******

Something awakens me. A sound. But by the time I get my bearings I cant even be sure I heard anything.
The gentle humming of the AC and the sound of my breathing. I close my eyes and shake my head. Rediculous-
Suddenly, I feel the weight of someones hand over my mouth and someone's arm come down hard over my chest, gagging me and restricting my breathing. Fuck fuck fuck. They press me back into the pillow to stifle my cry. I struggle as much as I can, reaching out to scratch or yank their hands away, but my strength is pitiful. I'm struggling against a brick wall of muscle. Whoever has me, can snap my neck in half. The arm on my chest, which is holding me down, comes up to my neck to cut off my breathing, to stop me from struggling. Instantly I feel the pressure around my trachia. Pressing down. I begin to suffocate. Gasping for air, gagging soundlessly. Arms flailing, the panic flares inside. My head feels light and I feel myself losing consciousness. My limbs feels heavy and I start to drift into an abyss. It seems easier to let go. My strength begins to wane.
Then just as suddenly, I feel a surge of pain at my crown as my head is yanked back. I am dragged from the bed onto the floor, from my hair. Fuck. I'm dragged across the floor as if I weigh nothing.
My limbs are heavy and I cant seem to get my footing, instead I try to hold onto the arm as it drags me across the room from my hair.
It happens so fast I try to scream, instantly I feel a stinging pain across my face. Fuck. The impact throws me across the wooden floor. I catch the corner of one of the winged arm chairs and gasp as it makes contact with my back. scrambling on all fours, I half crawl half drag myself towards the bedroom door in a panicked attempt to escape. But its futile, within seconds he has me by my hair again, lifting me onto my knees. In the darkness I can't see his face, only his silouette. He is huge. Wide shoulders . fuck! He tilts my head back tightening his grip on my hair and I cry out in pain, my head feels like it's on fire.
Then he is on top of me and I may as well be scratching at the hide of a rhinosaurs. Because I don't even make a dent in his body. He pins me down using his chest as he unzips his jeans and pulls them down before reaching under my shirt to rip the underwear.
Fuck. No. The horror hits me.
I struggle, scratching, hitting pulling at him, but its useless. Everything about this person is solid and unyielding. My fingers are swiping at his chest and I'm pushing with all my might. I can hear myself begging pitifully, to deaf ears. Thighs trying to close as he nugdes his way between them. Then he's inside me and I cry out in pain as he slams into me atleast a dozen times, pinning my wrists beside my head. I continue to beg pitifully " no please,"
Then he flips me over,stradles my legs and pushes himself inside me again. From this angle he rips me. I feel the stinging sensation and burning as he pounds into me. He uses his forearm to press on my shoulder blades, keeping me down against the hard floor.
I must find a different mental space because I feel the agonising pain from a distance. Hear his grunts as he fucks me relentlessly. All i can think about is how completely helpless it feels to have no physical power. I am so small and weak compared to him. Then it's over.
As if in a dream. I feel him pick me up effortlessly. Carry me into the bathroom and place me on my feet in the wetroom. The warm water instantly douses me. I can barely stand- I feel torn and broken. I cling to him, to his shoulders as he soaps me gently. Moving the sponge softly over my body. I let him, numb, I'm in shock. Exposed. I feel shaken and close to tears.
He holds me into his chest slipping his arms around me. Kisses my temple, then the side of my face. I lean into him, let him take my weight. His hands move up and down my back and arms. Each movement soothing. Gentle gentle. He soothes away all the pain. I bury my head into his chest and let the pain out. Silently the tears fall. He strokes my hair trying to comfort me.
The violence has shaken me. I've never felt so insignificant, so small. I've always been petite, but just now I realised the reality of just how vulnerable I am. I couldn't even attempt to protect myself. The thought alarms me, worries me. My response is unexpected. Initially it was numbness but now I am forced to face a reality that I'm not ready for.
I am nothing.