BTS Hurt/Angst one shots

comments hurt - Jimin

TW // EATING DISORDER MINDSETS & BEHAVIOURS
-it's never labelled as that but it's quite heavily implied-

Namjoon had warned them to never read the comments. It was something which he made clear, something he was stern on when they first debuted.

"I don't care what mood you're in, or what you're feeling when videos or pictures are posted. You don't read them, yes?" He had addressed them in his 'leader tone', something which even as early as it was in their group they'd realised didn't come out very often. When it did, he was serious, and they listened attentively.
That was exactly why they had listened, with great care and understanding, that they were never to read the comments.

The group had never questioned his serious tone or his clear anger when he spoke about the situation. They had assumed it was for their own protection, so he could look out for them.

And it was, mostly.

But they had never realised the effect of reading comments. That something so small could have such an impact on you, on your mind, on the way you act and live.
But Namjoon had. He had experienced what it was like, he knew what it did to a person.
Harmless internet scrolling could cause the worst pain, because "hate would always be there", as he had told them.

It was inevitable, inescapable, uncontrollable.

So, up until that point, Jimin had never looked at the comments, not alone.
Occasionally, as a group, they read random feedback on music videos or particular songs.

"Not alone. Don't read them alone."

But it had been an accident. Jimin hadn't even meant to see the comment, didn't mean to read it.
He had done it without even thinking, read the entire comment before it had even sunk in what exactly he was looking at. Oh how desperately he wished he could go back, keep scrolling, focus on something other than the continuous stream of words on his broadcast.

He finally understood the damage caused by reading the comments.

*******

It had all happened by accident. He was doing a solo live show, streaming alone on Vlive discussing their latest album with fans. He hadn't had the chance to speak to them in a while, having been busy with the production of the album, and their world tour being in full swing.
It was innocent and fun, answering questions and enjoying the fans interactions with both him and one another.

Eating, laughing, joking. That was all it had meant to be.

'Lose some weight'

Short and simple, yet oh so deadly.
It was precise and too the point, telling him all he needed to know. More like an order than a question.

Of course he knew of those types of comments, of the hate that people could give, but with the joy he just felt, and the sudden deathly change of tone, things just felt, different.

The food in his mouth suddenly felt stale as he read, and he swallowed what he was chewing quickly, desperate to get rid of it and not have to think of it anymore. Jimin looked down on the chopsticks he held, fiddling with them between his fingers, staring at the bowl of barely eaten food, and his stomach immediately flipped.
Just the thought made him feel sick, and he placed the utensils on the table beside the bowl, pushing it away from him as he spoke.
He barely registered what he had said in reply, not thinking much about saying some half thought comment about it being none of the fans business concerning his weight.
Then, for the remainder of the live, he pushed it into the back of his mind, thinking that it would eventually be forgotten about if he ignored it enough.
The thoughts in the back of his mind just wouldn't leave, not even when he said goodbye and the comments of both consoling and hate left his view.
The thoughts just wouldn't.
And with them, came the self hatred.